"Danke's Inferno" with Paul Danke

We sat down on a perfect rainy day with comedian, actor, arsonist and our close friend, Paul Danke. We discuss tasting Fontana's air, the thrill of a disaster, the ring of fire, end time prophets, teaching your children about the dangers of meritocacy, Paul's new album on a Special Thing records, Blam! Blam! Blam!, highschool sketch programs, News Kids, Juggle Social Clubs, Bill Clinton copping a feel on Laura, Alanis Morissette: "Am I this woman?", lighting a stage on fire and apologizing through the gift of song.

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Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:08

It was like, that's why drugs are good. I want to start this. Oh, we. Are. Shall we go ahead. Oh, we can. I mean, it doesn't matter. I like or something. You're welcome to what we thought would happen. We are so lucky to have this brilliant comic actor or disaster specialist just born on the San Andreas Fault and living life through no fault of his own. Here is the beautiful, sexy and talented Paul Danke. Thank you for having me. I'm so glad you're here. And Daniel, Dan, you. I'm sorry. This is still because, you know, Daniel and I have our ongoing friendship. I'm so happy to see Dan. You, Daniel, no matter what. And then and then to have Paul. You too. It's like a great rainy day. Did you guys. Well, you guys didn't look because you're because Paul's from here out here and you are from Texas. You've never had snow days. Or did. You? But there was no snow on the ground. Oh, really? Missed school and watched the f***ing Addams Family show without a drop of like, any kind of. Oh. Which. So was there an announcement. That the the concept of ice on the road Shut the f***ing school down? It's dangerous. Yeah. Thinking about it is dangerous, so. Yeah, Yeah, but I didn't. We didn't have snow days down here, but we would occasionally have smog days. We couldn't take recess outside because the air quality was so terrible. Fontana is like a very industrial kind of area that used to have, like steel mills and oil, oil refineries and everything. And this guy had this horrifying color. He's yellowy brown. And if you got up in the morning or it's still foggy, you could taste the air. It's just terrible. It was so bad. Oh, accurate. Uh huh. So is it near Pomona? I don't know where the anything is. Is. Okay. You drive through it. There's now a NASCAR track in there. You drive through, you go down to, like Palm Springs. Oh, okay. Because I remember going to Pomona and being stunned because the the smog, like, stays like you're at your knees. It's like you're walking through. Yeah. And it's. Yeah, come on over. They used to have orange groves and now they have the only living orange grove left. And it's like the size of this table. Oh, how. I don't know. Yeah, that's what even when I lived in Tons and tons of fruit, but. And now we're all we're. That was, is an IKEA and. Everything. Around us was beautiful. Just like long rows of vegetation. And now all that's like whenever I drive by like I was so mad when my parents moved, I totally get why they were like, Get lost. Yeah, yeah. Like Texas is a huge space. And so the sprawl has a lot of ways to go, but it's like a weird computer program or like a animation background, you know, where they just loop the same, Oh, can you did that Applebee's or that Applebee's or that apple? Oh, man. Continuous or like that Best Buy show. We did this to inspire that. That's why it all blurs together. That's but there was an earthquake in Fontana. Oh yeah. Like a week ago. They're like when you said I was born on the San Andreas Fault and I love. I still love earthquakes so far. Oh, yes. Oh, there's an earthquake in Japan. I'm like, Oh, of course, because we're all on the ring of fire. We share. Yeah, we share a fault situation. Did you ever go or did you have like the Omni or the IMAX theater as a kid? Omnis Where it's around and around you, the theater is like a dome. I still can't get over of Ring of Fire because I don't know what that means. The Ring of Fire is like a chain of volcanoes that encircle the Pacific. So. Oh, so like, we sort of share, you know, Japan is always charted there. Earthquakes since forever and less so over and on the American side. But like they can they can even chart through like Native American law and stories with these events that also happened in Japan. Wow. That's really cool. That's really. Interesting. I mean, now the Ring of Fire is just me after a weekend at the Dunes and. I. All I can think of is this Johnny Cash song. We went to see it. So the Omni was like a movie theater where they were having a major. It was all in a museum. They had a special called The Ring of Fire is all about volcanoes and earthquakes, but somehow they tied it into like, it's the end of the world is imminent and it's going to be via earthquake. Anyway, I was a kid and it scared me shitless. I thought everything was going to go falling and. That was going to be my that's my plan B is end time profit because you don't have to be right. Nobody ever f***ing is. Yeah. Doctor Jack Van Envy. Is this insane? He's dead. All of his end of the world stuff. And you can trace it back in the sixties. His records that he put out where the Russians were. The end of the world. You're brilliant. How would you even know that channel? And I. Here's the reason why His wife, who I believe is still alive. Her name is Dr.. Which is Dr. Rex Sela. Fan MP ruined my life. You're Dr.. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm Barney. Yeah. Oh, with the end times in around. Oh. I love a disaster. I do. I, I've always loved, you know, there's always growing up and time and time profits were so big and then it was always, you know, church based, which I felt like really exciting as a kid. And then it sort of validated the, Oh, my gosh, they're right. Like. Yeah, they got you. You're like, Yeah, well, it is. It does look bad. Because God isn't wrong when you're a. Kid. Did you have to go? Did you go to church when were a kid? Oh, yeah. Look, if you ask a serious church question. Wait a second. Did you go to it? Oh, I forgot I had that on. God dammit, you cuties, I forgot. Oh, right there. Is that rubbed in? Yeah. Did you go to church? Well, did you, Paul? Danke. Yeah. I did. Well, I just love now that end Time province is now science based, you know? Oh, God, I'm going to do a white frock telling you that only they have the relative information to and they're like, and it's coming. I'm like, I've been hearing this. I tell you what, the world is not going to end. A lot of people are going to die because they keep printing more people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. If the end is near, where the is it? Yeah, it's late. Like everything. Else here. Where am I reading that? We sleep through it. Like there is another comedy friend that passed away. I know whenever anyone young guys and I was like, only the good die young. And I go, What the am I still doing? Yeah. You're so good. So bad. Yeah, yeah. Anymore. It's the year of the. Are you a prepper in any way, shape or form. Do you stock. I have a pretty solid like stock of, you know, dry goods and. It's a confidence. Driver. Yeah. Too much confidence. And that will be the death of me. I, I, I because I started like I have an earthquake. slowly morphed into like a glamping kid. Do you know what I mean? Of course, because I go camping a bunch with my kids, it's sort of evolved into like, how can we make this comfortable and compact and I just I really. We can stay inside. I know. I have, like, a canopy, you know, you put over a picnic table and I was like, we got to get one with the screen around it. So now we don't have to deal with yellow jackets. And they tell you not to cook in them, but you totally can't go because who cares? Fire hazard Meyers man, Not. Worried about it. Not worried about a little bitty fire. So do you guys, like, stay overnight, like in, in, in outside with. Oh, yeah. A few times a year. I, I just love being outside. Oh, waking up outside. Oh, it's nice. Peaceful. It's the only time I wake up early is when I'm camping. See, that's the one. I think the downside of being a drunk is waking up outside. That's the one thing I don't like about it. Just the one thing I keep thinking is like, is it one of those things we like? I want to go camping and then you're kind of like, Oh, we want to go camping on. Well, you have your niece and nephew to take you to news. I'm sorry. I keep saying. Okay, well, they're too well, those are their pronouns now. Okay. You should change as fast as you change days. You got. You have to care for yourself. Yeah. I know, but I haven't really. Yeah. So that. Is scary. I just think it's scary. I was only in that like, the scary part is now part of your heart is outside of your body and you have to worry about their safety and happiness all the time. And that's scary. Like, Oh, the world is coming for you too. Well, no, I don't like all my horrible, like, cynical comedian ideas or sort of like giving them a little more than they should. Oh, I'm like, that's fine. They're they got tough attitudes. They don't expect things to be fair. They don't they understand meritocracy is fake. They don't trust authority. Man. I feel like my parents really based us on meritocracy, which is a sham. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know forever. It was like because we were in gymnastics, which we hated. No matter what, you just had to complete the academy. So, like a star on your shorts, right? Hmm. Yes, It was dog shit at every activity. We still got the star, you know? Exactly. Just did it just. Cause you showed. Up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, look at me now. I know. Spying. Oh. Oh, my God. I. If you. If you ever write on a show, you'll see that even especially comedy, like the smallest things, like a sense of humor. Don't even, you know, they're not even in a writing room. Yeah. It's just like, wow. You know, it's just if you kind of stick around and suck up you. Yeah, you'll make it. I that that is a fact about the comedy world. That blew my mind. Yeah. Me. Long time to swallow that pill. Yeah. No, of course the funniest people are. And then you're like, that is so far from the truth. And then it's, you know, because fame sort of snowballs on itself, like people that get a good break early that aren't good, they keep getting good breaks and you got all that stage time. So they're like sharp but still not good. Yeah, working from a bad piece of clay. Yeah. There's too much water in this clay. You're goopy. That's awesome. Yeah. Starting all over in itself. Yeah, Yeah. And then. Yeah, sure. And then. And those people get, paid for specials and everything, and it's mind blowing, like, don't know. I'm glad that there wasn't this, you know, glut of streaming and everything when I was starting out. My shit sucked in the beginning. Yeah, but you have to be like, ready, set, go. And like, Oh, yeah, yeah. Put out. Yeah. Like if he. Wants a full length album. And we'll put this somewhere else other than the people that suck will put this. So yeah, yeah that's and you've made a video and everything and so we, that's the world we. Can truly vouch for how funny Paul is and. You know, but I'm not like in this world where you have to be on Oh, it's so awful. You can't wait for someone to produce your album. Yeah, right. Yeah. I realize that for a long time, I kind of was waiting for like, you're hoping I got this good material. I don't want to release an album myself. I want someone to give me a special. You're like, Okay, I still want something written, even more material. And I'm not. I'm not even doing that good stuff that could have been released before. And I was like, What the am I doing with my stuff? Yeah, make a more concerted effort just to put it out so I have it. Mm hmm. Versus like, oh, every everything's an audition, and that's so shitty. Yeah. The least funny scenario. I did that. Oh, God. Funny people. And like. Oh, yeah. Showcases they come out. Some of the people that are doing the picking, they come up to you afterwards and they have such like glib, shitty ways of interacting with you. You're like, I hate you. Yeah, yeah. And I can tell that that's radiating from a no doubt feeling that. Yeah, yeah. And that's this is bad. I'm, I'm on ice right now. This is bad. Yeah. And I. I think that's my problem. I like I'm bad vibration sometimes I'm like, I don't care and I hate you for money. Well, everyone's so young too. I had this woman come up to me and she's I guess she was part of. Oh, they had it was a magazine. It was a big com. I guess it was. She was part of the Lampoon. They were going to do a TV thing a while and she came up to get and kind of really kind of almost condescend because, you know, you were good. And I was like, Who the are you? What am I getting discovered? Blow me, you know, come on. I've been doing you know, I'm probably doing this before you were born. A pat on the back. Yeah. Do you? We met. I think we meet at Blam. I think Bling. Bling. Bling. Bling bling? Yeah. At our bar in Koreatown. Yes. Because I think that was one of the first shows I did when I moved to L.A.. I think that's. I think that's actually where we met. Yeah. Did you ever do that? And James Brown. Hi. Yes. Tomorrow you've done this show several times. You're one of the funniest people on the show, too. Well, I love that show. And you know what I thought? I think that they give a they make a drink after you that night, which I love. And that to me is. Yeah. Really special. I hope we do more of those. We haven't done one in a while. Mm. It was a magical show at this weird bar that always felt like a weird pirate ship. Yeah, right. It totally. Did. And it would be like, kind of. You were actually a master at, like, first all starting a show in a loud bar that has several rooms. Yeah, We're just even socially arm bound. Yeah. And you have to interrupt that. And you were so funny. Yours is still so funny. But in that situation, it's the worst possible. I mean, how did you feel about the Joe Cole thing? Like, I thought. I mean, when you're hosting, it's the worst job. And Paul was really it. He's amazing at it. Keeps the energy. Yeah. I felt bad for him. I know that's hard. I know that it's hard, because especially that thing, you're performing for three different audiences. For the people in the room, you want to laugh, You're really performing for the executives behind you. Yeah, they need to be pleased. But then you're going to be judged by the people at home watching it. Yeah, No real bearing on whatever you're doing. Oh. Yeah, I felt bad for him, but he threw the writers on the bus so quickly. Oh, it was like, You know what? You had ten days. Yeah, I would say that's not a lot of time. Yeah, that is ten days. Yeah. You have 100 friends or comedians that you could have punch up these jokes and you agreed to tell his jokes. Yeah. Yeah, you could have said that's jokes. Not funny. Yeah. And then right there would be a different joke. Yeah, Yeah. Don't act like you're surprised by the cue cards or the monitor. You know, it's like, Oh, my God, I'm seeing this for the. Yeah, I know this. You know what I mean? Oh, did you, did it play well in rehearsal as rehearsed at this stuff? You know. I know you. Did, but I think everybody agrees the line was running through the writers under. Other than that, I remember Take it as a bomb and leave it. But the fact that you couldn't like on that. Yeah. Yeah. Smile sometimes your hands on the fire too long and you go, Oh, what am I doing? Yeah, yeah. But it's you. You just. Yeah, I did over relate to it though. Me too. I look like when I'm bombing, it's like you get that weird, like I eat spicy food. Yeah, I do. I mean, yeah. It's. Just only there. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I think people that don't really perform unless if feel like, you know, a public speaking anxiety, you don't really get the places that your body starts creating sweat. It is only unique to that situation. I had to do so. You know, Larry David said that. He said he's doing something he always wanted to do. This is he said about standup, he's doing something I always wanted to do. And it was what proves it is he's sweating at his waist. Yeah. And I had to like it was before I was going to be on camera. I'm in a weird trailer. Oh, God. It was like lower back is. Sweating. And I didn't want like that to appear. So anyway, I left my trailer. There's a trashcan full of, like, soggy paper towels. Like, what am I a problem before my sweat scarf around my waist? It's weird. And then it starts creeping up like it creates so much sweat where it's trickling down your back and you're aware of each little bit. It's always. That should be a horror, right? That should be like a ride in a haunted house or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flop sweat. Right. Imagine just like thrusting normal people into, like, a weird room or paid audience. Is there a booth just talk to themselves? Yeah. Favorite thing is, when you're performing comedy and someone really close to the stage is just elected to talk to the person. Oh, I know. And like, yeah, the same thing happened to me. Editorialist concert and I was furious. Oh yeah, that's bad. It was like that etiquette is like someone is emoting and we are all dramatized. And then there's Go-Go's. So anyway, I told Brass like, earth shattering. Yeah. Can you shut up for now? Let me. Let me enjoy. It. I was like, We are all victims and we're trying to work that out. And this is something I think I'm not good at with hosting is dealing with that because I find that I am generally, I seem very easygoing until I'm a little upset and then I seem like a really mean person. I'm like, was I being. That is because you're nice. And so the mean is a is a more of a betrayal. You mean to you or to the audience? To the audience. Oh, yeah. Oh, on for sure. Like if I did what Joe Klein did of throwing the audience and the writers on the bus, I'm sure I would not have lost every single person on the planet. Yeah, it's the niceness. And they're like, Oh, we trusted that niceness if you're already kind of an asshole. And then just more of that aren't like, Oh, we invested in you. It's I find right? It's the whole Ellen thing, right? But people were people didn't like that Ellen might be a bad person because she's so nice on TV. Yeah. She's kind of an industry too, right? Yeah. You run an empire. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is that Mark? Yeah. Yeah. We all have. You been in my studio? There's, like, oil rigs and. Yeah, really? I had no idea I've been there, but I didn't notice that. This show on the road. We do. Let's go to Montecito and throw our. Are made for Santa Barbara retirement. Queen who wears linen and just by God and be in Santa Barbara. And you and your sweaty linen performance. There's this restaurant I think is called Roy's, where it's like this little simple whatever. And like, Farmer, that menu was, like, handwritten in Sharpie. And then, like, you're eating, it's delicious. And then, Oh, man. And I was like, Hey, thank you for coming in. And he's doing the dishes, and it's. Roy Oh, that's sweet. I want oh, I don't want to be a dishwasher, but like, I want to. They also have a painting of Bill Clinton and Gennifer Flowers with her kids out. It's amazing. Wow. Jennifer with the G. Wow. I got to see this painting. Roy. It's a painting of a man. You know, my photo with Bill at the side. Grab it with my tits in. MM No. Yeah. HRC Okay, It was an HRC benefit and I was as the photo of me and. Won't actually we're not allowed to say on the podcast. Oh no, it was me. It was me, Bill Clinton and Kevin Spacey. And this is before and I Kevin Spacey, I think was such a good actor. And also I thought he was really sexy and whatever and classic being attracted to a gay guy, you know, so but yeah I've got you well well sending. Predators. But it's so funny, like, here's my waste. I know that it's far down because I'm tall and his hands are like Bill Clinton's fingers are like, right next to my boobs somehow on the side. There's photo. Yeah, I have to see this. Okay. Okay. I'm going to show you. Before you go, more T-shirts. We need the next episode. We should. Oh, I know. it's funny because Kevin Spacey is looking at another friend of ours, Carrie, who's a really good writer, K.R. Carrie Linzer. And and he's looking at her. I'm looking at him. And Bill's just like you know, I don't know, like, looking straight ahead, like, and like, anything is a, you know, a moment for press. I don't know, right? But it's is funny. I might he would sweep through Austin every once in a while. Bill Clinton and just people would be charmed. Oh, sure. Yeah. Everyone I've met my friend, there's like pictures of all these with them. I think it's when you have, like, an accent, like Paula Deen people, right? Yeah. Drip in. The drip. And even though they, like, hang people with dark skinned people, I know. That's their law. Where are you from? You're from Fontana. From Fontana? Yeah. What do you do? You not listen to this podcast? I won't, because we're talking about me. Move. I was a middle school and it was. People were busy putting cult. I know, I know. Background checking. I have. I moved in? Yeah. You look great. Okay. It's going to sink in anyway. Well edited. Out. What you did grew up in or you were around the school. Yeah, we moved there when I was in middle school, and it was Town Hall. Bellingham, Washington. It's 20 minutes from the border. It's far west. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Okay, Look at that. I don't care. Yeah. See, that's Carrie Lizer. Who he's pretending that he's in love with, like he's still straight. And that's my friend Peter, who is an interior designer, and that's me. And. Oh, I'm looking at her, too. Yeah. No one's looking at you. Looks drunk. Yeah. Yeah, at the Han. See? There they. Are. It's like, look, they're really great. Well, it's a little bit above my head. It's not quite, but that. Way. Yeah. Yeah. What a wonderful picture. I think I've seen a tighter shot of it. Maybe I didn't see the expanded with everybody. Mm. It is. This is like a renaissance painting. Yeah. You know, I'm going to paint that myself playing poker. And there's this. Yeah, I'm a paint it. Was it you, were you charmed by Bill Clinton? No, I. Kevin Spacey. I just thought I want to talk to him. You know, I had just seen the movie version of Glengarry Glen Ross and thought, Damn, he's sexy and cool. I just watched Heartburn the other night. Oh, yeah. With it's Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson and and he has a small cameo in it. Oh, he's like a he robs he robs Meryl Streep at one point. It's like bleached hair and, like, got like a denim vest. I think I was like, Kevin Spacey. Cool, cool. Love for you, right? Yeah. Are you how did you get into comedy? Were you like, actor sketch or. Oh. I was always doing voices and jokes since I was a kid. Oh. Small kid. I remember telling jokes and getting laughs and being like, This is what I. And yeah, I did like sketches. And then when I was in high school, my high school had a sketch comedy show. Wow. Show through The A.V. Club. And I got into it as a senior and I was like, you know, we put out a new show every week, Thursday night. We're up to like two in the morning editing off of, like, VHS tapes. Wow, I just loved it. I just thought, This is the most fun you could possibly have. Most of the stuff you so unoriginal, some of it offensive. We got in trouble a lot and it was just like, Oh my God, this. Is the nineties. So did the other students go on Thursdays to see you said every Thursday you're putting it together so that next morning you. It was called Friday morning Live. Wow. I'll show it. Yeah. The show on the closed circuit. Oh so it was a while that, you know, when I started in the schools like the seniors that were on that was famous at the school because they were on the school's TV show. Wow, That's amazing. It was. I was. Every high school should have something like this. It's inviting so much work. Yeah. And it just sort of it definitely gave me the confidence to feel like I know what I'm doing. Even though. Yeah. So everywhere I went, I was like, I've done stuff like this before. When? Moment when I realized you could connect to VCR together and edit a video that was and if you could get the stereo audio in there too. Yes, like nineties Daniel was. You still really and it well, like you really always do cool stuff. Yeah I it's it's people there's adult coloring books and then there's editing. Yeah right both are phenomenal waste of time that benefits somebody else. Well they're meditative They're frustrating. Yeah. Ever ends. But did you when did you move to L.A. or did you. Move to L.A. Right after college. In college, I did this. I did the same thing. They started another they were starting a on the local access channel, a late night show. And I was like, Oh, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. And um, and that was when I first started writing jokes, uh, because there was a monologue thing. So I was like, Oh, cool, I'm going to learn how to write jokes. And my this kid, Kenny, he had done standup before. He was like, Oh, well, she, well, she, she was also Dennis Miller, so. Oh, man. Oh, that I wrote I wrote for Dennis Miller before he became Republican for six months. I was like, Oh, that. And, well, we all here's what we did. We are the writers. We handed in our stuff without our names on it as if it wasn't going to, you know, like like no one would get hurt, you know, that way. But then I remember he went, Oh, this is where this must be. Kightlinger Yeah. And it was he guessed what was mine every single time, so it didn't make any difference. So what? How am I going now? It's funny, but what am I going to do? How's that going to work? And I'm like,“ahhh”You know, he was. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how we got. By getting there, but yeah, that's nice. So I started writing like 30 monologue jokes every week. Oh, wow. Start writing. Just because you said you were a news kid. Yeah, I love the news. Do you live there? I. I don't watch this anymore. I just read it. But when I was a kid. Eyewitness News? Yes. Yeah. And then, you know, there were I was on my grandma's house and just like baby Jessica knew. Well, yeah. Oh, I think that's why you love disasters is because the nineties, it was this weird. Like people have camcorders and television and it was in America's Funniest Home Videos. It was like tornadoes. Mm mm. baby. Jessica Oh, and it was just so exciting. It was real and it was actually happening and I loved it. I was so. Baby Jessica scared the shit out of me. And when I do and, you know, I was thinking like, it must have been like it was the fireman or whoever. The fireman who saved her, I think was it was such a, you know, endorphin rush and such a proud moment for him and such a great feeling that he couldn't top it and he wound up killing himself. Yeah. But, um, I think how he throws up now. I would. I don't know, but I mean, it just like. Like, wow. Oh, my God. I had a feeling. Well, yeah, You Okay, we were talking earlier that, like at the 812 ish. Oh, yeah. I'm like, there's like, you become fixated on a few things, is what you said. Yeah. And then you ask me what, Like, it's usually a celebrity or. Yeah. Mm. Didn't get it. They ask you what was yours or did that happen to you. It did, yes. For me it was Jim Carrey and Kurt Cobain. Loved. I loved Jim Carrey. Mm. And what about after he left the drugs out? What, what, what about after he riddled his that his young girlfriend with STDs and then left his drugs out for her to kill herself? Yeah, You know. That that turned you a little. That did? Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah, you're right. You're right. And I'm awful that way. I can't, you know, separate the artist from. I can't quit who he's killed. I can't either. But it does make you really have to reconcile some of this stuff of, like. Yes, horrible monster. Did It fully shaped my sensibility and like, comedy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, it's true. Pistol whipping a few women is what it took to make American classic music Phil Spector again, because that I know timeless music sounds. You know, I, I think I felt that way about Peter Sellers. Like I remember seeing one of the, one of the Pink Panthers and crying, laughing just he was like tripping on. He was like, rolling around, like just falling over fruit at a door. And I was crying about that. Oh. Oh. I guess he was pretty shitty to his wives and weird, you know? Yeah, I know, I know. All right, There's a huge spectrum of being should in your life. Yeah, like now. Like. Okay. All right. I was he. Was he verbally abusive or was he too demanding or was he name called out in public? Hard to plead like. Yeah. Was the weapon aimed at her or. Yeah. Yeah. brandIShed the gun. Was it was it you know, it's you really go, all right. I'm just I'm just trying to triangulate these details and see how bad they are. Yeah, I think it was just like simple unfaithfulness. Like, as he got more and more famous, he just would get date, whatever. Start going out with whatever news. Starlet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daniel Eliza, for Christ's sake. I But okay, I did not like Jim Carrey, but I didn't get him at the time because on in Living Color he was the awkward one. Yeah, but I liked that thought if. I didn't get it at the time, he. Played so big and I still, I still have a problem playing too big. I still like my eyes, get goofy and I can be too, too far into the wacky zone. Sure. And I just love that he did it so unabashedly. But I didn't care. Yeah. Like, especially because you remember the era, especially before Austin Powers, where Pet Detective Ace Ventura. Yeah, Yeah. Fucking saturated the lexicon. There wasn't one out of the horse. I really do not go in. There. You're. Ever cash for because that was loaded with them. I even remember, like, must have been early 2000 Kevin James for his first Comedy Central special. And he's dropping all right events? No, just like, oh, this is just the way I speak. And even that could make him play. No God on, you know, that I was thinking about is that the funniest person that, you know, in your own life is still much funnier than someone who's famous, because famous people are not that original, famous comedians. Anyway. They were pretty bland in average, most of them now. I mean. Well, I mean, I will say this. I mean, Kevin James is awful. Porsche has stunning wigs and he's Austin is the funniest person I read. So great. I went and I had long hair. I was like buying wig, I remember. And I was like, I really fabulous hair. So if I'm going to cover it up, by the way, it has to be an even more fabulous wig in Portugal. Okay. She'd go in her chair and she was playing with my hair and just put it wig with wig and playing all these kind of, like, laugh things. And she's just come out. You just you remind me and my friend Andrew, you just told she said that 100 times. And by the 100th time you realize it was like your friend Andrew died of AIDS and a flamboyant gay white man who's. Mm. And I was right. Uh huh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know. That's how I think. That's how it goes. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. You think no one's original because they're influenced by something? I don't know. I mean, I think the people, the multimillionaires, anyway, in comedy are they're. They're not very genuine. And so to me, I think they're not that funny. Yeah. I think that you end up on this terrible runway of trying to develop material where you're like still trying to validate your celebrity. Your celebrity is being validated by a pre-approval. So they're laughing at stuff that is bland. Yeah. And sometimes it's I've got no problem with you having jokes written for them, but like, there's no soul to it. Yeah, it's just like, this sucks pop music in the worst way. Just I find myself, I really, I really get a reaction to it, I feel like I like as an audience member collectively, there's a real if you're not authentic, they can sniff it out. Mm hmm. Another form of betrayal where they're like, I can't believe you think we believe this, but I feel that. I hope so. Yeah, well, I don't know, because there's no What is it? There's no Supernanny or Phil Schiller says every audience has a different IQ. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, every audience has a different IQ. Stupid audience is a different IQ. And they said the ones with a high IQ is like us. Yeah, And no one. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, we're highbrow. Yeah. I want an audience of the high emotional, high IQ. High emotional. It's nice. Yeah. I'm not really worried about it. I just want you to feel it. Yeah. That's why you like. Yeah. And he likes earthquakes. Who were like, Who were you looking up to? We were. Jim Carrey said. I love Jim Carrey. Met him, you know. Are there people you've met that you're like, I can't believe I get to meet these people. Um, it's okay to say me. Right? Oh, well, I really loved I did really love your special Hong Kong. Oh, it's an old one God almighty. I got to. I'm trying like, Oh, thank you. I'm dying to do something new. Well, everybody is. Everybody wants to do a special, but, you know. Thank you. I wanted to get back to you. Recording. We never talked about your album. Oh, yeah? Can we. Can we get into it? I recorded it like a year and a half ago up in Humboldt County at the Savage Anthony Comedy Club. Oh, my buddies. I love those guys. It's like the Muppet Theater up there. Cool. Weird. And I've been I've been going out there performing them since before they had a club choral reads from there. So we would go up and we put on these shows like once a year, and then they were like, We're going to start doing a comedy festival. Fantastic. We're opening a club. And I was in the club. The club where they open it is actually the first venue in that town I performed in. It used to be a rock club that was a Juggalo social club. Oh, you different show. Yes. You performed at a Juggalo. That one actually, we went there. We were there. There was like six of us. And then they were all there. They were like Surly Juggalos, which is rare. It's usually a very. Joyful during a Juggalo, you. Know. Insane Clown Posse. Oh, that's what I thought. I mean, I thought of them, but I thought it didn't know that. I didn't know that because I think of them as, you know, like being in punk, like mostly, yeah. It's sort of like, I don't know, it's. You know, they're, they're, they're like, like parrot heads for their bags. Oh, okay. The actual people are an integral part of your wrath. Anyway. Any club that makes you wear a face paint, they all look like kids. Tried to put their makeup on after they had a stroke. Yeah, but I think most of them are sober. They don't like, you know, they're. Their fans are all just getting Do this. We're running a business here. We have a energy drink. I'm serious. Business. I like to ask you this. You had this. I think if I'm ever invited back to a family holiday, I'm just going to show up as a Juggalo, Not say a no. Just like everyone needs a community. Absolutely. It's funny. That was a attitude. He was just like a really lovely kid and he was diehard about the Juggalos wow, the community that he felt there. And I was like, Man, I got to tell you, that's funny. They make you wear a costume. Yeah, it's a cult. That's one of the things I joke about on this album is how I, I, I like Hawaiian shirts. You see, the joke is this. I'll tell you a joke. I go to a place, there's a guy wearing Hawaiian shirt. Oh, fungi. There's two guys in white shirt. Oh, fun brothers, Hawaiian shirts. Let's get the out. Yeah, well, that's good. That's really funny. You see the whole group? Yeah. I worked at a, oh, the same restaurant where the swingers slash group credit advisors were. There was this couple. They would come in every every Friday, man woman couple, and they, they call them freak and frack they dress the exact same. And it was Hawaiian. Yeah. Man. Woman couple that have been married for years. They had them like custom fit or whatever. So it's not pineapple, which means we swing. Right. By nipples. That's new. And that's a few years ago I felt it was really popular on social media. I would, oh, I feel like I should be abreast of all the kink. Yeah, well, I know that people, when they're like, I've seen people go camping and, like, have a pineapple centerpiece for their sort of picnic. Oh. Oh. Like, and let them let the other people in the campsite. No, sit. I'm not down to clown. You know, you don't. You're not even aware of the kink at this table. I've got a razor blade between my toes. I'm bleeding out onto Paul and we're all really we're both really excited about. I have a boyfriend. Okay, Say now you're into it. Ever since you brought that Bill Clinton photo in here, everyone got real kinky. Oh, I know. Oh, I'm just. Turn it over. Let's just turn it over and not look at it. A better view of the story. It can't hurt during the show. I look at that. It's one of my many fake smiles. I can't even look at it anymore. I'm with the. Very tastefully framed. Oh, you know, Peter, my friend, who's the designer who's in this photo, He did it. He I think he framed and gave it to me. Oh, yeah. And you have to. Mark. But now, Paul, I. I want to know, where do you usually perform? Like if people want to go and see. Yeah, I usually perform. And on the east side you say I got anything that's not actual venue. That's generally where you'll find me at a comedy club. Because everything changed in L.A. after pandemic. Like all those East Side, all shows. It's it's really I mean, there isn't like a strong for the alternative comedy scene anymore, but that's kind of my perception of that is it really created a clear line and the demographic of like we were doing this all before or adults now is put the time into this. Now. We all took three years off. I in about one year through that young people who are like, I don't give a if I get sick. Yeah, we're starting a show now. They've been running shows for two years and I was like, You got to get on. The show is a hot show because it's not a hot show. It's just the only shows happening. Yeah. just creates this, like, big fear of like, I'm old. There's young people doing it. They don't know who I am. And I'm like, Babe, they never did and they never. When I hear that attitude, I'm like, What? Why did you start? Yeah. Did someone ask you to? And you'd become a We're doing this for our own reasons. Yeah, because you were already accepted. Like, what do you think you are? You always have to prove yourself. Yeah. To keep being funny. Yeah. Kevin Hart. And then. Yeah, you can just do commercials and people will say you're a genius. Yeah. A spokesman. Good looking commercials around here. That's what I want. I want to do commercials. Pay me. Yeah. Yeah, it is. With that bit of Marie Osmond. Have you seen her? No. She's in, like, five wellness commercials. Everything from, like, medicine all over. Meanwhile, the bitch has to put in her teeth and put on a wig, tell you how well she's doing. Me? I'm great. Zenbook two down to this, and it's like. And you know what I mean? When, like, she's so lit that all you can see are the eyeballs. You really like the lighting? Spooky. That's what I want. Where's it then? Were you talking before about Slim-Fast? Like somebody actually went to the house of a famous person who was, you know, promoting SlimFast and they opened the closet door and it's all slip cans of Slim-Fast like that? No, but stars don't actually, you know. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. You just take the money. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, isn't that funny? Like, I guess, like, for a second, you think, Well, maybe that worked. I guess if they're trying it or if they're endorsing it, they must have to try it, But they don't. That was and I remember thought Tommy Lasorda, huh? He was a spokesperson for as a kid, like the guy that was throwing first base at umpires is now pitching this diet drink. And it was just that was so funny to me. Yeah. Like stuck in my brain. Well, that's funny. Have you ever been you know, that store Tuesday morning? Oh, you know, it's sort. No, it's like it's like a craft. Maybe like a Hobby Lobby. Oh. Maybe not street craft. There's more to say where you don't know. Ancient. The last movie she ever made, Lauren Bacall, was the Tuesday morning commercial. No, no, no. That's amazing. I don't know. Hollywood, Lauren Bacall, those come Tuesday morning. Well, that's a deal every day. Holy shit. Now I've got to find that. I have to At what was her nickname for Spencer Tracy, what she call in split. Oh, that was Katharine Hepburn. Mm hmm. Who is Bogie? Wasn't she with. That guy Lauren Bacall was with Bogart. No, that's okay. That's okay. The allure. Lauren Bacall married Humphrey Bogart when she was very young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back and Bogie to Hawkins Tuesday morning. It happens. I want that. The time comes for all of us. I watched the movie. I told you. Did you watch it? No, no, I was going to. And then I think we got hung up on some sci fi thing from the sixties or something. Yeah. Movies. I do. Yeah. Like the. Have you seen that Jack Benny movie? Gotta be enough to be with Carole Lombard. No, I'm not. It's I think it's still it's. I think World War Two in real life is still happening. Oh yes. But it might be the course of course in my girl but they're full on like Hitler. Joe. Wow. Yes. The Germans. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I miss. People have a sense of humor about the horrible people in the world. Like, Oh, it's over. Yeah, Very funny being such babies. I know. Because we live in Cold War. I know that I found and I watch stage fright the other night, and I noticed that I had it. No, no. No backing. It actually doesn't have to do with that. Believe it or not, it's about a murder that happens around a theater thing. But it's not about being afraid to go on I realized that Marlene Dietrich had my theme song, which is I'm a lazy woman. And it was supposed to be it was supposed to be sexy. Like, I know I could do it. You know I could do it, but I'm not going to do it. Malaysia WA at a yes. Yeah, I'm overdoing it and doing it too loud. But it was so funny. I am a lazy woman. That's me all the way. But she made it look sexy. She was in a negligee, so. Lazy when she said. Yeah, and she was on like a, you know, a fainting couch on stage. I'm lazy and I and I think that's what I don't know if it was the songs in high anxiety that my favorite actress name. I'm blanking on her name now. Julia Roberts. No, no. Who did? No, No. In High Anxiety. Madeline. Jeez. Yes. I think that was one of the things, you know. Yeah. Madeline Kahn saying, I'm so tired, tired of playing the game. I think that was based on her Marlene Dietrich singing that song and stage fright. I don't know. In the nineties when we had a P.C. and I discovered you could like, you could add a sound effect to a function. So like when when a group would like, do you want to say this document come up and I made it the Mars attacks Alien. If. You remember, if you like on the internet, sometimes everyone's like, shut your night down. But like you perform an illegal function, like cancel or whatever. So when that came up, it was Madeline Kahn from mixed nuts when she's still stuck in the elevator and everyone forgot about her. And you go and she goes, Hey, I'm gonna go right here. So all I hear from there was, Hey, hey, hey, hey. Check it out. My dad. Oh, that's amazing. I love her. I rely on your innate closet in this to maybe get you out of trouble. Well, I asked Garrett to do my ringtone on from I think it was called the Hollywood Suite, and it was. Oh, damn. It was the woman. I'm sorry, Maggie Smith. Is that my subconscious talking? You're the loudest. I get. Okay, So. So in Hollywood suites, whatever Maggie Maggie says says to to Michael Caine, who won the thing. And he he went to award show that she didn't go to, but she was in a room waiting, you know, And he kept saying, well, I don't know, remember? And she goes, Who won, asshole? So my ringtone is Asshole. Oh, yeah, asshole. Yeah. Garrett, can you put that in. Yes, as well. And I've got. A show. Now. I forgot about that. And I was in a meeting with a bunch of exacts and whatever on a show that I worked on recently, and I said. Oh, I have to take this. Excuse me. That's my agent. Oh, God. Who do you like? Do you ever think you're going to live in New York to do standup or was like L.A. always the place? yeah, L.A. was always like home. It always felt like I was going back home. it just made sense. I kind of thought it sounded romantic to move to New York, but it was like it was going to take too much learning, too much of a learning curve for this lazy boy right here. So I was I moved down here and I was like, Well, I'm glad I didn't go to Chicago. My grandma talked me out of moving to Chicago after college or from Chicago, and she was like, the last time I was in Chicago, I fell down on a train on a train platform because of the ice. I have never looked back and I was like, okay, Chicago. Plus, you fell in love out here, correct? Didn't you meet your wife out here? We met in high school. Oh, you did? High school, sweetheart. Uh, actually find love. Well, he you know, we she is also a California native, and we met in Washington, and we sort of our way of living up there. Oh, strange. Bellingham back back then also was so weird when we moved. I was a new kid. I grew up on the news, and then up there, Bellingham is closer to Vancouver than Seattle. Oh. So we would get our radio and our TV from Canada. Mm hmm. So it's like living down like the Southland. You know, I'm. I'm just raised on L.A. culture and just Southern California, everything. And then we moved and I was like, What word are they saying? What is a buffalo know? It's buffalo. I was like, Why are they saying it? Buffalo bags. Bags. Like, I don't think there was all this friction in my head. I mean, I can understand their inner turmoil. Yeah, I hear it. And and the music on Canadian radio is. Like what. Their they have like whatever this deal where they have to play X amount of like a percentage of the artists have to be Canadian. Oh you get introduced to weird pop stuff that never even makes it to America. Oh, hated Nickelback for years. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know. Oh, there's. What's it about. Yeah, what's it about? Yeah. What's it about? What's it about? We. Oh, I think. I'm sorry. I was thinking of Canadian. I have no idea. But Nickelback is the thing. Oh, no, Nickelback is okay. I guess Nickelback is Canadian. They have like, the people from, like, at least my generation like that I've met that are Canadian worship. Alanis Morissette. Like, she's such a like goddess there in a way that's Celine Dion is not strange, right? Yeah, but people really like fall down for her. She killed though. I mean, that that album was so good. Yeah, that's. It was all hits. It was like, relatively angsty. I was like, Am I this woman? I loved it. Oh, yeah. I thought it was amazing. Well, my best friend in high school, Brian, he also loved Alanis Morissette. Who were they like? Interviewed him for the school. They were like, What are you listening to right now? He's like Alanis Morissette. And and I really like what he's like. And I was like, Are you gonna argue that Alanis Morissette is an amazing. Crazy I remember my friend was dating this guy who would only listen to Genesis. Yes. And I and I thought, you know, God, I guess I like it, too, but I've got to be stoned to listen to it. This is good. Yeah. Amazing. So you asked how old you are that that's Maggie Smith. But that. Yeah, that was going on. And I was like, looking sincere and exact, taking notes, you asshole, you asshole. Let me get that, you know? And then I start laughing and saying, It's Maggie Smith. Whatever. Nobody. Do you know how you relate? Who? Maggie Smith. I'm a sister act. Otherwise nobody knows me like you probably do. But sister act. Yeah, that bitch isn't. She's the nun. Oh, that's British with the eyes of the. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think of her more like from, like, Downton Abbey. No, I don't know. Yeah, Yeah, right. Yeah. I didn't watch that show. Yeah. I watch it for a little bit. And then I was like, I had a, I had a cold, I quit cold turkey. And I think that was like watching. Well, how about, you know what? You know, this guy died. It is in his brand new automobile. You know what? Awesome. Yeah. Okay. Were you. Did you like hook, line and sinker? So when the Ocean Gate thing happened, like, speaking of loving disasters, in loving when rich people. They love it. Right? So it broke. I was at it was like Sunday night, right? I was telling my boyfriend and I was reading the news and I love the news kind of on the East Coast. Happens later because you're like, oh, tomorrow is going to be great news. And actually they're like, missing sub. Yeah. Oh shit. I thought, that's a disaster. I was like, Oh, guess what? It's missing for a reason. Yeah, they're dead. You guys. You guys don't get it. I don't understand why they're. I think they just kept telling people they were alive to honor the news cycle. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Purposely done to keep the story relevant, even though all the experts are like, Oh. They're gone. They're so. I am. I was just put on a jacket the other day that had an old setlist in it. I always throw myself on scraps of paper and I found my joke about going down that's here. And I was like, A lot of people are wondering, Can you joke about this submersible exploding? Let me tell you, if you die in a way, if you the way you die is portrayed in a ride at Disneyland, it is funny submarine that's on a hidden temple. Hilarious. Oh, you died on a snowy mountain. Yep. Also good Amazon. Yes. That's funny. It's. It's a funny way to die. You can make. Bombs. Have you been. Because rich people are involved? Yes. Yeah. I wish you were going down. That's fine. Yeah. Like, I don't believe that story about the Astors or whoever on the Titanic where they just sat on deck chairs and went down with dignity. I was like, they wrote. I would be screaming about how much money I was losing. Oh, sure. Yeah. Span Yeah, I can't imagine dying. Rich, but yeah, but also if there. With money in the. Bank, if they've been pampered their whole lives and they're not going to like throw someone in front of them that's poor. Oh there was a poor person who had to like fan them on the way that. Yeah sure. Yeah. They paid or worse was good. Honey, I'm. Here. Do you mind dying so I can ride your back? Get back into town, Let your dead corpse. Do you like that? I love the ride. The tram ride at Universal. It's the best with the earthquake part and all that shit. Yeah. Now, are your kids Do kids still like to go on rides? Are they. Have they grown out of the ten and 12? They said no, no, they like it. Yeah, they have fun with it. Now. They're they like the more exciting rides, which is good. Hmm. I'm hoping there's that window of time where I can still love roller coasters before the I lose inner ear fluid and can maintain my equilibrium Equilibrium. But for now, it's still good. Yeah. Paul, we love you. Where can we see you? Plug. Plug? Yes, while you can. Now you can listen to my new album on Spotify. You can buy it. Yeah, I this is maybe the dumbest thing I've ever done. I recorded two songs that are on this album, Awesome video. There's a video of It's really good. Mm hmm. I the reason I did the song was the Cut the Club where I recorded my album the previous. I've been there, I live there, stage on fire. Oh, I was just I was just like, kind of up, having too much fun and their their background is Redwood Park, and I had been in the redwoods earlier that day talking to a Ranger and they said, Redwood bark is impervious to fire. And I was like, Hey, do you think this shit is real bullshit? I think, let's find out I cause I have a lighter my pocket, I light it and it just. Was. I'm just putting it all out the place, smell like smoke the rest of the night. And I was like, I that that was almost the dumbest thing I've ever done. Yeah, that could have gone really bad. What's that been? Great. Why? Yeah. Great line. Yeah, almost great. Why? I only see. Whitesnake. I do too. I think I know everybody. So that's why I was sitting here like this the whole time. So I was like, It's a great way to Whitesnake. Did you get the did you get it out with just your shirt? How did you get it out. With my hands? Oh, my God. Confident. Yeah. Oh, are with all that confidence. You're a man's man. It was. It was a surreal moment. It was a every performer has those moments. You're like, Oh, I'm kind of like watching myself. Yeah, but when you're like, I'm watching myself. And what the was I thinking? I don't think that was the right thing to do. So when I went back and recorded it and I said, I like my album, I talked about it and I, you know, I apologized and I wouldn't be funny if that wasn't a good enough apology. I'm gonna write a song and I'm not like a general, not generally a songwriter, but I was like, I'm gonna do it. So I did it and I'm friends with these guys that are all a bunch of studio musicians. And I was like, Hey, can we can we do this? And they're like, Absolutely fantastic. And it's not. It's funny working with professionals. They take a simple idea and make it sound really good. But the video, you're like on a motorcycle, are you. Not? A What are you? It's very looks like very eighties. So all the proceeds go to the club. Hell no. To the rebuilding of the club. I love that. That will it will link it to so we can hear your song. Yeah you know I shot it at this this this production studio where I know the guys I met them over the pandemic and I was like, Hey, can I light a piano on fire? The studio? And they're like, Yeah, that's a great idea. And I was like, Okay, cool. Bunch of cowboys. I love this attitude of a person of like, Let's light the fire and see what happens. We'll do it in a way that feels safe. Yeah, this is a controlled burn and oh, my God, this piano burned. Wow. We cooked this thing. So did you. Play it as it burned. At the very beginning. And then it was like, you know, it wasn't a fire. So we had to add more accelerant. Sure. And then when we had to put it out, it was like, okay, this thing's burning too far. It's like burning out through the back of it. It was like, super hot. All right, let's let's put this out. Just use a fire extinguisher. And it went out and then just immediately reignite it. And I was like, Oh, fuck, So not impervious. Yeah. Oh, no, no. But Noah, who works there, a friend of mine, and he had like a whole trashcan filled with water. We did that. Didn't put it on. Yeah. There's this big like it's like a cast iron player. Yeah. It's through the back. Yeah. Yeah. Which I never really know. Like a grand piano goes like this. An upright. Is that turned like that. Yeah. So it's the full frame of the. And it was so hot like I can't imagine what temperature it got to but it. Oh I really, I never thought of Paul as an arsonist did you know. But I love it. Are you kidding? Look at this. Okay. Gas. Oh, wow. Right. Maybe I am. Or I think I'm not. I'm not observant. Yeah, There's my first album. I'm sitting on a motorcycle. Okay, that's the album cover. Thank you. Not my motorcycle. So we're Paul working. Working people get who are who are big fans of yours. And it's a special thing. Records put it out. So there's a seven inch of the two songs that are on it. And and actually, if you buy the seven inch, you get the the rest of stand up album digital download for free. Awesome. I love. It. Keeps me with that razor. I love I love a special thing records that they're they're just great. To sing Yeah really put out you know they put on people that wouldn't get put out. Yeah. You know, not to say that I wouldn't. I mean. You're always. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, the creative people put out. Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh yeah. No. We love you so. And Paul, so are your dates like on Instagram and all that stuff like where you be performing and all that stuff. Yeah, I will be. My calendar is looking light right now. You know, I'm, I'm the kind of guy that is not that driven to me, but. Me to. Like, oh, I'm sorry. I love it. I love performing on the road, but I, I don't like, spend much time alone. It's sort of like there's a lot of factors that don't motivate me. Sure, I really try to do it. I used to say, like when I well, the short time I was on the road when I had to do morning radio, that's when I talked people out of coming for the show that night and an and myself like, it. You know what? I just I just did a radio thing for the album coming out and it was the I was in San Francisco and I was like, I don't you don't know me. And yet you're like, I don't like people sharing. Like, Oh, let me ask you about yourself. Like what? What are you. Yeah, I don't like the idea of, like, creating your brand and having, uh, things that they, they ask you about. It just seems so contrived. Yeah. I'll tell you what. If if you're motivated to find a comedian from an interaction like this, I'm not the comedian. For you to find a person that likes comedy but hates comedians. Then come to my show. Do you loathe Friday night culture, Date night going out, black polo shirt drinks, come to my show. I love getting drunk and going to a comedy club. I'm sorry. I'm probably You're probably not going to like me. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Who goes to comedy clubs? I yeah, Every time I perform on one, I'm like, How did you get here? I brought you here. Thank you for paying my bills. But what. I. What are you from? That is. That's how I feel. Yeah. Every the one that was the funniest to me recently is the Levity Live in Oxnard? Mm hmm. Have you been to this? Oh, yeah. Where? It's like a large outdoor mall. Oh, wow. I've ever, ever seen where you need a map to figure out where, what is, why, and all the little things. It's so quaint yak. And there's, like, two large barbecue restaurants, like, right for each other. And I start by saying, like, do you guys have a hard time picking which barbecue restaurant you go? You guys have like, a lot, Do you think a lot. Like, do they hate each other? And they were like, Who's this asshole? You guys don't consider the restaurants? All right, shout out to. Do you notice a tolerance to the times where it's warmer? But you ran a show called Freak Show Go, which she somehow got the show at the Oxnard livery, like, Yeah, they're in Provo or whatever. And literally there's some comedy, but the rest of it is someone who just like, hammered a bunch of nails in their nose. Oh my God. I'm in. And it's like, And please welcome comedy. Daniel where? Oh, Jesus. Literally just like, hardwired their face. Well, I always think, like, why do we need approval? Like, you know, of an audience if we were to take it apart, would you want those same people? Would you talk to those people at a party? No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't want to sit next to that person at a party. Literally for a wedding when you're trying to, like, get the guests down, guest list down. And it's like think of it as spending like $150 on each person. Would you take that person out to dinner? Oh. That. I wouldn't take a It's going to be a very private, intimate, right? I don't even want to take out my husband for 150 bucks. Order and. Is. On. We're in love. And you. You know, I'm like, I don't know what is. What is the collection of, like, your audience? What is that? Even who are who are these people? You don't get to pick your audience, I think. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's twisted. Yeah. You got to dance with them that brung you. Do I? Paul? What is your Instagram again? Because we have to sign off. It's out. Paul Danke on everything. Just@pauldanke And if you don't know how to spell Paul, you're not worth it. Then, babe, we're not meant to be like. Yay! They go out. Thanks, you guys. All right. Thanks.