"Grandpa Richter's Bee-Stung Penis" with Andy Richter

We sit down with actor, comedian and writer, Andy Richter. We discuss mundane dreams about chairs, mysterious family deaths, tall poppy syndrome, Del Close, "Can't we call her something else?", the real Brady Brunch, Cabin Boy, women over 40, choosing between becoming a movie theater manager or talk show co-host, Amy Sedaris' wicker wheelchair, directing commercials, being starstruck and the death of talk shows.

Insta:
@richtercommaandy

The Three Questions Podcast

WWTWH YouTube Channel

Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:08

We are so lucky I'm saying. Oh, my Lord. I'm Anita Bryant. Today we're going to. Oh, bless us. We have it. We're so lucky to be. No, Daniel. One of my all time favorite comic actors. People on this earth is coming next week. I don't know what the funniest. actor, a comic, a writer. And may have known that He was also a naval officer. Please welcome Andy Dick. Yeah. Wait a minute. Please welcome Andy Richter. Yay! What's funny is that I have had an numerous occasions. Hey, you're. Andy. No, you got to be kidding me. Oh, no. And it's just. It's just something. Because it happened so often, and I think it just is something. The way the brain works. Because of Andy. Any comedian guy, Blondish. Andy. We're adding, like. You need to change. Your mind. No, no, no. Well, that's almost I have to give a shout out to Laurie Kilmartin because she said that she did, even on her own half hour special that she was doing. They the kid was new, whatever introduced her as Laura Kightlinger. And I was like, and I got Laurie Kilmartin when I was just texting something or I was Instagramming or whatever, axing some shit about how can I say accent because it's not Twitter anymore. What the fuck? What do I call it? It's so hilarious because nobody like that fucking idiot. I haven't edited two. of every news article ever says x parentheses formally. No Twitter. Yeah, it's fucking game over and that's changing it. So So I was saying something and. said I had a dream. This is like. This is how, like, sterile my life has become boring. That I could bring in new chairs to the dentist office because they were filthy old chairs. And. And that's why I dream about asking the dentist, can I bring in new chairs? Because I know they've been there for ten years. I've gone in the same dentist. But anyway, so then this woman, she says, you know, then you could say if you did, it could be the Laurie Kilmartin dental office, you know that Laurie Kilmartin reading room. And I'd be okay. But did my job. What do you think? The dentist. It's okay. It's. It's words. I know the. Words that you know. Do you think the dentist has dreams about changing your teeth the way you have dreams about changing his chair? I would hope so. I can't wait to get these events and years. I know, but see if he said anything. I don't. I would never know. I would say, Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. And my mom dated our dentist. So what? Yeah. Same one. No, no, no, no. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Horrible. Anything for that. One? No, I think I have a I have extra dental work because he was thinking of ways to see my mother. I have no I have no back teeth because he was fucking. My mother in. Law. Has too many teeth, but. Yeah, Yeah, But let's talk about Andy Richter's grandfather, for one, the beekeeper. Can we please talk about the beekeeper for 2 seconds? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we. We started the podcast before we were broke. Through your ancestry.com. What's that fucking PBS book where you look at the book of your ancestry? Oh, it's the. The show. Yeah. Yeah, that's. It. Yeah. Or something like that. But I can't remember what it's called. I remember Oprah cried. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, Tammy can make Oprah cry. Right, right. And yeah, and it's that three, three named man, you know, like Henry David, William. Or something like that. Yeah. Who's the voice of CNN and Darth Vader. James Earl Jones. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I don't think so. No. Okay. Welcome back to tangents. Can I find out about what the bees did? His grandfather's. Book. I was telling I was about? that. My mother lived in Springfield, Illinois, during her high school years, and that's where she met my father. And I said, because my grandfather and the reason they lived in Springfield is because my grandfather was director of conservation for the state of Illinois. Oh, wow. And I was telling about how my grandfather's family, my maternal grandfather's family, basically sold land for a living. They had a big tract of land that they had gotten from Black Hawk Indians. And then they just would sell a parcel of it. And that's what they live on. And then we got and they just raised hogs and chickens and bees. And I mentioned the peas. And then we were talking about beekeeping. And I said, Yeah, that's my great grandfather died because he was beekeeping with his fly, got apparently horribly done and caused him a heart attack. Yeah. Yeah. See, I'd call that a curse from the Black Hawk Indians. It's 100%. Are you telling me. That bees were Black. Hawk? Did you see the thing? The fucking spaceship, where they were sending the dead people's ashes to the moon. And the Navajo people were like, We worship the moon as part of our cosmology. Oh, wow. And they had a White House mean. Yes. Wow. White House was alerted and they always had like a base of of whatever. I mean, I placed up the rocket ship and then guess what happened back in space, launch the ship. And it had an anomaly and they've never seen it since. Oh, wow. Fucking spaceship two. Wow. Walk me through this. Okay. I'm sure there's, like, a death certificate somewhere, but it's like he's in the middle of beekeeping. Yeah, he's missed one. Vital. Yeah. Apparently. I mean, I don't. You know, I don't have any. Yeah, Yeah, I don't have any data on it. Just the family. Yeah, the story. Yeah. But the folly of having the beekeepers and all that. Oh, honey penis. Richter. I had a Ukrainian Orthodox priest friend and he had native lineage down in Texas, and they were using that. So like, correspond with the actual native family member so he could get free college. Oh, his mother was haunted by these dreams about a wolf. Whoa. And then finally, one night, she woke up to a wolf at the actual door clawing at us. And then they sent a letter back to Native said, Thank you. No, thanks. We don't we don't need it. Like, we're not going to pursue it. College. Oh, because they went away. Oh, wow, So. But what do you think happened that it got infected. He was. No, he was very old. And I think you get a lot of these things on your game. I think he just he 80 went into anaphylaxis. Oh, that would make sense. Yeah. They brought him back to the house and he But I mean, you know, and it's also it's rural Illinois and I don't know, probably, you know, 1910. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, that's what I was going to say. There was dinner. I don't know. You want to touch it? I don't want to touch that thing. I ain't gonna to touch it. You ever see the movie The Savage Beast? It's like a jaws, but it's bees. And then they have they. They notice that the bees are attracted to loud. Sounds like a motor. Yeah. Wow. A Volkswagen, I think. Beetle to drive into a stadium. Yeah, it's the I've seen it's the. I think it's the Astrodome in Houston. That's it, right? Yeah. You can reduce the temperature. Right? Right. They all die. Yeah. Yeah. Gee whiz. Crank up the air conditioning. And they are? Yeah. And they're just in the car. Yeah. You know, outside. Like to have lunch in there, I hope. Yeah, Yeah. Or Olivia de Havilland. I mean, wow. I was going to say the problem. Okay, so, like, family relationships and just relationships in general, an estrangement or just how like you know, you start off and you go for decades living or being in someone's life and then sometimes that changes. Yeah, that's the problem with living too long. When we are in our thirties, everybody got along right. You're right. Who gave a fuck about politics? Because we're all going to be dead in probably ten years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say bring that shit and. Well, yeah. And also to in fiction there's the wise elderly person who learns from their mistakes and as they go along in life and get closer to the grave, they become more open and accepting. Never experienced that. Oh, yeah, it's true. People. They just my experience is all old People that get scared. Yeah. And crossed over. Oh yeah. And all of the like parts of their personality that you, that you navigated around. those were what come to the front and all the good parts, all the things that you liked about him and loved about him. Yeah. They, they just vaporize. Yeah. With, like, the person that could occasionally, you know, who had a temper. Now it's just a fucking raging all the time. Or a person that was like, paranoid and nervous about things is now just a fear of man. Exactly. I had a so as I say, at my grandmother's was 82, 95 and I knew her and I knew her at the end in a nursing home, which wasn't anything but she was such a old she had the weirdest thing people always said is that she had a full head of hair and all her original teeth, which is such a strange thing. But but she would. They were trying to figure out ways to sell her right up until the end. Damn it. All those things that she. Would eat or something if it got sick, she'd spit it to the side no matter who was sitting next to her. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, just be a kid. All of a sudden, food is going steady. Well, we're all watching you. That's the memory I have of her, not the 97 years prior to that. You know, she was a fun ball. And who now, Right? I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You never got to know her, though. It's like. Like my mom's dad, he was very old. He was. He was eight years older than my grandmother, too. so, like, he died in 1975 when I was nine. Right. And when my mom was divorced, we lived with him. So I lived with him. But he just was like he had his own bedroom downstairs. By that point, you know, I just did not have the stairs to deal with and like, I'd I'd his final drive was taking me and my brother to lunch age like seven, having like, you know, who pays attention, what what road safety is about. You know, they we're both like, this is not good. Yeah. Oh that. And I think that was it was his last after that because we came home and like, what, a seven and a nine year old says, Grandpa almost killed us three times. I feel like going that going, going a mile and a quarter in your cradle, Illinois think that you drive. but you know, it too. I mean, I remember like, my grandmother, she died. She was 72 when she died. She died in a car accident. She was driving, but She always drove with a foot on the brake and a foot on the gas and says she. Yeah. So that. Yeah. Because I remember look at, you know, like if we were to go together. Don't die in a. Car. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That was I guess that was the point of this was she, she was driven watch. Yeah. Yeah. Could be. And she, she, she drove and my stepfather was with her and she was driving and he, she died and he didn't but it. Yeah, but. You. Know what my for. Oh my God. He had said what I remember about my I don't know him that well. I remember that my grandmother used to boss him around because he was I guess he was in the Korean War. He was on drugs they wouldn't take. So he was kind of just like following around like a robot. All I remember about their relationship was stuff on me around Pete. That's what I remember. I don't understand in their own house. But anyway. Who doesn't want to take drugs? Especially when someone tells you it's okay? I think if you have to, you don't want to. It's more fun when you're not. But like my cousins and I, when he would throw his drugs into the little creek so that she wouldn't. No, we would wind up taking them anyway. Now they're in the water supply. I would hope so. She's. Yeah. Speaking of like suspicious name, there was a great aunt and an uncle and he, you know, the pegs. We drive the car off so you can work on it. Uh huh. He was laying on the ground going a little further. Oh no. Oh, she killed him. The fucking. She drove over the peg and it killed him. Uncle Pete. I know. So you'd meet the oldest woman in the world. You'd ever see her at funerals and wedding. You always have to play the frail old woman we had. This was his wife? Yes. Oh, my. God. Honey, can you get under the car or like, I'll be under the car and I'll wave you on? I mean, was she did it upset her? She of that she had murdered. That's what he was. Why was he under the car? So he was fix. It or change the oil. Guiding it. So get it up on the. Yeah. Oh is, is she. Oh I see. Just got it. And you put him behind and then you. Can they make the ramp and he was under it. Oh you would think you hiding a haunted woman or something. Yeah. She was loveliest lady. Um, I like donuts. Mm. How many years prior? Oh, like the seventies. Oh, yeah. It's time to get old. You said 75. And me, I was like. Like an apple. Wow. Are you. I. I'm like a kid of the eighties nineties. Are you. Do you consider yourself, like, seventies? Like, well, you know, more eighties because I mean it would be seventies eighties would be the childhood years and then the high school was eighties because I graduated high school in 1984. Because you're an actor and comedian and you don't want to learn that way, but you do a lot of different things and a lot of people know you from The O'Brien Show. Yeah. So it's like not only did you ever see yourself in the talk show arena, but was that something you liked as a kid or when you were like coming out like in the eighties? No, no. I mean, I like David Letterman. Mm hmm. I really I mean, David Letterman. SC TV monitor. Oh, yeah. Those are like the formative comedic influences. And, you know, like, took comedy and it's the same thing with everybody that I know that does this for a living. I was taking comedy seriously before I even knew that I was taking comedy series. Like I was studying it. And I had and I had standards, you know. Mhm. There was shitty comedy and there was good comedy and there was David Letterman who came in and was kind of like that, you know, when he was Johnny Carson, it was it was all bullshit. Mm hmm. Phony showbiz. Bullshit. And then David Letterman comes in and it's like he's kind of a smart ass who thinks everything, you know, and. And a very Midwestern. Yeah, a very Midwestern, like, you know, this whole thing, like, you're get too big for your britches and. Oh, you love to toot your own horn or the one I love that there's it's a I mean, I heard it in like Australia and New Zealand, the tall poppy syndrome which is that poppies grow. And if any of them get to high, you've cut off their head why everyone should all the poppies should have a uniform level. So if one drug so if you grow to high, we're going to cut your head off and wow, that's the. And that's happened to all of. Us. Yeah. We're all tall. In New Zealand, Australia and especially New Zealand. They say if somebody from New Zealand goes out and gets big, they are now. That's when the New Zealanders, they have 5 minutes of pride and then they start to, then they Yeah. Then they're ready to cut their head. Well I'm here. No people are surprised. I come in. Yeah well he's. Huge. He's six foot four. I think I'm 6161. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much taller. No, no. I only want my famous people to be tall. Me too. And there are. It's there. Everybody out here is tiny, and Hollywood is. The good looking ones are. It's very hard to be big and pretty. Yeah. Yeah. I know. But you know, you're tall, but you're beautiful. Oh, bless your heart. Well, you mean. But that makes them even weirder, too. I don't have that. But it's like when. Like a heartthrob. A movie star. Yeah. They're just this tiny, weird. Yeah. And I don't mean it's like a miniature. Like. Yeah, like a toy version. Yes. It's really hard to find them sexy at that point. I think it's just the camera likes small skull. I don't care just too much real estate because. Yeah, I'm got a big skull. Yeah, everything is shot. like from beneath, because everyone is a humble figure out here. It's like you have to get it from the ground and that's it. And if you have to go up too far, then you're just Godzilla, or whatever. It's just like, what? But, okay, so there's this award show season. We were talking about that earlier. Yeah. And it's like it's I am I'm still a viewer by any standard, but it's like you have worked in a lot of movies, television, and you've met all these people sing for you. You fuck everybody. Hmm. Can you separate yourself from it when you're watching like the fucking Critics Choice Award? Or is it like I should be there? No, no, no, no. I mean, having gone to having gone to the Emmys for an hour and being, you know, Lucky. Yeah. No. Well, I know I never I've never won an Emmy. The CONAN Show won a couple of Emmys. You don't take or at least one. But I wasn't. I was. It was after I left, you know. Yeah. Yeah, we were nominated. We were nominated. That doesn't make any sense. They would almost never we would never get nominated for best show. Okay. Because you know, it's like that. You know, losing dorks, I think, is what. But we would get nominated for writing and we would always lose like, the one that made me angriest was and it was it was such a weird category because stand up specials would be on there with variety. Yeah. So, like, we would work 47 weeks a year, writing 5 minutes a week, and then like, the one that got me was Eddie Izzard. Oh, fuck. Him or beat us one year and I saw this special and I was like, Oh, I like Eddie Izzard just fine. But it was like not take that fucking dress off, you know, This is just this is like a movie. Yeah. Oh my God, Hearing that so funny dress. Yeah. And. And you know, one of the I'm sorry, but one of his big bits that he did about planting a flag anywhere, that was Paula POUNDSTONE. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She did it first. Yeah. You kind of like, Wow. Really? I don't. Give me sample. Okay. In clips, like. I love. Her. I don't know. I sort of interview with. She's just the funniest. But anyway, go ahead. Good. Good. Right now, I have no idea that Paula POUNDSTONE, her first special is CROWD Yeah. And and. Watching her. Yeah. And naturally really changing a whole audience to get them on her side. That is impossible. So an audience that didn't know that someone was going to talk to them. Yeah yeah. Everyone's like, can't wait for their turn. Yeah, it bugs me about the crowd. Work thing is like part of my improv versus standup bias. I mean, come from the improv world and being like, wait, and when I like really got to know stand up and be like, well, like in the early and I mean, Louie's problematic for now for me. Louis C.K. was on was right around the corner and show very early on and so and we were friends and you know and my ex-wife and I would go see a show and after like the third time, you're like, oh, oh, yeah, oh, yes. The scene in the same way. And having done it for so long, you know, it just I don't know how you couldn't have like a little bit of like, well, yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like finding out, like, you know, you're an amazing chef just winging it, and then you find out you're using a recipe. Yeah, like you do it, you know, But I forget Why? Well. Well, as was, as a standup who repeats myself to I remember seeing a UCB show and I went twice because I was actually dating somebody in the troupe or whatever, the one out here. And I thought, I know what they're going to do to it. And somebody like yelled something out. the suggestion was a different suggestion, but they did the exact same thing. I was like, Wait a minute, wait a minute. How did that get all the way around to that? There is yes. You like was a Del Close, very purist kind of And I don't mean not everybody did it, because there were definitely people that would have like a character or they would have a gimmick. Like there was one guy, you know, the very simple stages and there would be a flat like, which was just a four by eight of plywood that had a two by four connecting it to the wall. And this guy would climb the flat and flop over and hang over upside down. From that was his whole. Like you do it. Yeah. I'd say if he was doing five shows a week, he'd do a three times, you know, and audience fucking Oh we Oh my God, you're right. And all of us were like, I could, you know, and I just wish I could go back and watch us as he did it and just see our faces like. Load and Andy, this is all in Chicago. Yeah. Correct. Right. Yeah. And but with the video closes was like if you do something, You got to challenge yourself and do something different. You can't do the same stuff over and over. And I mean, it's sound. It is. It's a, it's a really good way to learn. But ultimately, like, when you get out into the world, it's like you can't sustain. No. I mean, when I started in back in the days when I was doing things where I would have to do press junkets and where you do 30 interviews a day, I would be like, I got to say something different every time. Two days, I'm like, What the fuck am I gonna? And so that would just be like, I'm workshopping the story. Yeah, I'm like, It's like that. When I was doing my doing sets, you know, where somebody would come into a room and, you know, But. You have no cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have no cards. I know. We're. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but, Andy, did you happen to know Mike HAGERTY? I didn't know. Mike. Oh, because I loved him. Oh. Oh, he's a you know, he was of an older generation. Yeah, No, but he was a sweetheart. Yeah, I was lucky enough he played my husband, unlucky Louie. You know. Either it probably would have been out here probably through like Garofalo or somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Did you come out do you consider it from Chicago? Sorry. No, no, that's all right. No, I. Because your career is more than just that. So I don't know how like. No. I mean, you know, I went to film school in Chicago, and I was working in film production, which there's mostly commercials. Mm hmm. But I always wanted to perform and. And I learned a lot of film acting in film school because nobody knows any actors. And, know, you do a lot of round robin kind of projects, so you're like, you're going to edit this one, you're going to shoot this one, and I'll be in it, you know? And so then the next one, you'd be the camera person, and so you would be in things where you'd have to act and then you would have screening days and everybody was always making the short student film. And you know, they would show a film that a short film that I was in and I didn't suck. And then I would have people come up go like, Hey, I'm doing a a movie, a short film. Would you come and be in it? And I'm sure you know, and I did a lot of that, um, to a point where it was like, oh, student films are just yeah, oh, you're just 12 hours of nobody knowing what to do. And then, especially when I started interning for a production company and being on professional sets, which like I learned more in two months than two years of film school, you know it then that aspect really, that's when you're like, Yeah, I'm not used to a certain level of professionalism. Yeah. And, and I was loading trucks and getting coffee, but still was like, yeah, you know, how do. You like, I think that's something people don't know is like set behavior. And one of those things is like you do not set behavior, but like the way if you're somebody new, when do you have the confidence to like, just be yourself or be out loud or like, that's why they hired me on. Because you're a gregarious person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I always in work situations, kind of kept my head down and worked hard and didn't. And I wasn't very like, you know, I when I waited tables at Casa, Lupita and Naperville, Illinois, all like the career waitresses after, you know, a number of months working there, you know, it's like cigaret ladies when they were like, we thought you were all that you were stuck up. Prick. Yeah, No, I just was working. You know, And I wasn't. I just was wanted to fit in and wanted to keep my head down and that was on film sets. I was like that, you know, if you're, if you're easy to be with and you work hard, you can keep doing it. And that's the best. Which nobody you know, nobody. I don't know if they they teach that, but it's like I still would see like on the CONAN show, there'd be interns that would come in and complain to us, to the writers, about how they're not really getting to do anything creative. Mm hmm. I mean, it just and just jaw dropping. Oh, yeah. What did you think this was? And I'm I'm always amazed that, you know, when someone's, like, shadowing a director or something, like, in the writers room, there's, you know, maybe a young writer there or someone who wants to be a writer and then they don't say anything the whole time. They don't get anything in a script except, their lunch order. And I always want I'm so close to saying, now, whose kid are you? Yeah, yeah. Whose kid? What the fuck are you doing here? Whose kid are you? What favors this that were, you know, like you're sitting here like a blob doing nothing and whatever? I don't know. Interested in that? Not even that ego isn't the right word, but just people's different, like kind of orbits and things when they cause being on a talk show is at this weird intersection of absolute movie star musical. Just everything. Yeah. Yeah. Who? Because the mood has to change every day. Yeah. Based on who's going to be there. Yeah. And you've got to be on your feet. I mean, that was like, I didn't set out to be myself, you know? I mean, after Yeah, I wanted to be a broadcaster. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, but I had, I mean I had the, you know, I had the ability to and it is a genetic thing. I got a lot of wise crackers in my family. They're very funny, quick people and, and I had that ability and then like any muscle, you know, you exercise it and they get stronger and improv gave me that. It also kind of and I mean, I don't know if it's a midwestern thing, but I also was more unimpressed than most by a lot of the stuff and always just kind of had the suspicion, like I said about David Letterman, like you know, this isn't nearly as big a deal as you think it is. Right? Yeah. And that's when we were talking a little bit earlier about award shows before we started. That's what I always come away with. It's like, take it easy. I just fucking. Oh, you know what? Yeah, but you know, also men. So you saw, like, firsthand how dumb actors are sometimes. I mean, for the most part, I'm right. I'm always like, Holy fuck, you sure. Well, to when you think, you know, I feel bad for a lot of a lot of these young people, you know. Well, not now, but then or, you know, even like maybe 15, 20 years ago, they dropped out of high school or whatever they were, child stars. They didn't finish their education. They just kept trying to be on TV or in movies. So they are not really a fully developed person. Yeah, no that and especially and yeah, and raised like an animal that sets up for treats. I know like, oh my God. I always, I have always felt like whenever there's somebody like Jennifer Lawrence, she was on the CONAN show a little bit like when she started out and she was a big fan of the show. And in talking to her, she's really cool. And yeah, she's like Kentucky or Tennessee or somewhere, just like a really cool. And I just I would worry sick about myself worried, sick about like, oh my God, they're just going to chew you, you know, I don't know whether or not they have, but it's just I would never, ever let my, my, my daughter, who's 18 now, there was a couple times because she went to school with kids that were working actors and she would ask me to do it and I would say, No, really? I would say, No, I will not. I said, If you get to 16 and you want to work, you can get a job at the grocery store where you can, you know, work at a coffee shop or something. That's where I was like, But no, you cannot do this. And when she asked me why, I said, Because you'll be surrounded by people who are making money off of you. First and foremost, I am pretty much the beginning and end of it. Yeah. And. And they will tell you they love you. They will tell you that you're fantastic. They will tell you that all of the money and the work is secondary to how much they care about you as a person. While they are judging your looks, your voice, how fat you are, how thin you are, or you're just, you know, your mood, whether if you're not feeling it, they'll judge you for that. And they said you just that's hard enough to do as an adult. Yeah. In that sort of like intense judgment it is unmooring to the most secure person in the world. And to do that to a child is just it's fucked up. Yeah. when I left my ex-wife, I moved into an apartment building in Burbank that was like a new fancy apartment building. And there were tons of people from out of town that were parents that were like acting kids. Oh, you're Ohio. And my son has a my son's one of the kids in the classroom at young Sheldon or something like that. Oh, no. And he's like, And I was I was just thinking, like the pressure. Yeah, like, And it's something you learn as a parent, like to let children be in charge is cruelty. Yes. Child be in charge is cruel. I mean, the Romanoffs. Did it for. Yes. Yeah. Oh, my God. But even like when you got in, when your kid is, you know, I have a four year old now and I and my wife was a single mom when I met her. And there was this she had this little child who there's no other babies around. So it's grandparents and aunt and uncle are catering to this child and she runs them. She still she goes to Gammy and Gammy, she runs that fucking household. And it's not good for her. It's it ultimately, children want to know that they're protected and that then that somebody else is in charge because it's scary, you know? So, Andy, your stepdad. I am now, but I adopted her, so I am her. Oh, okay. That's nice. Adoptive. Dog. So you can like, you know, discipline her and just say, look. Yeah. No, you're not that you're not you're not the first person around here. You are not that. I might not like her. No. Yeah, of course not. But I started to say like there was never a hammer. And I was. And all of a sudden there's a hammer and the time it happened you know, when my. wife and I were dating and I was at her house and. it was time for Cornelia to go to bed. Cornelia And they. And but her and it's or Coco which I was like Team Coco. Oh no. Oh God. Dammit, Can't you get away. For something else? Oh, I. But it was, it was that night and it was the beginning of the negotiations. I'm like, I got to go to bed. No, I won't. No, I won't. No, I want no one. And I finally just was like. it's time to go to bed. You got to go to bed. And she said, No. And I said, I'm going to count to three. And I said, And if you say no again, I'm going to pick you up and just go and put you in bed, which for her, I can still I live in fear of the day when she realizes that me saying, if you don't get into your car seat and buckle yourself in, I'm going to do it. But that's nothing like that's like, Oh my God, no fucking way. If I let it. You want me in my car, you know? Oh, child, that day you. I push an elevator button. She's fucking fear. Oh, I am. I'm 41. You can't. Oh, my gosh. Let me just know that button. I got to push it. Oh, it. Was the best because nobody wanted to touch that. Right? Right. Now, don't fucking let. Me do it. Yeah. Oh, man. So. So she's too young to say you're not my real father. That kind of crap. I said that to my my stepdad at 30. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind of asshole. Yeah. Yeah. My mom just got married for the first time when she. When I was 30. And if my dad would say it, my stepdad would say anything like. So how's it going? I said, I don't have to hear that. But you're not. My real deep thought was. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, he was a sheriff. We didn't have a lot in common. Really? Married. A narc? Yeah. Oh, wow. It was funny. He was a nice, you know, like a small neighborhood cop. Yeah. Yeah, It was so crazy. Yeah. That's so. Anyway, I'm so. You guys are two kids also that are 20 here. 19? Yeah. I'm scared of anyone who's going with me, because that's kind of two different generations. Yes or no. Yeah. Yeah, it is a little bit. Yeah, I guess. Well, I mean honestly she's going to turn four next month and there's no, they're not part of a generation. They're fun right. Animals. Yeah. It's like you're just dealing you truly are just dealing with an end. Yeah. You're just trying to rein in. But in a way, I think she's really lucky. Little Cornelia, to. To have you this part of her life. Like this is what she's going to remember. Like that she's, you know, you're going to she's going to be really she's going to remember how funny you are and how sweet you are. More than anything. I think so. I mean, she still, you know, her mother and her I have a preexisting relationship, so I can't really. Yeah. You know. Yeah, that's I don't. I mean, she doesn't love me, but she's very. Mommy, Mommy, you know. That was me, my mom, because my dad was never around. And so we were always like my mom and I were like, That was it? Yeah. I'm around. Yeah, Yeah. And she does love me and like, you know, she'll come like, like, sit on my lap. But if I draw any attention to the fact that she, you know, is being physically affectionate or close to me, then she's like, Whoa, fuck that. Oh, yeah, definitely. And I'll tell her I. I tell her I love her. And she goes like, I don't love you. You know, she will tell you she does occasionally. But I would say 90% of the time is like, I don't love you. And and I'm like, okay, whatever. And I said, I still love you. And she's like, Well, I don't love you, But it's always like. Wait a minute, this is your new wife? Yeah, did you ever live in Italy before? During Konan? Yeah. As an actor, I did, Yeah. I was, uh, went to film school, had a bunch of friends, and like I said, I was starting to act and wanted to act. Thought about, taking classes at Second City. Even looked it up in the yellow Pages. Oh, good city. Like how does it work? But you had a, you were on a you, you had your own show also. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, that's much later, but I think, but I, um, I there the annoying student has a show called The Real Life Brady Bunch, and that was a big hit. It was like it was adult actors doing reenactments of Brady Bunch episodes that Yeah. Brought me to L.A. and then I got an agent from there and you know, we did it We were at the Westwood Playhouse and did it. We started in New York at the Village Gate, and it was all a bunch of us. Wow. Oh, how fun that one. It's been amazing. here and there was a second cast from Chicago doing it at the Village Gate. So it was playing in New York. And the real Brady Book here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very popular at the time and it went and it was a very funny in there. A lot of you know, it's all about it's, everything's always about execution. And they were very they're very talented, funny people, very gifted comedic performers in that thing. So. You know, it seems like there should have been like a not a duel, but like brave bunch versus Brady Bunch, like The New Yorker. Right, Right. Just to see one. Of the only shows you can really. Do with in New York cast was second string. Yeah, I was going to say that. B-team. Yeah. Did you New York for Know I was living in Los Angeles. I went from New York to L.A. and then. The Brady Bunch kind of then turned into the Ice Capades and was doing one nighters around the country. I did not want to do that. Yeah. So I, drove back home, filled up my Toyota pickup with my belongings, and I was sleeping on my mother's couch wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself. And I got a callback for the movie Cabin Boy. I went back out to L.A. and and that was going to be the beginning of my big film career. And it was. But yeah, but I mean, but, you know, and I've told this before, but I had the the cabin boy was going to be my nest egg, and it was like a hummingbird real quick. And I was applying for jobs at the job. CONAN They said, you got it. Come to New York. I got a call from a theater in Westwood that I got the job as the assistant manager. I was say, like, I'm sorry. Oh, that's great. So afraid of like, being behind the popcorn counter while cabin Boy played at the theater. I was living in fear. That I was. The cabin boy had a lot of press, and it was a movie that had that guy. Is a cult and became a cult favorite. Yeah, I can remember like the kid because it's a Tim Burton film, right? Tim Burton Pretty. Similar. Yeah, because it wasn't like this. Do you hang out? Do you see Chris Elliott at all? Oh yeah. I haven't seen him in a long time. I used to see each when I lived in New York City. Yeah, Yeah. And. But I think he's. He's pretty much up in Connecticut. I don't even know if you spend too much time in New York City, but I haven't seen him in a long time. But he and Adam Resnick, they were, you know, a creative partners and they get a life together. Oh, yeah. And so, you know, I mean, but, you know, time goes on and I know I. Remember seeing it. I was the worst job I ever had was on SNL. But the fact that he was there made it, like, amazing, him and Janine. And but I remember seeing him in New. York, rough. Oh, jeez. Everybody's talking about what Janine says about getting cast on SNL. She was as if she was being gifted. She was like the native people in America being given the pox. Ha, ha. Not for me, you know. Oh, yeah. We used to go because we could go to the afterparty. Oh, yeah. My wife and I would go to the afterparty. the show and then we, you know, go at nice and young and go and see these, go to these parties and had tons of fun. And I remember going one that Chris was in. Yeah. And he was sitting, eating and I came up and I said like, Hey Chris, I saw you in the show. You were very funny. And you look up with a mouthful of wood when I fucking hate myself. Oh my God. I'm going to talk to you later, buddy. I'll talk to you later. Well, Janine, I. When we were, we had the same we had a dressing room together, and so we were we were drinking and watch. And I remember like, why? You know, just because we were rarely in any of the sketches or whatever. And I remember laughing out loud and Janine said, You can't be laughing at the show. What are you watching? And I said, I'm watching the bud Frog. And from then I was I mean, I still want to I still want to write and produce commercial commercials because I think the blood frogs or. Yeah, the Budweiser frogs were the only thing that made me laugh that year. Do you remember that when it was the Budweiser that was was this one? I was in astronomy class when I thought astronomy was just like mindblowing facts about the universe. No, I can't give a fuck about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we had this really intense teacher professor and extra credit questions were always sent up Blue Oyster Cult trivia, which was out of nowhere right. I knew was about that and I did astronomy crazy, but he was giving us some stern lecture about our grades need to come up because he's not a bad teacher and then someone is ringtone with. I can't find your phone back. Of that. I think about that. Wow. Because he the teacher was Silent Fury. You know community college not taking any of this seriously. Oh really? And I love that man. Were you ever I would ask you, were you ever star struck like when you were getting into the business or. Yes. Yes. I mean, definitely. I mean, I would get I'm I just I would tend to clam up, though. I had the good sense to just clam up. And like the first big one was and I was on it, we did a bunch, you know, in the late night with CONAN O'Brien started we did a I think like two weeks of test shows, maybe eight something like I mean, it wasn't like five, but we did like, like at least eight passes, you know, not not that much. And that was that was no, no, it was it was like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, it's like you got to rehearse. I mean, I think probably Do they probably at Well, first of all, talk shows are fucking dead. Let's just be so. You think so. Abso that fascinates are in the fucking Grindhouse for a while because nobody gives a shit anymore, right? Mm. Too much. There's too much to pay attention to. There's too much else going on. They exist because of publicity. Right. Well, they exist first of all because they're cheap. They're in fact they're one of the cheapest hours of television possible is a talk show because, you know, you're not it's like, you know, you get that you already paid for the room, you got the band, you know, and the audience. But it was always was the thing that drove it was the publicity was getting plugs in was and and now plugs are everywhere right that you have you know I could open my phone and I there would be a plug before I could see anything from a friend, you know. Yeah. So that doesn't matter anymore. Young people don't give a shit. Mm hmm. I think network TV's done, too. I mean, I feel like sitcoms. I mean, I think sitcoms are definitely there. People will be what's old people won't. People in young people and rural people, I think. Yeah, nobody nobody cares. And even, you know, the CONAN show, the way people consume those shows now is in clips that they email or oh, a network to create a product, you know, like it's like, a restaurant that people get stuff to go, but they don't pay for it. They go sell it out in the parking lot. Know they don't you know, I mean, TVs for years who are show existed mostly online and TBS is like paying for this show that is you know is people are consuming from teen Coco and right and TBS did not that was one of the brilliant things Coleman did when he made that shift is that he owned Team Coco. So he owned this digital presence and it took years for TBS to work their way into getting a piece. Of their show. But yeah, and I don't, you know, when James Corden, you know, decided to move on, which is just I don't I don't know if I should I mean, it's impolitic for me to say things like this. Like I said, Jimmy Kimmel was on my podcast and I said, Well, you know, nobody watches talk shows anymore. Yeah, I was like, I never have. Like, I don't it's I don't take it personally. Yeah, never did. It was, you know, like, oh I guested I did a guest spots on a show once. That was well it was it was called The New Adventures of Old Christina. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a divorced mom with a son starting her own like start your own business and trying to start again. And I said to one of the other actors on the show at one point, because I was in like six episodes, I said, you know, I said, this is a really funny, well-written show. I said, It's not for me. I mean, you know, like a story about a, you know, a woman in her forties and reinventing yourself and starting to date. Again because who cares about women either. Thank you. I mean, I got to say, you know. Yeah, Who wants to watch? I know who I know. Well, you haven't looked at me this whole time. You can't make eye contact with me because I'm Lapis. I know, I know because I'm over 35. So why look at me? But here's the thing. I also. It's crazy. Like how, you know, women over 40 shouldn't be on TV. I mean, because you know what? Why even look at them, right? You know? You know, I just. Mean that, like, for me, just personally, like men, you know, it's like Nancy Meyers movies. I don't. Oh, they don't speak to me either. So it's like, you know. But I mean, but there's like, you know, I don't not like fucking watching Yellowstone either. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah. You know, I think there's just some things that aren't for me, but this guy was deeply offended. But I would say this is really fine, but it's not for me. Yeah, you know, I was, like, super deeply offended, so I. Oh, no. What you said you were saying to Jimmy Kimmel that people don't watch Kimmel so. Well, you know, what are like bang zoom ratings now would have got you canceled ten years. Yeah. You know, just the numbers are just so And he kind of very patiently was like, no, that's not true. People are still watching talk shows. And I was like, Because he's a friend of mine and I love him. And I was like, Oh, okay, yeah, maybe that wasn't like super sensitive for me to say, but, but it's just, but I also too, like, I cannot stomach lying to myself and I cannot stomach falseness. And I think it's like a cancer on our lives when you say like, Will James Corden is moving on when it's like no talk shows are dying. Yeah. MM No, he's getting canceled. Is being replaced by a panel game show. MM No, because it just does not it doesn't work anymore. From a stand up point, it's like Johnny Carson is, I guess, the last of it. But it's like a career maker, right? Yeah. Those days that were that many people would see one broadcast. Yes. It might not even be reruns, Right? Yeah. Is long gone. Yes. And thank God. You think. Yes, I kind of agree. You know, cranky old wife beater should not have that much power. Agreed. As a gatekeeper. Yes. Yes. He has a platform anywhere. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, and stand up specials are just not special either. We were talking about that. There's this, like, lousy. There's just filling space. Yeah, it's like the album that people don't listen to a full album anymore. So the B-side is the single Aware? Yeah. Yeah. It is weird to watch because it's like especially in variety television, which I guess the talk show is, it's like it's a full solid hour of you have to have a TV show and now it's like nobody wants even that much here. I mean, it's like, do you as a creator, struggle with what's going on right now? Take a lot now. I don't know what the fuck to do with myself, right? Honestly, I don't know. I you know, I and you mentioned I am lucky in that I can do lots of different things. And as my time has evolved in this business and I've tried different things, you know, as I said, I said I wanted to be a character actor. I just want to be a character actor in movies or television. And and I mean, initially when I was young and uppity, it was it was movies. And now it's like, well, television's better than movies, right? Yeah. So and it doesn't matter, especially at this point. I have come to the conclusion because like, one of the things that I can do is I can I'm directing television commercials. Oh, great. And it's based back from Chicago. A guy that I played with is in AP at a company. And and I can do that because, you know, one of my main talent and one of my main roles on the college show was producing the show, helping make the show go. That needs a new ending. which animals should we use in the animal segment You know like cut that elephant or whatever, you know, and and that was and I you know, I like I pen the name of very, very grandiose, but I call myself the Comedy Consigliere. GARY Nice. CONAN Everybody needs somebody to go. Is that funny? Yes, you know, yeah, go Is that funny? Because, I mean, I'll write things and I'm like, I think this is really good. And somebody be like and I'm like, oh, okay. I guess, you know, you don't you don't know exactly. That's why I feel bad for Garrett for living with me, because, like, he gets that every day. Like, if I'm going to do a stand up, is that fine? Now I Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's also one of the things that I feel like mean, I'm indebted to CONAN for everything, but one of the things is that he invited me into that creative process in a way that I felt needed and necessary rewarded with trust, with ongoing trust. Yeah. Monologue meetings where he'd read a joke and he'd look at me. Yeah. Which was I thought. Yeah, but I mean, no, but I mean, in the meeting, like, as weird as weird, you know, they come in with ten jokes and then they went down to, like, three. Yeah, Yeah. Monologue writers on our show. Yeah. But, you know, he would look at me and I'd go, now, and again, I'm very blunt about that big change coming from when I left the show in the first place in coming to L.A. where you can't tell someone, I don't think that will work. You have to like explain to them how great it is and how in a different universe it would be the greatest thing ever. I just don't think it would work here. I'd be like, Nah, yeah. People would be like, Whoa, You know, like, it's like we're all magicians. You can't give me does a card trick. We don't go, Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. But I just. You can give me a little comedy script, and I hope I know how to get it to the screen in a in a efficacious way fan tastic. I've got like three I would tell you about. I'll read them in the way, but I just didn't doing these commercials. I just now I just realize like, I just for I just want to be on the set. I just love being on the set and making things. Mm hmm. I don't even really like being in front of an audience that much, to be honest. Yeah, I just. It's just not my thing. I don't. I need it. I don't need it. They're lovely, wonderful people that are, you know, that are are the reason we're all here. But I don't need them in my timing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need them in my timing. I don't, I don't need to have something that we came up with that we know is fucking hilarious. Yeah. And then have, you know, a bunch of people who it was like, well, they couldn't get into Big Bang Theory, so they're going to go see this. Yeah. Yeah. They don't buy it, right? I'm it's like, well, okay, you're entitled. I don't blame you for not buying it. You're you, you have your own taste. But I'm not going to get hung up on it. And it's kind of a nuisance that I have to. Yeah. When I like a set I like a lot. Or our own little group. Yeah. We brought our own reality and we said it was all in trucks and we unpacked it and put it down. And then when we're done, we pack it up and move away. And I just. That's all I want to. Do and get what you've written on to, onto the screen without like 5000 or even just the audience or the producers, are everybody always like chipping in like, you know, Garrett and I were watching this series last night that we were really looking forward to. It was Clive Owen, and it was more sure Spade is about he, about how Sam Spade, you know, the legendary detective, moved to France and whatever, but I could tell. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was on. Yeah, it was just on. And I could tell just from being in writers rooms and everything that everyone had their point of view. Everyone had to get their, their little shit in there. And so it's, so it's, it's watered down and there's no point of view. I hear writers rooms all the time. It makes. Oh, it's awful. To keep my mouth shut around other people because it's no fun to watch TV with me. Yeah. Oh yeah. Because I just I can. Hear, yeah. I can hear whatever Josh or Jerry pitch that. Oh yeah. And so yeah. It's not I Yeah it's, it's, but it is, it's like, you know, it's where I have my 10000 hours. Yeah. Kind of literally, you know, or at least thousands and thousands of hours. You make on television. You've done a lot I mean you've done a lot of TV and movies, but my, like, favorite favorite is like Strangers with Candy. Oh, thank you. So how organic can you talk about being on set because you're in a couple episodes? Sure. How much are they sewing that shit together on set or was it like scripted? And we know exactly. What we're doing. It was scripted, but there's all kinds of play. Amy Sedaris Yeah, she's because she just got a letter. She's awesome. I know. Like she was in Elf and, and like she was fucking around and somebody kind of told her, like to stop fucking around. and I was saying that again. It's like it probably was not very smart of me to do, but like, you know, we're on like everybody's got headsets. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I sa get kind of talked to and then because Amy will fuck with you while you're, while you're doing your side of things, you know, like you're doing your side. Yeah. And she's doing, and she's doing her lines off camera and she will fuck with you trying to make you break on her show. Oh, ha. Show And I and I and that it's thrilling to me. And every time that she would do it, I'd be like, Fuck you, Amy. No fucking way. You're going to break through this. And, uh, and that's how she is. She like, it's playing all the time. And then you start the camera. The play doesn't change or start it just you turn, you turn the camera on and catch it. And, so somebody came in and then she kind of like I could see her kind of, you know, like bad girl, kind of like. And I said, What would you say? And she said, He told me that, you know, because like somebody had a like, you know, somebody was having a speech about saving Christmas, you know, or some shit like that. And she said she got it. And I was just like, I told you not to screw around. I was like, You're fucking screwed. That's what you do. Like, why hire any why hire you if it's not to let you fuck around? Yes. You know. What am I hearing Things in the world. She was on Letterman, like, 30 something. Yeah, which is not. Yeah, Yeah. Standups aren't even on the show that much. Yeah. And the best thing is and you can see him do it. He invites her on, she shows up in a lovely, huge, crazy dress or something weird. Yeah. And then he just sits back. Yeah. And doesn't say a word. Yeah, just. Nothing's. It airs. We just let your viewers. Uh. That's why I love that show so much in general. Yeah, but there's one where you're like, Oh, Roy, you give me your money. Yeah, yeah. I've heard that for, like, 30 years. First time I ever. First time I met her, she called Anello. We're still. I think they may have been living together, and it was through MIT Napier, who is the, artistic director of the Annoyance Theater. And he directed some shows at Second City. So he was he was one of the second city directors that would do their different sort of ensemble shows. And I knew Amy and I'd seen her on stage or something, but it was a birthday. And, you know, I don't I maybe 27th or something, you know, it was her birthday and we went to her apartment, which of course it, you know, still was like 100 vintage squirrels. And I think it was Paul who because they were living together because they there and they're amazing. They were they were a couple. And then they, you know, decided not to be a couple, but they have been creative partners forever continuously throughout. But she got and Paul got her an old timey wicker wheelchair. I had like big long ones. I got like, you know, like a front wheel expands And she was he and he yeah. And just was tooling around like like didn't get out of it for like 2 hours. Just to. Make her wheelchair and and it was just always the same like, you know like being on set with her in her fat you get your fat suit. But there was you stuck to the script Pretty much, Yeah, there was. You know, it was always plenty of room for fucking around. The other thing I love you so much is is it big trouble. Yeah. Which has a zillion catch names in that. I didn't see it. A cop. Very tan, which I love because she Geneva was on Tom Snyder. Yeah. And it's like where the lighting was so poor that the tan react to you. I mean, I think it's for the movie. Yeah, I know. It was all the same. The mall car, the security. Yeah, I'm a security guard. You're so. Funny. Oh, thank you. You're hammered and you're running around your guns going. I have a gun. Yeah, I got to. I got to run. Yeah, that was fun. It was weird, too, because, like. I just worked with these three because it's, like, kind of like, it's. It's a madcap kind of, you know, star studded cameos. And I think, you know, there's, like, rappers in it and everybody's. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of people. Well, who's the star lady from the fuck I'm going to fuck? Rene Russo. Yeah. Rene Russo on Tim Allen. Yeah. Hmm. Um, so I played this drunken mall cop and I am interacting with the three teens, and one is Ben Foster. You know, we're like that guy. He's fucking amazing, you know? then Zoe de Chanel was there, too, and D.J. Qualls and Zoe told me later that, like, Ben would get up because he would like, try to say something like, funny to me and then punish himself because he didn't take it. And I didn't you know, it's not registered to me at all. But she said that like he that she said to me later that and this was like years later, she said, like he was so trying to like, impress you or not, you know, And he just was so such a nervous and like just pushing himself up, you know? Do people try to do that to you and, like, turn you in, not turn you into a sidekick, but wingman, you know? But they will like I will be at a coffee shop and the people next to me all of a sudden start to do. They all start they get a little louder like. Oh, no. Funnier. God. I mean, it's kind of darling, you know? And I mean and I take it as a compliment, but it is a little bit like, Honey, you don't have the. Yeah, yeah. Actually, we could go back to what the question was like maybe 5 hours ago that that who did you feel like you kind of like were nervous about meeting. Yeah. Yeah. Oh well the first one and I'll tell you the quick Shelley Winters. Story. the show was getting started. She was a guest on the show and there was what they called an airlock, which is like the doors to the studio. And then there was like this little area, and on one side was a green room and on the other, like a kind of private in green room. And on the other side was of the hallways, this little hallway maybe, you know, 15, 20 feet long. And on one side is that green room. On the other side is Conan's dressing room and hair and makeup. And so it was like this little compartment. And I'm standing there waiting for the music to get to the point which I go out and do the show. And she comes out of hair and makeup with one of our hair brushes up, and she has it under her blouse and and pulling her bra and scratching her back under her bra, like around to the front, under the like up there on it. Yeah. Yeah. With our hair brush. Yeah. She's a lady talking about this lady. And then just through the door, apropos of nothing. I don't know if he was pretty keeping a beard or he was across the hall at Live at five is Rip Taylor, you know, me and Shelley Winters and Taylor adding in this little tiny space, the band playing warm up music and she sees him and she goes, Rip, be. Ready. Honey, I'm so nervous. Tell me a joke. Be a Joe Walker number one. Just repeat recipe. That's really good. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, absolutely. I think. Yeah, Yeah. He was roommates with Marilyn and. Yes. And she says she taught Marilyn Monroe how to walk sexy. Oh, that's. That's. Yeah. Yeah. I would doubt it the first star struck was during the test shows. I thought I had the job, but I, you know. Oh, man. You know, I know there was I was like, Oh, I'm going to be the sidekick. Oh, that's an NBC trick. You know, I was supposed to be I was told that I was going to be the co-anchor on SNL, and I had auditioned with five other all the other cast members. And then you should have. I know. And that was that. Norm Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway. I think knowing what a shared space. Was, that's exactly what happened. How did you know that? Uh, I am going around. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. So I. Comedian friends also share some good buddy. But so after before one of the test shows one of the later sessions, maybe the last one, the next the last one, our producer says, leave your cloth, your show clothes on. You're going to dinner with Lorne. And so after the show, we got into Lorne's car and drove us to a fancy Upper East Side restaurant. We said, We're here to have dinner with Lorne Michaels, and they take us back to a table, and it's Lorne and Steve Martin. While. And then it's Guy. So it's like, you know, like I said, a couple months before or I'm hoping I can get the assistant manager job at the movie theater. And now it's just the four of us sitting there and I'm looking at Steve Martin and I'm just looking at, yeah, yeah. You know, I just like, you know, from that point, I, I didn't say, you know, I didn't speak unless I was spoken to. And, and that was always the case with people that really mattered to me, like Michael Keaton, you know, like sitting and looking at Michael Caine like I would do. I'm going to say Michael Keaton. I think you're good. Yeah. Yeah, I. Have to sneak on to the movies. That one. So, Miss Congeniality. Oh, wow. There's a bazillion extra. So I just, like, walked by and joined. Wow. And then it was like a cut because I knew Candice Bergen was around. Right back at me was like, Where is my radar? Right? I was like, I. Said, it was bad. Candice Bergen is in town. Oh, man, It was over there. She was close to camera. I got to see her hair. Yeah. Murphy Brown hair. Anyway, and then someone brushed me and he goes, Sorry. And he popped a Hershey kiss as now. And it was Michael fucking thing. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Oh, my God. I knew that. That's what I was like. Yeah. Was that amazing moment I remember it like feeling starstruck, like not knowing where to do it, because I was in a flower shop and I saw I just saw somebody who I who I'd always admired. And she was like, had her kid like it was wearing a kid, Jodie Foster. And I was just like, wow, you know, she's she's also very tiny. Jodie Foster's like five foot three, maybe. And I was like, you know, and just like being such a huge fan of hers for so long and then seeing her like, you know, with her baby on, in front of. Yeah, Baby Bjorn. And I was like, how? So Jodie Foster was just on Jimmy Kimmel. And do you ever watch talk shows and you're the answer to that. Is there ever a time where. You and not just because they're dead, I don't watch them because it's like a plumber watching HGTV. Like, yeah, again, I'm no fun. Yeah. All I see is seems you know, like, yeah, spontaneous moments. I know how fucking engineered they are. I know that they were hundred emails around like, oh my God. He went, you know, a piano. You. Know, whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah. I just saw it when there's a guest and I want that, like one more question, right? Like, maybe like, because Jodie Foster told a great story about who's said, well, scaring her, I'm like. Oh, really? How? When? Like, yeah, one more question. About I didn't get was they. Were like, Whose stars have you met or Oh. This scares you. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. And she goes, Well, there are a lot of legends. When I came up and it was Lucille Ball was actually very scary. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, now I. Want to know why she didn't say the name. Well, there, you know, she said that name. Oh, I want more detail. Oh, I mean, yeah, I always get mad when, like, the interviewer doesn't get like one. You know, It's so funny. So now it's dark. That's how long we've talked and it's the next day, and I just. Feel like a hostage. Yeah, I know, but you're amazing. You're so amazing. And thank you so much. I love Blab. And. You're hilarious. And I love seeing you. I want to see you more often. We have to, like, hang out or something. You know, we should. Yeah. And I have a, you know, a new wife and a four year old, and we need. To meet them. Yeah. The problem is, is it just like. I mean, like I said, I don't, I don't. It's easy for me, it's easy for me and it's something I push against my natural proclivity towards receiving, you know, and to just kind of stay in home and, you know, and just, it's also too like having a gazillion years of socializing and small talk. Now I'm just like, now I'd rather, you know. Oh, it's true. I'd rather just kind of stay home. I feel the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So but I have to push against it because it's not good. Because that's like, that's what I was saying. I don't want to get old and closed down. I want to get old and open up. Yeah. As I get older, I want I want to be more open as opposed to less open. So I have to push against it. But it is really hard. But fucking for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's a perfect excuse. She goes to bed and it's like, Whoa, what the fuck? What are we doing? Yeah, let's just. What? She's got the idea. Let's go to bed. I mean, I'm often asleep by 930. I remember it was like, Yeah, when you're when you're a kid, you don't want to take a nap, and then you're older. You can't wait. Oh, can I just have a fucking nap? But it's just such a privilege to meet you. Oh, yeah, You're hilarious. I've always made me Las Vegas. Thank you for. So this has been a lovely conversation. I think we should say, look, we love you and we know we're not going to see you again any day. Everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Eddie Richter is here. I'll be okay.