"About as fem as it gets" with Audrey Stewart

We sit down with limitlessly funny comedian, writer and actress Audrey Stewart to discuss Audrey's uncanny ability to interact with a rowdy crowd, when your family shows up to watch your set, hot yoga and weed, dying while listening to Skrillex, Kaboodles, straight relationships, the gay spectrum, improv to stand up, WeHo Halloween, psycho Aspen volunteer firefighter and just making out instead of hitting each other.

TikTok:
@audreystewisart
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@audreystewisart
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@audreystewisart

WWTWH YouTube Channel

Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:09

What's funny is we have only just recently started being on camera, and I feel like I've never dressed down more. I have. But now. Yeah, yeah. Jammies. See what I wear all the time. No, it's a good color for you. It does. Um, Hi, everybody. Hi. Welcome to what we're gonna have to get. I'm Laura kightlinger. And I'm Daniel. Well, we're here with. All right. A very funny guy. I'm so excited that you're here. Um, you're Jeff. Our new face. Yeah. Your podcast is No Pill Friday. Yes. I love that title. But also just follow them on all the Instagrams and Tik Tok because you are kind of unlimited like limitlessly. Funny. Please welcome. Yay, Audrey, happy you're here. This excited. But I mean that because we did a show like drop comedy. Um, what was it call on Sarcophagus like? It was like Gay Wednesday. Yes, I'm gay, something like that. But you. I love watching you perform because you do two things. You're a comedian, you're a writer. You come up, you show up with jokes, but then you fully interact with the crowd and do something more organic than just crowd work. Yeah, you ask actual questions it's not just like, What's your name? Yeah, reason and a source behind it, but you really so the room together? Yeah, I think is the real talent. And I really loved I looked up some of your stuff and I the thing about being tall but wearing heels that make you taller. And I do that too, because I only work with short Jews. All guys. That's all I work with is men who are short guys. You know. I. I forced cowboy boots down everywhere. I wore jeans on stage, which is like sacrilege. You may as well wear shorts, but the heel on that boot. I realized what that does. Oh, yeah, I really do. Where I'm silly. So. Yeah, I fucking jacked it up a little bit more. Really? Yeah. So what I used to, what I started to get up to, I did the, you know, the pretty funny women. Yeah. I, that's where I started. Oh. Woman workshop. And it was she the one thing you didn't like you she made you wear dresses. Oh, no. I made you and I wore heels. And I remember trying to run around the stage doing pit heels. I was like, I had never said. Yeah, at all. Drag queen, All that drag queen taught me. You have to look back when you're in heels. You have to remember. That it's. Real. Do you know that? No, I. I just blame everything on having a high arch. It's just easier. It's always a competition, but. It really is. I'm. I look good in everything I'm doing, and I know. But, you know, because I live life comedy, like, I love being in. Front of an audience. And you're a crush to like you crush that show. The you I was I was shaking in my boots because it was a good show and you're just naturally funny. And I always feel like when I'm with someone who can like, work an audience as well as you do, but do you like, you know, being on the road and that kind of thing? Yeah. So I like it. For me, it's like here it's I you're just hustling and doing so many local shows and you're losing money or you're making money. It's such a Yeah, we're all in it. It's a never ending loop. But when you go on the road, it feels like the work you've been doing here. Yeah. Is actually like making you a stronger comic. And sometimes, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In showcase. Yeah. And I love it. Like, I'm so grateful for my spot at the Comedy Store and the Improv. Like, I love those places so much. Yeah, but when you're on the road, you really see what you learn from those places and like it really like, Oh, I can reach whatever audience I want because I've been trying to hide in the crowd were things I knew were. Totally. But I like relying on that a lot. So that's been a hard lesson. MM Won't talk to you or not is like interactive. Mhm. Like I did a show in Chicago and it was like for a lot of people and you know, people you can't really ask a lot of questions right. Because you know, uh, you have to act like you don't know them. I was like, I can't do this is so on it. Yeah. Yeah. Where did you, where you live There. Like we carpool together? Uh. Bitch, I'm holding your jacket. Yeah, Yeah, your jacket. You have your purse? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, literally, like, that was a hard lesson of, like, going back to material. It was up to me. I would want to just never do it. Oh, man, that's so funny. I'm just the opposite. I feel like I have to do material just because I want to see if what I was writing worked like. So I always like to, you know, just see, Does this shit go or not? I don't know. really works or can really. To me it was I could never bluff it. Yeah. Like English class, right? In high school. I would never read the book over high way through the test, which never worked, you know, It never worked either. So I was like, I feel like I have to show up somehow looking like I did my homework or whatever, because the audience is the teacher and they're going to see right through my bluff. Yeah. Um, and I had a teacher call me on it. It was like she, you had to you like popcorn reading and we had to, like, summarize a chapter, and it was fuckin Romeo and Juliet. Uh, you know, whatever verse this Daniel, what happens? I was like, it's just a lot of, like, back and forth about how they're not supposed to be together. Ha ha. Ha. That's pretty good. But she was like, That's it. Yeah. It was the actual passage where they died. Uh, totally, like, sobbing dead in the water and I know because goes is going to correct Dana. Oh. Because she could've gone about that differently if you had to show. Daniel Well. I love. The sassy little t. Shirt. Funny. I failed with Grace. She said, I know I'm not supposed to tell you. You really failed with Grace. That's beautiful. It was even mean like that. You were. You tried so hard, but you failed. I immediately I was like, That is my future book title. Oh, that's so good. When it doesn't perform well in the New York Times, I thought, Oh my God, you read the title? Yeah. That's nice. To. Hear. You've been out for everything, right? Yeah, that's how we are. ABC podcast, too. It's like it's the early releasing episodes. Really. This is an ADHD podcast. Hi. What's your gear? Garrett and I both have that I feel like too. Yeah. And he but he but I guess since we're older we're just A.D.D. or. Yeah, but the yeah, yeah. And the thing was like he, he it works. Maybe he's more obsessive compulsive because he wants things that they have to be out on a certain day and that's it and he will stay up go crazy editing. Yeah yeah. And I'm but I'm the opposite. I go why don't we just do it the next day. And. Totally undiagnosed, All right, Like I'm walking through this world. But the only thing I know is weed helps me focus if I want. So, yeah, that's so lucky. Yeah, I smoke pot. Yeah. I wish it does continue the other way. Though, I swear. This is so nasty. I'm like, I swear I might be allergic. Oh, you might be. Yeah. And like, well, the sometimes the smallest amount makes me so dizzy. But the last time I smoke, I. It's been so long. And the last time it was like, super, super high. It was crazy. It's like there's not. I do this really. If it is not this real life, it's like it's. I went to. I used to date this guy. This is a fun fact He's probably have I was on the podcast and he's going to hell. Mm hmm. His dad. You said that voice mail. Oh, wow. He sold it, but he met him, which was. They're very wealthy. And his his ex stepmom rented out an entire hot yoga studio, and she smoke. She's a hot young woman. And she is. And I wanted to fit in. Yeah. And I knew it didn't smoke. And she was like, You got to finish this one with me and I'm going to go to my hot yoga class. I rented out the studio. Wow. And it's all of her friends there. It makes it sound like a date rape drug. I mean, yeah. Like, get in there. It's so. Oh, it's awful. I'm getting higher and higher. And the teacher was like, Puts your palms into this. I don't remember this. So I have somebody told me they put your palms into the earth, but I was making it earth with my skinny back and I was sweating. And then she was like, I have to excuse you, like, laid on the floor. I thought like I had a beautiful. Oh, you. Wow. Because I was so disorganized. What does that. Say? Wow. In Close Encounters, where he's making the alien shakes out of the food. Yeah. Fully went alien. Oh, it Aliens. Are how we were. I Those things are awful anyways. I mean, just being in the heat. Oh, yeah. No, the hot yoga stuff I used to do this. Well, we did this thing on a minor accomplishment that we walk in, and then it smells like shit in here. And I was with Nicole time, and she. And she said, Yeah, it's. This is what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be sweaty and hot. Yeah, it's. Disgusting. You fucking. You're like, It smells like gas. Yeah. Yeah, it was terrible. It's terrible. But we similarly, I was at a friend's house in Corpus Christi a hundred years ago where it was a similar where like people are, it's humid. I'll give it. That wasn't sweat. Yeah. Okay. Season. And we're watching Pirates of the Caribbean. Who cares, right? Yeah. And it's like there's five joints and there's six of us in the room. And I excused myself. I could feel it. I felt bad about that. But. I'll be right back. And I walked into the other room. What? I didn't know in the other room, what I thought was there was a couch, so I was just going to fall on the couch. Instead. There was a like a computer rolly chair, a wheels and a drumset. And so I let that ride my blood sugar with the stuff. I fainted into the rolly chair, go and launch into the drum set. Go. Excuse me. I'll be right back. Oh, my God. cartoon drumming. Oh, I heard everyone. I heard people. What the And all my friends, they around me like alien. Come on. That's so funny. I learned a hard lesson. You got to really like. You got to E. Yes. The foundation first. Yeah. And then the last time I was in, like, a gay resort where everyone says, suck your dick. It's like, uh, I've heard about a lot of mid citizen women today. Well, that. Yeah, like I spot. Yeah, yeah, that's that whole thing. The problem is, is like the lights are on, you know what I mean? It's very much like this. Yeah. Have you ever done like, cruise work or any of. That kind of, you know, you don't even really want to do is the EDM crews. My friend just did. Oh my God. I love performance. You know? No New York. He's from Texas, but he's New York. What does EDM mean? It's electronic. Well. It's it's electronic dance music. Suzette, that Skrillex. Oh, damn. Well, that would be cool. Yeah. I tell you, I, I all I can think of is DMX. He overdosed on pills, so. RF he's loopy, but the worst part of it said if he was listening, he had Skrillex. Yeah, yeah. All right. Now I want to know. I love dance music. I bet I would be fun. To do that with you. I feel like you'd be great on EDM. Oh, I would. I would love to. It'd be fun. Keep the hours, but then. I know, I know. But then you can. I mean, then it's like when you see people say you do set and then you see people probably in a good mood afterward because there's everyone's dancing and. Like sneaking Molly onto a cruise. Ship. Yeah, yeah. Gay Cruise, as I've done, it's like people are worried about weed and maybe poppers is like, honey. There's like, there's. Ecstasy. Ketamine is on that Bach. Are you kidding me? Like, the drug right now. I know. That is really. Scary. It is confusing. Yeah. I tried it one time and I was like, What is this? It was like a tranquilizer. Oh, yeah. I buy a whole body. Was it for video? This is a dog. I'm there. Yeah. Yeah. as most of those drugs, I ingested accidentally. You know what I mean? When you think you're getting ecstasy and you're like, Oh, let's try heroin. Yeah, Yeah. But, yeah, I'm. I'm just such a downer these days, which means I'm old. I'm like, just give me some mushrooms and, like, a sunset. My right. That's exactly what I'm like now. I'm chilled out. Yeah. Yeah. You. I was wild. When I was in. Your youth. Yeah, Yeah. When I first moved out here, I lived with, like, me, like I had, like, four roommates, and they. We were at the Abbey, like, every weekend. Mm. Could dream and I could to. I don't know what I'm saying. They were. And then I think I'm, I'm dating to be sober now, so I've like really chilled out my life and I'm 30 now. I just heard 30. Oh. Oh, congratulations. Yeah. And so young. When I first moved here though, it was like, first of all, I didn't know anyone. So it was like, Then I can everyone, you know? Yeah, yeah. Everybody. Yeah, no mistake. Because it's small town, right? And but I was also a major drinker, like, all the time. So those two things by hand. I'm like, I was a horny, really fun time. But the naked. Yeah. So broken out. Of our systems. Honestly, I like working. I don't date. So we're going to work with this over person and it's like, you know, if someone else is doing it, then I can do a little bit of it. Yeah, right. Yes. Like by proxy. Yes. It's about like. If you want a drink. And do you feel weird if you're drinking in front of the person or do you don't. Says that like that's not a big deal. This I feel. Yeah. I notice sometimes he would never make me feel bad about it, but it's like, you know, like, for example, we're going to his cabin is like. And ever since I was now. The cabin crew, we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like us for three days. And I've decided he's not going to bring any alcohol or anything because it's just me and him and he's sober. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. I. I think that means you're thoughtful. You know, my psychiatrist once said I was talking about being in a fight with a guy, and he started started to cry, and I thought that was really manipulative. And I said, that makes me even more angry. And she said, That's Laura, that you're kind of insensitive. And I'm like, Oh, I'm insensitive. Oh, he's crying. Like, even the. Women feel like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me. Audrey. I was like, You asshole. You know, I can't keep arguing with you Now that you've got tears in your eyes, you son of a bitch. Who's like, I'll break up. I want to. I know. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I can remember being on the other side. I mean, I still have it, but it was like in Boston, and especially when my friends would be like, I'm not drinking anymore. I'd be like, See? And never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like online. But yeah, I always loved that. But then you can sneak around because it was. Did you ever. I had one job, I was a server and I hated this German restaurant. So where were. You, sir? It was in a restaurant. I think we called it Hell Chili because it was called LG Clever. And they it was it was a horrible job, but it was the best people. But they couldn't fire you. They couldn't afford to fire anybody, right? Yeah. So I was over an hour for 3 minutes and go, What? And then keep my job, you know. But then with it was me. But we would put Baileys in our coffee all day. Oh I hear stories that servers getting lit like. That I've never done. I have. I just did it that I was like, fucking fire me because you hated it. Yeah. Yeah. You do everything you could do. Yeah. And it never. Work. That's so. Funny. Yeah, it was great. I made a drug deal with one of my bosses in. And he promoted. You? Yeah. It was beautiful. So it's when you have nothing to lose. Yeah, that's when I'm like. Like at my best performance. Yeah, You know. That's exactly it, too. I feel the same way. It's like no stakes, nothing to lose. Yeah, like. But then I feel like that is part of, like, especially crowd work. It's like if you show up with material that sucks, you're like, Oh, I suck. But if it's like, if you're working the crowd and it's like, it doesn't work out like they suck. Yeah, that's why I like performing for people I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Like I did a hometown show and I was like, I never seem to lose. Oh, man. Yeah, I did. I did. I thought, yeah, you got your sweet ass this past December now. Yes. Oh, family. Oh, no Christmas spirit. Because, you know. If I bomb, I mean. Yeah, that's the name of it was. That wasn't a bomb. I go, you know what I'm saying? You don't, you don't get I don't think this is a car bomb. That's a bomb. Yeah. Uh, my. Last compliment. Is like, where you were Family laughs. Shut up. Yeah. Indiana, Indiana, Indianapolis. My best friend is from Fort Wayne, which we performed. I did whatever the club is. They're the club. Now. Yeah. It's strikingly fun. I was shocked at how funny the. Midwest can be so far this crowd will be great. Yeah, it's just I try to do crowd work with people. I knew it didn't work. I did some really inappropriate stuff. Mm. You weren't really. There's a lot of parents who weren't really on board for it, and I tried to change it by doing more cow work. It was answering the question. It was like so. That you know me. Yeah, my Christmas is like, Oh, shit. Yeah. So now. You know, I get it and. It's like, so crazy of me, but it's like we do, like we work so hard out here and like, we do like this is like our passion and like, we pour so much into it, and the last thing you want is people from your hometown being like, Oh, that's what she's been doing. Yeah, I yeah, I don't even bring friends. I don't even invite friends to things because it's just like, then you've got to take care of them. Then you know, you're going to hear their critique whether you want it or not. Yeah, absolutely. They don't get that. The art form. It is normal to have some that some good. Yeah, it's already good too. Sometimes in the majority you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It was bad. Yeah. My friend, my boyfriend's friend and they're all this kind of we want to see you. And it's like, yeah, you do. But no, you don't. And the one I think I talked about this before they chose it was the Ontario Improv, which is the mall. Oh, shit. Those are such swing or miss crowds. And sometimes they're hit right. There. And this was not one of those. And I warned them a thousand times, Don't come. It's not going to. And sure enough, I just shit. And I had to do exactly that. The friend was like, Well, it was great. Uh. Parking garage. You have the Ontario Mills mall? Yeah. Like, put me on my misery. And it's so sweet. That's so weird. And then your friend. But they know. And I know, but this, you know, this is, you know, what Audrey was saying about not doing anything. And then I remember just doing this thing, and my friend was the only one I could hear. Like she was trying to compensate for everybody else. And I was like, It's okay, Heidi. I you know, you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, I this isn't, you know, you can't, you can't laugh for everybody. So funny. I yeah, I could only love her. She's like, overdoing it. I was, I was in the audience with a friend and someone was bombing on stage and their friend yelled at Tell them this story. I was like, Oh my God, when your friend has oh shit, the worst. But I the one thing I struggle with going to going home to Texas in a few months is every time the family's like, Ah, you're going, uh, and but you don't need to know that. Right? You don't need to see me. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go see We don't come see me. Yeah, so. And I don't know how to broach that subject for the sixth time. Yeah, Yeah. It's just like they just don't listen. Yes, well, it's also a party. Yeah. Which I can't kind of. That makes me even more nervous. What do. You mean? It's like they want to have, like, a dinner or. Oh, I'm like, I'm in shambles before, during and after. Yeah, it is exact. I so feel that because I went to drinks with them before it was just and then after like, Oh, here's how I know I didn't do all this. All my family had left to go or every left me here I Hoover Oh, where you get drinks. And my friend who didn't I said then guy didn't come to show it. He told me not to. I didn't go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Austin they had it's called the Funniest Person in Austin, which is a citywide competition and it's really fun. Yeah, it gets people to get fired. If it was Aziz, you can. I think the Comedy Central people show up anyway. I mean, it's really fun. Huge opportunity and fun, but people take it very seriously. I'm a new comic, so I was taking it seriously. But you make it to the finals. They're like, Oh my God, yeah. Career has just begun. Yeah. And my parents wanted to come see because they never see me do stand up. So this was their time. I was like, Honestly, it's going to be a great show. Yeah, but I had to go through that. I was like, Don't even text me today because I was so new. Yeah. Like 5 minutes. You don't get a lot time. And I was like, just please that afterwards will totally hang out after the joke about. So what did they do? They stopped by my house unannounced with a refrigerator. We are okay. They brought no a refrigerator? No. And it all just going to move and moving it into the ocean, which of course I used to. Refer. To at that moment. But at the. Moment that is so. Wild. And then they're like, sure, we're going to go grocery shopping and fill it. I'm like, No. No, believe me. Oh my. God. It's like, Imagine having to throw a fit about that. No, Right. And then it's like, Now I'm a horrible son and I'm going to bomb. Right? But you did find a new. Oh, they did. That was like they watched me win. And then the next week they came back and they watched me lose the star. I was like, Yeah, you should have been like, You should have at the end of I would like it's because the fridge. It wasn't the better it was, but I couldn't believe I was like Keller literally killing me with kindness. It's right. It says that. Right from within. Yeah. Is do they don't understand the mental Yeah. You need the day. You need the. Day. Yeah. Yeah. That looks really. Pretty. Like every four weeks. I mean, because there's. Your hands are beautiful. They're like, No, they really are. They look really. To be like, do this. But are so many stand up photographers come in and I feel like sometimes, like if they're already so up that it might have. Yeah. Or yeah. Or they get it get you so close from underneath like you. Look, I had this one look like, first of all, like

I had like a 6: 22:36

00 shadow or beard and then. Yeah, and then your hands look like, look all like kind of. There's a there's struggling ugly lady who doesn't know her color schemes. Yeah, she's a blond. Presumably a blond white lady is what we're assuming. But she has this crazy white face and mean she has just like California. Oh, no. But then she's gone for something because she has these can hang on. Right? Or plaza a white. Is. What I think. It's a lighting thing. She has a student turned weather girl, which is the normal path. But her makeup. For her. No DIY man. You never been on local news. That's so true. Love the news. They don't make their I guess I. That's the first time I saw a man with a caboodle. Was that a local news caboodle? Oh, my gosh. You're so young. You know what? I thought it was like a poodle. I just. I'm so old and she's so young. I don't know. Fucking makeup kit, but it looks like a bait box. Oh, open it. And it has all these open and these little pockets for all your a caboodle. I think I have one of those from Target when I was in like the sixth year. Yeah, it was for like, because I have a joke about if you about being too old for tick tock. Okay. You owned a caboodle. You're too old for tick tock. Okay. It's like, did you have jabot jeans? What? What if. What if you're too straight to have a caboodle? Do straight, big caboodles ever, ever. Okay. Oh, damn it. All caboodle, the food, all. don't think they're business anymore, but yeah, they were. They? My sister thought it was like, Yeah, she should have pants when she got her caboodle. That's so. Funny. So I need to get my people on. I've been keeping them clean though, because I was. Saying. Girl, girl. Yeah, but like somebody told me one time when I was, like, rolling after, like, nobody will ever, like, you know, bad toenails. Hmm. I mean, how often are people going to see them? So in the winter, they're just. But now that. Breaking news is winter. Yeah. Now that is straight relationship. You know, it's crazy. Like, I'm thinking, like. Like when I did a woman, you think I'd be more take care of somebody that I was so comfortable. That was just like, the opposite. My toenails. Like, maybe, like, so long, I accidentally, like, probably actually murder her staff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, great. And then with my boyfriend, I feel like I just. I take care of myself more, which is interesting. Interesting. Well, does it. Have to be the dainty. One? I don't. I don't think. No, that's what I love about it. She just let me be completely me. That's great. It's so good. But it also. I can't tell. That's an age thing, too. He's older. No, no, no. But now or I'm getting old. Oh, yeah. I'm like, Can't be a slob forever. Yes, you can. Yeah. Look at us. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. Laughs at all. I mean, this is. I've got my nails, but I just did them myself. But look, I love this ring. And I think. Oh, thanks. That's my wedding ring. I can see it more. Yeah. Can I have. Stuff? Yeah, go ahead. This is gorgeous. Thanks. It's. It's like an art deco. I guess it's from the thirties or forties. Oh, hell, I know. I'm from the. Forties. You are? Good. Think she gave me this leather change purse, right? It's beautiful. And it's from the thirties. Mm hmm. Yeah, she throws right here. Take that. I think you'd like it. Oh, my God. I love. Oh. You have great style, though. I'm thinking. I'm. When you talk about it, this is my go. I'm a boyfriend who works in fashion, so that's the only reason I have a clothes that people can't. Imagine. What they do. He's like a stylist. Okay. Hi. Yeah. How can be for you? He at his house. He has two closets, which is a miracle in and of itself. He has to walk in closets and both of the racks have fallen off the wall because many. I love that. I'm going to have to start coming over and getting dressed. It's a thing because I'm a slob, too, so no matter what I'm eating, it ends up I am hiring again. And so I had to change my shirt. So yeah, that's what I wear to wear anywhere. His stuff a lot. Yeah, because he was big. He's like, he's, he's shorter than me, but he was like way oversize stuff. That's awesome. Yeah, he looks like three raccoons in a trench coat. So that's awesome that you have that. Yeah. It's like when you're gay, you double your wardrobe, but it's like just data. Like, he hasn't he hasn't gleaned anything off of my fashion. Yeah. Yeah. Article of mine that he's asked even to borrow. My clothes all the time. And that's cute, but I wear pretty gender neutral stuff. Yeah, I mean, this is cropped sometimes. 40 fucking one. So I'm older than you, but. And I think there's a generation gap in that. There's like, I think men are allowed to be more effeminate. Mm. Gay. Yeah. And I think women can be a little more like Rob without being like a lesbian. Yeah. Men don't see it as it straight guys don't see it as a turnoff and straight girls don't see it as a turnoff. Vice versa. Yeah. Yeah. No longer like a thing. And it used to be a thing. Like, I remember before I even dated Veronica, how many voters would love to tell me that they think I'm gay or whatever, but I'm like you. If we if I was that that now, you would never do that. You just been like, Oh, oh, yeah, That's what I love my boyfriend too, because it's so sick here and I'm so. Mm hmm. Because I'll tell you a lot of guys had issues that I dated from before. Oh. Oh, yeah. And the kids that are insecure. Yes, exactly. Yeah. I'm like, Oh, this is just all your insecurity. Yeah. And it was like, Oh, they're like, How do I know you're going to let me be a lesbian again? No idea how. Anything. Yeah, Yeah. Honestly, though, when it comes to women, men have no clue. I don't either. But like, men are so stupid. There's just. Yeah, me either. I'm like, I liked her. I loved her, and I don't anymore. Yeah, I'm attracted to you. Is that not enough? Yeah. Yeah. Of me. I think is way more fun and way less of a, like, mental thing to be, like, to label it. And then you have to, like, stick to it. Like, oh my God, I have to do this. Because then you start wondering if you're not again right now. Yes. The only thing I think I struggle with now still is like, I love how my boyfriend accepts me and his parents love me and they're great. But my Instagram, I will post on my Instagram, all these beers and we're going to suck them all. Yeah. Ha. They're Mormon. He's Oh my God. He's not Mormon. Oh, they are the most lovelies people ever met. My And they're not, like, prettier and they're very like you. I mean, you wouldn't even know they live in Utah. Most fan. Wow. But yeah, and I love them like a lot of the time, but I always get insecure and I always bits about how I dated and then I'm always like if some guy says something that I'm like, Yeah, I wish I was gay again. Yeah, yeah. I post all those things on my Instagram and I'm like, I know he accepts me. I know his family loves me and I'm in their group chat, but I'm always so insecure. Oh, that they're showing other family members. If anybody looks me up that that's like all. Oh. Oh yeah. My sister now I think she, he went, this is years ago. He was like so and his family are Floridian. No. If you know what I mean. You make it sound like a disease. And they, it was we were just friends, like. So I showed my family your standup and I was like, Oh, horrible idea. Yeah, I was. I had to go. Is like it was really quiet. Yeah, you idiot. Oh, so that means that they have notes. You are hilarious. Oh no, they're maga as So they don't want to hear like you know, they don't want any of that, do you? I love being on the road. I love touring. It is the thing. Being in a relationship is new for me and it's like I love to be out on the road. I don't know. I my boyfriend is cool, We understand that. But what is that like for you? So it was it was I think for me was it tough? But for him it was. Mm. Yes, yes. Like for me it's fun. Yeah, I. Do. Whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be right back. Yeah. It's like two, three days at a time. Yeah, yeah. Come back. It's like not. Weeks. At a time. Yeah. And for this past year, this coming year, like I told you, they get out town these like, last minute shows. Like I had the best time. It was like this. Yeah, this guy. Definitely. I was on a plane the next week. Yeah, It's like I last, but I was doing all the shows this past year. I just felt fine as far as like when the dream. Yeah, like it's hard when you're gone. What does he do, by the way? He's in stand up. He's two years in, but he's like, does it because he loves it. He's the director at an ad agency. Oh, cool. To keep being in the corporate world. Like he said, you even every Tuesday. Oh, cool. So funny. And he is excelling in standup. It's never like a competition either, because he. Does it because you're better. Yeah. Ha ha. He has other goals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or he has a job. Yeah, yeah. But. Yeah, but so I think it's more harder on him and I think, I think him. I mean, maybe I'm making assumptions like, I think I will have a kid the next morning. I'm three and a half years old for doing it and I think that's where he'd sometimes think, go get. A leg up. Well, it would be like, I'm scared that she's touring so much. What if we have kids together? But yeah, so that's me. That's my own insecurities coming out. Yeah, but part of me thinks it's hard for him, and I think he wonders like that. Like it's always going to be. Yeah. Yes and no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want kids. Dads go on the road to. Yeah, you might go. You'll be. Yeah. Let's go get a bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like get some, you know, I mean that you tried. Yeah. Like I. I mean, I, I didn't think I want kids, and then I do like kids, and I love being with him. Amazing rhythm. Really? Yeah. What is that? A See, I'm so not wired at all to care or take for anything. Maybe a dog. Yeah. See, that's. That's. And the dog has to be real cute. Yeah, you know what I mean? But like you, I mean, he's with the cute dog. Yeah. And you're like, Why are you wired for that? no. I said I would get no. And if I said if I could give birth to kittens or puppies, I would. But not to a human. Like Russian fairy tale to give birth to a kitten. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I would do. That's what I would do. That's like. I think I'm afraid he's going to ruin my career. No, no. I get. Well. You. I mean, like, you got to hustle so much. Yeah, Yeah. Non stop. No, the catch. There was a comic. She was saying that she feels like she won't have get a special unless she has a kid and then she won't be able to do another special unless she has a second kid. Well we're getting a lot of comics I guess. Do a lot of female comics do shows about their kids having kids. Mother and and men too, I guess. Yeah, but. It is true. Like I get in my head, like when I quit smoking, Cigarets is like, Oh, my God, am I going to be less funny? Right? You know, I mean, or like, you know, you're like, am I going. To be like, you know, when I start dating a guy, I treat? Yeah. I that heterosexuality does make you less funny. Yeah. Yeah, sure, Sure. It beats you down. Audrey, We'll talk about ugly. I for sure. It's weird. I'm not wired for that. So I've never projected my future to be like, Oh, shit, I have to care about something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, I don't know. It could help. It reinforces depression, you know? I mean, you're like, Well, I'm the only one who's going to deal with anything. Yeah. Is that something really think about? Like I have to plan my career on kids. So sometimes I'm like, feeling like I need to really hustle these next four years in order to be in a place where I can. Can do that for. Sure. Yeah. And he's in a place where he definitely can do it. Yeah, but I am like, Yeah, I don't know. You work really hard and you're in shows a lot. Yeah, I've trade up every night. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. So do you drive out of town? I mean, do you drive out of town to. To. Oh, wow. I either get some money from like. Well, I mean, money off someone's where? Like. Well, that's. Gone. Yeah Yeah. Oh yeah. And I sometimes I, yeah, I, I mean, I have a show every night this week. Wow. That's awesome. I was, we were talking when we were talking. About. A is is inconsistent. Yeah. Yeah. Like all shows and stuff like that. And sometimes going out of town is not even financially in your interest. Yeah, it's a lot. But I do find that it's so beneficial because the areas around L.A. are normal people. Yes. Yeah. Even worse. Normal rich people. Yeah. Uh, to learn that, you. Have to learn that and you get good tapes from them. I'm sorry. Yeah. So, like, they're not so outside of. I don't even have to do crowd work. I think I'm just too. People are like. You. They know. They just want to talk to me. Yeah, it happens. I'm like, Bitch, this is all rhetorical. You got to be good. Open energy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I need to be less inviting. It's so good. I wish I did see you do stand up. Yeah, I don't. Oh, Lord. Yeah. God, that was sweet. Yeah. around in by the door or something. Yeah, Yeah. Where do you. Think? Yeah, yeah. The big show. The big show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tammy, Joe Show at the in the belly room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a killer and my favorite thing as we saw in Chicago. Hang on. Hang with me and stuff. I love Steptoe. I know. Me too. But, no, I, I, I was. I think we. Were. I can't remember. It's weird that it blurs together. It was acting. Weird the virtual for a while, and then we moved around after COVID. Tags want have diverged. Maybe. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was like in a very I think that's when I was like just starting maybe. Yeah. It could be. We were so nervous and I was like, not high, like. Anyway, the camera was on hangs and my favorite thing was, and it's kind of rare to see this, but like all the comics just lined up in the back and shut up and like, every, every time Laura said a joke, people were like, That's how I was then. That's how you were watching the Masterclass. No place. Like the real. Deal. I can't wait to see it. Well, we should. We know, Daniel, I we were going to. We thought we'd probably do like a you know, what we thought would happen live on a Tuesday and have comics said, Well, well, Wolf, the three of us will do it together at the Improv. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to have a night. We're going to invite all of our family and mortgages kind of suffer through it and. Have our family fly out. I like it. Okay. Family invites their friends. Yeah. Oh, I know. They don't support me. Oh, yeah. Well, you're not here in a political way, but just be like, Oh, I know they think I'm a sad clown or whatever. Oh, absolutely. I know for a fact. You know, it's crazy. I know for a fact Some people in Indiana now, I know a lot of not my family, but I know only friends and stuff. But when I had that post where I said, this is how I said I was being brought to my ex, I was like, It is a picture of the two of us. And I said, We read I'm not gay, that I did see some of those y'all gave us cause I was like 26. And then I had Mark as a freak. Ha ha ha. Now I'm an organ post. Good. Yeah. Haha. He came out and I was terrified. It ha ha ha ha. Well, I know we re date those and we've got a shares and it was really scared at like over 3000 shares and I knew people in my home town probably just sharing it saying like weird. Wow. Yeah. I mean not in a good way maybe. Mm. I do think that some people don't understand like fluid that like, Oh my God, you're just in a phase. You're crazy phase. Or. Really? That's wild to. Say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To let you know that they knew. Oh, I knew. Or they want to put you in a closet. Yeah. Yeah. And that to me is the most insulting where they're, like, they, they just assume you were keeping a secret as opposed to just living your own evolution. My mom had a good theory about why she thought I was a lesbian. She goes, Well, you don't like any of my boyfriends, you don't like any of your boyfriends. And I was like, okay, maybe you're right. But I feel like it is an evolution of it. I stand by it if it were for closet cases, I would never get to straight guys. And that is just like I have. A lot of gay friends that would have sex with the frat guys. And I don't know. And I think they're married to women now. I know so, but I know. Yeah. Yeah. My friend, she is in a straight relationship now, but was was with women in like all of her adulthood. But in her early twenties she was an intern at the capitol of Texas and would have threesomes with all these Republican straight dudes. Oh, my God. You would be all this like where they would you would presume that the two gay guys might be gay because they're naked in the same room with each other. Yeah. Yeah, They're a girl. So it's not gay. Wow. She didn't name names. Kind of a thing. That's amazing. Yeah, it's really beautiful. That's like her. That was her way of just taking Texas down. No. Ha, ha. Yeah. Let's see if there's a woman there, then. We're not gay. So really, she's just doing security. She wasn't. She wasn't a part of any of it. Good God. Yeah, I love. I love about the case. They're identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you are not just a comedian. You parlay it into lots of other things, do you? Is that where you're. In a way. Yeah. It's in all this stuff. So I didn't even know I wanted to do stand up to be on. I didn't even know what it was. This is, like, kind of wild. Yeah, I used to, like improv. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Get out of Chicago. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard that. I know. In Chicago, I did a little one through five in the summer of when I was in college. And improv for me was like, I mean, I was I liked it, but I was like, wild. I feel like I would in there. I did. Groundlings out here felt like I couldn't break through. I was like the one line or girl and if I wasn't the one hired girl, I felt like it ruined scenes. It was like furniture to move on to, right? Yeah. I ha ha ha ha. Serve anybody. There's no. Yeah. Yes. And that's. So funny. That Groundlings, just before you blew up was with Trevor Wallace and, like, Carousel and stuff, and Trevor, like, $10,000 and. Yeah. And he was just like, you know, like doing stand up. And I was like that. He's like, Hey, you should try to do like, you should try it. Like, even my improv teachers, like Jimmy Sally and they're like, Yeah, try it. And I did. And I am like, instead of doing them, like, I found you. Uh huh. They didn't have to bring five people. Are you done? Yeah. And I did 5 minutes of who knows what and had a want. But at the time I and I kind of knew something. Somebody just had to have a P.O.V., like a perspective and then station. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You later found little River. The Laugh Factory. When the Laugh Factory was like this, the clips were like everything before. Like, everything else is like the laughter clips. I did that pretty funny when showcase. Mhm. They filmed it and then they clip on my bits and it got like millions and millions of views. Wow, that's. Great. I was like year two in the and then that got me local shows. Mhm. Agency found me and then. I said been I think if you can honestly capture that first year or two three magic. Yeah. Then you don't get it then your confidence is kind of set. Yeah. Yeah. It gets too formal like cement itself. Yes. So you can just proceed. Yes. As opposed moving here. I mean like, oh my God, you know, you can it for a long time and not stay true to yourself and be very authentic. You hear a vibration? Yeah. Where was your for where was the show you did? It was, you know, Dave Williamson. Yeah. Okay. Do you know his El Segundo show that you like? Oh, yeah. So it was. That was my first one that I did. Uh huh, Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Do you dream Valley? Do you watch the other two? Week We. Yes. The twins. Yeah. And then the other sister was like, Take the other brothers. Take them. Yes, Yes. It's so funny. Molly Shannon was he. He was in that was he. He's a he's in a but he's a writer. Oh. And it's a hilarious show. It's very L.A.. I didn't get more like. I mean, either is also very gay. There's a lot of gay. Mhm. Like Larry. Who are you. Yeah, exactly. Because some people think that they're hell bound for watching it, but it's. Just for their own. Thing. Yeah. Yeah. LA to me and just to like many have, you. Know, funny is quick. I see a modern family which is quick. It's that too. There's a lot of throwaway, throwaway like asides and stuff but you love it. It's really smart. I finally watched. To be or not to be the Carole. Yes, the Carole Lombard thing. Yeah. We always watch these old movies together. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've kind of. Yeah, we kind of become friends through the podcast. That was kind of like our thing to to make new friends and stay in touch with old ones. Like, I feel like it was kind of old because of the pandemic, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. Because I feel like you guys get that friendship. Energy? Yeah. Yeah. I was the only one who called me. Ha ha. I guess I should give this friendship thing a try. And, yeah, my husband was like, you know, you don't have any friends. Why don't you? What about this guy? Because Garrett knows yet Garrett is also a Texan, and so. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Yeah. Did you like the movie though? They. I did, yeah. That was pretty. Great. What year was track that I'll look at? But it's very post World War two if it's not still during the end of world. Yeah. Yeah. It takes Yeah. And it takes place like in 39. Yeah. Yeah. Because with that Hitler jokes. Yeah. I kind of maybe I'm so ignorant in the fact what I want what. I. Can now. But then you know it takes a while and then you'll, then you'll just go on a binge because there's just so many and some, some of them are shot so well too for the time the like. Beautiful. Yeah. All the Hitchcock. Yeah. It's like the role like the really like. Oh right. Right, right. My aunt turned me on to them on Halloween like my family loves. And I'm like, I'm a nerd. For me, too. Big time. Me and with even gayer is that I love like if you give me some like 1930s, like art deco Halloween decorations. Oh, it's so beautiful. You have that black hat downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That to me, every time I see that, I'm like, be still my Oh, you know, like an old witch window, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This past year, the. For the first time. Me, too. Oh, you never been out of the first habit. First time. Ever. But that. That's a wild first time. This one was insane. Yeah, it was really good. It was so. Good. It was really straight. So like a parade, too, on Halloween, but no. Okay. And then, like, it's like you can't even your phone, you know, service. It's like. Oh, shit. Yeah. I don't. I wouldn't even try to get in the bars, you know? No, we're in the street. Only did you were you by the stage of the. So we missed some of the performance stuff. So was a lot of the costuming and the walking back and. I. Went like apeshit on. The costumes. I love. That. I my boyfriend got me because he's in fashion. This, like, stunning, crushed velvet like cape and hood, which was beautiful. I know. It's like I'm delivering a letter on horseback is it's gorgeous. Yeah. We keep we keep saying we're going to wear cape. Well, I have been looking up. I've been looking for capes, too. Bore. You must have even. I was out of season like a Halloween. Yeah, let's do it. Because that was my favorite time on television was when they would have a Halloween episode. Yeah. Roseanne before racism was though. Wine. Yeah, The one in Home Improvement, which was a horrible show. Yeah. Great. How are? I don't know. He's just like the one I love. The one thing I don't like badly, but I love that how the other is like the changing of the leaves and like, the wet. Oh, yeah. That smells so good, actually. Yeah. Yeah. We were in Fort Wayne. This is last in 2022, but it was October. And across from the hotel was this huge Halloween store, but small town. So like, not razzle dazzle, you know, like it would look like the month before, it had been like a telemarketing agency. Kind of just like, new and bland. Yeah, but even that, it was like the fall leaves. There's some busted symmetry around the corner. I love that. Oh. Yeah. Yes. But we were in WeHo and I was just, like, working the case. I wasn't even in a costume. I was just, like, selling cocaine. Yeah, that's. I love that is the yearbook. And people could sign high, and it was fun. And I think I'm going to do it every year and just keep adding, Yeah. That's so cool. And, and then just when I'm older, just like, go through all and people were like, it's so funny because certain people, if definitely on drugs or whatever, they were like writing that I have no idea. They were just like, No. Then they just kept us like, You don't take a ha ha ha ha. Yeah, It's not an art installation. Yeah. Man, that's. That's so clever. I was thinking about, like, that friend of mine and I were saying, What's the saddest thing that you've ever seen in a yearbook? And I remember it was a friend of ours said, You seem nice. Stop. Oh, my God, you seem nice. Like, you know, like. Yeah, it was. It was this friend of mine, Dave, and he said, you know, that, you know, he wasn't popular. None of us were or whatever in high school. And that if he asked some girl, the sign is yearbook and she, you know, was probably fell on the spot and just wrote You seem nice in America. So it's like you've made no impression at all. This girl we have on your desk to really push together, right? Like in a group. And it was math, which was my weakest subject and still is. There was one girl in the group who had like, facial Tourette. Uh huh. Oh, normal. And then like a free, like a glitch or whatever and, and then have like, all of it. And then there's one girl next to me who was a total bitch would, like, laugh or do something, or she turned out like, Did you see that girl? Oh, no. She's right. Meanwhile, I was really into working My Princess Diana Energy was like, I'll touch it. Touch a picture, you know? I mean, like, I'm okay. So I'm always trying to be, like, stone faced whenever she would be having, like, misread the moment she signed my yearbook. Thank you for talking to me. Stop. Oh, I get No one wants to die. That's so awful. I know, but the girl next to me, that bitch is like a bodybuilder. Now they're figures. She's going to testosterone herself out. Steroid yourself out. Yeah, but you know where you can see the what? Not hemorrhoids. What do you call the what do you call her? Hernias. Where do you get You know what I mean. Like wait, bodybuilders. Yeah. See, they get such low body fat and they blow up everything or they get hernias. And you can see. Jesus, you know, bodybuilders. Yeah. What am I from? Indiana? Okay, She's a firefighter. And anybody. That reaches hernia her. Is be nuts. Yeah. Oh, they. Party though, now. Have you ever hung out before? Ha ha. I literally before my boyfriend, I was I after I was. Yeah. And I went to a wedding and I it was like a mutual friend. I met this firefighter. They're so handsome. And most firefighters ended up being. So listen to this. He goes, You should come see me up in Aspen. And we obviously, we had sex and I got a raging it, you. Know. And and then I go out and I visit him and I was on his toes as far as his. And he has covered. I get out there the first three days, we're having lots of sex. It's fun. And then the fourth day, by the way, I'm there for eight days. Every day we go on a camping trip. Mm mm. Friends, we go all the way off the grid, up the rocks. He. His attitude. Oh, my God. Oh, no. I dropped something in his spirit. He goes, Yeah, it's just trashed the Subaru. I go, Oh. No, no, what's going. On? Oh I don't really get he drinks is like, let's get alcohol. Let's, we can do it. Okay. Yeah. I'm not drinking. Right. Okay, then I won't either. Then we go up and he has a loaded gun. Oh, my God. And the only reason I'm not freaking out is like, okay, he was the best man at our as a prize winner. Mutual best friends. Way. Uh huh. No. But then I hear later that he is crazy. But they love him. But like. He's not going to kill you. I'm like, he's bipolar because the way that he's. Was. Like, I can't have sex with you anymore. You're in love with me. And I go, Hmm, I'm here to you. Uh, she started crying. Oh. Which I don't. I was so I was like, in the bear woods, and I was, like, so vulnerable for even coming on this trip. Yeah. SOBBING Oh, gosh. Physically, life was in danger. That's really. Scary. He just was such an asshole. And then finally, we go back. We get back to his place, and I'm like, I have got to get fly out of here earlier. Is it $500? Which he's also not paying for anything For everything, even for him. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a at the times of volunteer. Oh, I found out. Oh, we're all volunteer fire. I know it's and we're all prediabetic. It was such an asshole for to me the rest of trip and I met his friends. He's being so mean to me in front of his friends. Terrified. And I did the three more days with him. And then I get to the airport and I am literally like, I feel like I have just been in a in a year long, abusive relationship. Wow. That's awful to know in my phone. And I was like, you will never be with a guy like this. This is why you don't like him. If you ever text, you don't even feel like, you know. And I want them. Yeah. And I talk about all the time in bits about it. That's great. Suck my. Ass second. That's so smart, man. I remember well in the old days, whatever I was, I remember I dated this guy, and that was just kind of the same thing. Like, but I, he he wasn't like, bipolar. I just remember he was mean to me, but I. But I liked him anyway. And I used to do this bit like that. I'm going to have to put a post-it on this guy's head. So I remember when I come back to him, Don't. Don't this guy like, you know, because I just thought, this is something I'm not going to remember. I'm probably going to like, you know, a few months from now, like call or something. It's just like, Yeah, I got hit. By the same guy a couple of times and finally had to be like, Stop. Yeah. You're the double. Yeah, Yeah. My friend. This hell, Texas, Why are you in such a ways that my friend was in West Texas and she had hooked up with this dude who was like six six, right? And she told me he has a scar across his face. She was not on his face across space. Right. And she goes, they drove in the truck way out to some house with no electricity, slept. He made a bed on the porch where he slept with a loaded gun under her pillow. No. Fantastic. That's so hot. How to fix things? We keep the gun. Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right. But I get like a man high altitude with a fucking. Or, you know, But I. Yeah, I know, but I was thinking through like, you know, when somebody, when somebody says, you know, what if a guy says, you know, they want you to hit them or whatever, I used to do this thing like I said, is that all you want? Because I sleep with a knife under my mattress. I could do more than hit you. So, yeah, I've I've had someone slap and say to ask to be slapped. And I say, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is they inviting that use. Yeah exactly. Or like to it like a like I meant it, I forget. I mean it wasn't funny. Things get so weird. I always think like does anybody just want to make out. Do you just want to just talk about that. That's now that's got to be kind of like kinky. Let's just make out. Too. That has that out. Flynn has this bit where he's like, I feel like I have to wear a mouthguard every time. They're like, they're like just me. And they're like, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. That is kiss. Yeah, like romance. And that's true. Like loving. Yeah. Existing. Well. I can reach out. I can't remove or something. He gave I was talking about like brokering on Grindr or something and when they come over and like, you know, and you're chatting with them to country, I'm like chatting. Yeah. Who gets that? You don't just walk in and like, I was like, what are we bonding over? Really? Yeah. No time to even use the name. Let's get this over and done. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was the brilliance of being gay. Was that you? It was all transactional. we have to find out where you're playing next and all that. And let's plug. We're in. Can the people find you? How are you guys? I was. Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You can find me. I'm talking. I'm right here. Cameron. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just. Audrey. Stu is our. I know how stupid Andrew Stewart was. Take it on Instagram. No, sir. I'm actually friends. The other, I'm sure. David. I'm sure a group one zookeeper. One's a photographer. Oh, cool. I really like that. I love the name Audrey. In Facebook Times, I friended a bunch of Daniel Webster, but a lot of them are like, Christian. That's so funny. Yeah. Their post got to year. And ever and ever since they've been trying to convert you. Yeah. Oh, Daniel Webster Got a Daniel Webster, huh? Yeah, but, yeah, there's Audrey Stewart on Instagram. Know I'll pop up. Yeah, I will help Calvin. I am. I have no idea. I like the 15 year euro. Yeah. But you're. Oh, you're Audrey. Stu. Stu. And that is art. Okay, great. Yeah, that's nice. I like that. Yeah. I'm so glad to meet you guys. We'll see you again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll make you