"Judy Enters Screaming" with Judy Gold

We sit down with beloved comic, Judy Gold to discuss getting passed in the 80's, crowd work, writing on Better Things and the Rosie O'Donnell show, Joan Rivers' Vine videos, kids helping Judy come out of the closet, Phyllis Diller, Dave Attell, single women sitcoms and "Outstanding: A Comedy Revolution" on Netflix

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Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:09

Our guest is a beloved comic. She is a biker, which you might not suspect the sisters that the, midnight sisterhood. And she is known as no passengers. Gold because she won't, you know, drive with anyone. And she's that tough and that cool. And she's did a play. She's doing stand up. She's brilliant. We love her. The biker. No passengers. Judy Gold. Hey! No passenger. How? What do you think of that? I like it, yeah, you're you're independent. You do your own thing. I. Don't I missed you. Geez, I. Can't believe it's just like, I don't think comics today had a bond. That we did. I know. Yeah, yeah. You know, everybody who comes in because. There's so many. One. And she has all these, like, crazy stories. Oh, la was hilarious. Yeah. What? What ever happened to her? when did you meet Laura? Or when you call me? When do you think we met you? When did you come to? I felt like we met at Catch Catch rising star. You know, Silver's room, silver Friedman's room. Oh. You're right. yes, I remember it well. Oh, is it really? Oh, yeah. The problem it was. It's improv. I don't know, I bomb to some people and. And cash. Yeah. I mean, I hung out of cash. You were at Carolines a lot. Where are you? All right, so I the first club I passed out was cash, okay? And then I passed, I tried, I, I auditioned for Lucien at the comic strip when I was in college. and he said to me, you know, you're a female, you're Jewish. I don't know what kind of market there is for Jewish female. I mean, and I came up with that a couple of years later when I graduated. And, you know, he passed me, but I, I had passed at patch and then but yeah, in the 80s I was at like 84, 85, 86, I hung out at the improv. Yeah. remember their French that they used to do? They used to cut the potatoes and make the. Oh so good anyway. Well, I feel dirty and. Like, oh, my God. Yeah. And and Nancy, Shane and Henry at Mattel and and Larry David. Patrick King was straight. Oh. Oh really? I didn't even. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He thank you straight up. describe that. He he had it. He had a partner. He was not. He was nice. You know what? He was nice one. He was straight. Yeah. He's really not nice anymore. Is that true? Yeah. These ruined are. Like. Yeah, I. Guess I mean, he's very successful, but yeah, he used to bang on the door. Remember, we'd be on stage and so we'll go outside and bang on the door. We get on the. Oh yeah. Do you think there's a difference in the bonding that. Oh yeah. Yeah. First of all, there's no there was no social media. Yeah. When you auditioned, you had one shot. Yeah, yeah. One shot. And you better be prepared. And if they don't, you know, you have no say in who you followed. Oh yeah. Right. And it was an at that time, especially a catcher, as I'm sure you had no idea it was in the audience. Yeah. But you know what? At catch my first audition, I was in Boston and I, auditioned, like an 88 or 89 and, Louis. Fernanda. Yeah. Said. Oh, yeah, we're going to have to. Yeah. So, Laura, what what, what is it again? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, we've got a guest. You gave away a few minutes, and it was, Jerry Seinfeld, and they did a half hour, and then I went on bombed. Yeah, yeah, that was the way. That was for you, too, you. Know? All right, so when I started at. Catch, and. The first of all, I'm talking 82, I did. I was at Rutgers and I did a show. They had this thing called Campus Comedy, and I had done stand up, and I, I don't know, I auditioned to do five minutes or they let me do five minutes. And it was, Adrian Walsh. Wow. jeez. Okay. I still have to play, though, and, and I went up and did five minutes and they said, oh, you're really funny. And I was like, I think, comics. Bill Sheff loves telling the story. And then Adrian was doing the Monday night, you know, Monday. That was the night you hung out. And I'm telling you, these shows, what did they start at, like eight they went to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nonstop. And so I would go in every Monday to hang out. I really thought she was going to put me on, but she never really got. Yeah. But I it was like I was watching like Larry David Ronnie Shanks do you remember right. Yes. Yes. He was so funny and and I remember I still can't wait for that. And I remember like I was seeing people that I saw on TV. You know Johnny or Dave and, and you know I was 19 and I thought I'm going to be under for two years. Judy there's only like you were. So I was so fearless that I remember joy and Susie joy joy and Susie joy, joy I used to hang out with her daughter. Because she was in high school and I was really close to her age. And joy, I would want to, would go out and do sets and bring her daughter. And so Joy was a teacher. And she. Also worked. And then she worked at. Like Disney. Show and she would answer the phone. And then she kind of haphazardly started comedy. And she did stand out later. Right, right, right. Oh, this is so interesting. So there was a club downtown called comedy. I remember that story. And I was and this is how they advertised it in the newspaper. All female comedians. It's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. yeah, it's a handicap, right. And, Thursday night was the Women comics got to work together. Oh, wow. Because if there was a, if they put a woman on a show it would be one. We never got to work together. We never got to go on the road together. And so Thursday nights was when we all sort of bonded. And over the pandemic it was Bert and what's his name. who's the other guy? The guy that I don't know. There was a and this other I. Remember Bert, I don't yeah. You know. Yeah. Crazy or whatever. He was very nice. and I don't remember anyway, so we did. They did a zoom reunion. Wow. Oh, she was on there and she said if it wasn't for those Thursday nights, she would have quit doing standup. that's nice. To know that. That's. Well, it was like. There's not a battle. There was nothing. You know, they wanted us to be competitive because they set it up like that where there's going to be one of you. Is it going to be yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we were all so vastly different. Oh yeah. Way more, way much more variety than the men. Yeah. Oh yeah. and it didn't deter us from having the sisterhood. You know, it's just that we didn't get the opportunities. That's why you're in the, that's why you're in the Midnight Sisterhood. Correct. Right. That's right. But 19 is young to be like bold and going. Oh yeah, I wasn't even old enough to drink it. And then I but then I graduated and I didn't, I just took acting classes. And I was cast. And like Letterman, your exposure to stand up, you're like, what? Pinch that interest to motivate you to go. Oh, as a kid, I loved actually, Joan Rivers was a huge, sure influence on me. And I remember as a kid and Tony Fields, Me it was Roseanne, believe it or not. I remember seeing her while in college. Looking back. Post. Yes, yes, yes. There's the brilliant. She's I saw that. Yeah. And at the beginning, the show. Like all the stars. Yes, yes. a 1978 set. God, yeah. we're, Dean Martin celebrity. It was Vegas people. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and there were of Ghostbuster books were like their top. And the thing about Tony and I remember Joan, too, like, as a little girl, I would watch them and they were so inappropriate. Yeah. And so funny. And you take themselves seriously. And said stuff that was bad that you didn't say. Oh yeah. Yeah. and I remember my parents laughed at that. My parents were old when they had my, my father was born in 1916 and my mother was born in 1922. Wow. Both laughing. At the same time. At, And my grandma was born in 1896. My great grandmother was 1895. That's great. I knew that great grandma, I knew her. Yeah. Great. yeah. And I, my grandmother, until I was 25, we were very close. But, just just the fact that these generations are laughing and appreciating the same time, and I knew I wanted to be a performer and so on. My friend Howard in college dared me for Secret Santa to do stand up, and I got that first laugh. I will never forget that. it was like an out-of-body. I'm just like, looking at myself at I. I still love that feeling. I still get on the subway. I do, I work at the cellar all the time. And with my little notebook, I'm just like the other night I was like, oh my God, here I am looking at my. And it's still like when I have a new joke and I'll meet you. Yeah. I just I'm so excited. It's so what the process. I love being a standup. I now I resent. This other shit because. Oh I know and we had material. Yeah we we we still do. And it's so. Yeah I loathe about today because social media is part of it. And you have to sell your stuff as opposed to just showing up. And it's just like inundating people with stuff that, you know, except like somebody like farting or whatever, turning on a air conditioner. And then that's their post. It's just like. Yeah. And then they think they can. Do an hour. So I know. You know, it's so crazy. We were talking about this last night. Wait a second. Before I forget, where was that place where you had the first laugh? Oh, was in my. It was on it, on the floor in our lobby of my door. Oh, okay. And I had to make fun of everyone on the dorm. I had two days I didn't go to class, and I. I took it so serious. It was like this, like, and and I got that. I just remembered this feeling. I never I had never felt like that about anything. yeah. and then, you know, you go to a club and you kill like I, you know, and then it's the second time. Yeah. Yeah. this is awful. This is, this is going to be work. But I why is I love the process. Yeah. Love. Yeah. But this is the thing. You know I was talking about this with someone a few months ago. Like remember we would we have this like a bit, and then we would build upon the bit. Yeah. Yeah. Like a really long time, you know? Yeah. Like. Oh. And then, oh, I'm going to add this and then it would grow. Yeah. It would grow into 7 or 8 minutes. Yeah, sure. And I don't think people do that. No. and so many young comedians are like working on the new hour. what are you working on the next five minutes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause to us, it was like you had to be ready if you got a late night spot. Oh my God. Yeah. To have. And you had to be perfect. Yeah, I watched it. Yeah, a showcase. And someone was like, have a good day. Okay. Let me see. And they pull their phone out and I lost my mind. You're like, what are you doing? This is right. I'm. Yeah. All day. Besides remembering seven bullet points, right? Right. Yeah. I bring notes up sometimes. I remember Janine used to. Yeah, yeah. You walk on stage with her. I think. Right. I saw her in 2002. Yeah. Post 9/11. which was great. She was the first person to be like, don't let don't let the Patriots like, win. Right? Right. Brilliant. Yeah. I, I did my, my HBO special. We taped it on the same night. she she didn't care. I was I remember it was like. What was it like an hour. Did you guys did a half out, right, right. And I remember oh my God. Like I'm such a nerd. I was like, HBO is giving me a half hour and like a like I took it so me. To. 800 fucking sets tonight. Yeah, yeah. And, and and she was too cool for school. I know, like. whatever. And I'm like, why can't I be like, you know, I want to be cool. Yeah. You know, I, I was so into it, but. But she wasn't. Look at she, we both got nervous. Me and Janine, and would make me laugh. We used to do in Boston. We did Sam's. And this would make this make this made me laugh because, like, if we went to the bathroom and I said, I'd say to Janine, do you have are you going up next? Because there's no toilet paper? we. Would both like, be, you know, in there for an hour, you know, getting sick, whatever we were doing to get prepared. So. Yeah, I mean, she is, was and is very cool, but I remember that, you know, we always had nerves. You know. This was there was also this big camaraderie with Boston comics and New York comics. you know, I remember you know, and they're both major comedy towns. Yeah. I would go to Boston and the Boston comics would come to New York. Yeah. We do like a million shows. And there was definitely this back and forth and mutual respect. Yeah. Those two said. You know, Greg Fitzsimmons was on and he was saying and this is true, that when we when American comics go abroad, there isn't that like, oh, good for you or we like that. It's not that, you know, the camaraderie. It's not that friendly, especially when we were talking about bombing in Australia. But I think yeah, like it was and you and you wouldn't go up to just do anything because, you know, there are other comics that you wanted to impress. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. That is so. True. I'm a huge Joan hag I love. I was, I saw her three times. the first time I was like, oh, my God, that looks so. Before I did stand up, I was like, Holy shit, that just looks fun. but I never got to meet her. Did you ever get to cross paths or. Oh, my God. I want to know everything. Okay, so my friend Gary's here, but he's not here. Yes. Gary worked for her for many, many years. Oh, was. I mean, he sent her a caricature and she wrote back, or so he, on that first show, remember she had that daytime show, and she was the first to have, like, drag queens. On the talk show. Yes. Oh my God. Yes, yes, he did the cue cards. He did everything anyway. So I knew Joan, Gary had introduced me, and, What was that like when you meet her? it's like. First of all. For no one made me laugh like her. her like, it was, like, Yeah. the classiest, the kindest, hardest to. And the most humble. And I remember I used to say to her, Joan, what you've done, what you've done. I no, I didn't do anything. just keep your money. Keep your money. Keep. Oh, my. God. And and the fear was. That's great. That impression that, she. In the five decades she did stand up, you knew exactly where woman one stood in society. Because she was. That. Gosh, it's so. Interesting to talk about everything. Surgery. divorce. you know and her, you know, her first jokes about you gotta be pretty good, you know like. Yeah. And, and that Bill, you know, the library card joke was like, You know, You know, guys, like, put his finger up here. I'm not going to do no, man. I can put his hand up his card. Looking for your life? Yeah. No. And then, you know, you think about this whole thing where she was. Should have been the heir apparent, to Johnny. Oh, well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All those guys who Capote, you know, or or guest hosted. Yeah, yeah. All those guys. Why don't you do other things? And he never said a fucking word. Yeah. No. Yeah. Never to. And and she gets this opportunity and it's like, how dare she. Yeah. How dare she. But also I remember before that happened I and to this day I think here's the most white Nebraska guy. You sure like on him. Yeah. Thinking this short loud Jew from New York is the funniest thing. Like yeah yeah. Polar opposite. And then he, you know, her life falls apart 100%. Her husband dies of suicide and she gets on stage and talks about it. Yeah. When she died, you know, Chris Rock says she is the Mount Rushmore of comedy. Yeah. You know, I was just I was I was just thinking to like, to, you know, based on what you had said, it's like it's almost like they're the men in this industry. Men in this industry only let women get so far, you know, and then it becomes a threat or whatever it is, like when, you know, it's like there are no women on TV after 10:00 at night or whatever. It's still. And then the the, young woman who is hosting a late night show, Taylor Tomlinson. Yeah. She's not even hosting a show. Really. It's a game show. And it's just like. Yeah, it's like, yeah, because you worked on a Rosie O'Donnell show. It's like, that seems to be the only space that they give women daytime. Yeah, that like. Yeah, they think women are at home during the day. It's still this 1950s mentality. Yeah. Just watching TV women on and in her home and and yeah homemakers. Another level though because if Rosie O'Donnell wasn't out then publicly but it's same thing with like Ellen. It's like also this weird safe space where they only allow queer people to be monsters. Success. Right, Rosie? Of crazy numbers. I mean, it's crazy numbers, but in late night, there's no queer representation. Unless you're Ross because of the intern or. And you're us and you're a huge stereotype. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. About Rosie though. I worked on that channel. I was a writer producer for two. Years, but in the two years it blew up like that. Yeah. Homos and homemakers. That's it. At home. Thinking so many times when we were on the set, you know, every everyone on that staff was either like a theater nerd from high school. Yeah. Right. And I remember thinking, you know, if America knew that the their favorite show was put on a bunch of gay misfits. What would they think. Know. Yeah. And that's what it was, it was the most entertaining. And what she did for Broadway. And she always tried to bring that in. she didn't get prices right because she wanted, she said she wanted all the Barker's beauties to be like Broadway dudes. They're musical. They're never going to give that to her anyway. Yeah, right. But yeah, it's it. I've always found that interesting that there's no woman in late night like. And it's so it's infuriating. And it's all white. Guys named Jenny. she's. Yeah. I've done a lot like, you don't want to come work. You've done, like, especially, like, talk show work. But when you were starting comedy, you're talking about the camaraderie of were you just in it to see where it took you? Did you have like, I want to be in television. I want to be okay. I, I drove my second Off-Broadway show was called The Judy Show. My life is a sitcom because I was addicted to sitcoms growing up, in my life, which was, oh, my God. Mary Tyler Moore, of course. Ringtone. first I got addicted to the Brady Bunch first, and I just wanted to live there. I wanted to fucking live in that house. I wanted to crawl into my TV. You can have that house. I know, and and you know the part. Yeah. Yeah. So I love that comes. And I love variety shows, but Norman Lear not oh oh so. I met Norman Lear once and I, I couldn't believe my life. It was unreal. Right. And it was just in passing and it was like one of those there's like my heroes are Mountview Davis and Bob Carroll junior. And he was I knew them. Wow is living. Right. Yeah. But you know you think about you know at that time people watch everyone watch TV at the same time. Oh yeah. And so and he shows were so socially relevant and that's what people spoke about. And those shows would knock it on a network. Oh yeah. All in all in the family would never be out. What about what with the with the abortion episode. Yeah. The age that she was portraying. Right, right. And so and the reason that, you know, you they were able to discuss all these subversive topics was because you were so invested in them. They were a part of your family. It's people. Yeah. The Jeffersons good times. One day at a time. Like It was as if they were my family. Characters. And, I really thought I was going to be Rhoda. On a sitcom as the best friend. I really and so the show I did was about how I, you know became here I, I got on, I was on All-American girl with Margaret Cho Opening for. Her right now. Oh she's the first I did not I will I didn't know you were on American Girl. Oh, yeah, because I watched that in real time, I watched that. Oh. Yeah? Yeah, I was the top, I was gigantic, I read, okay, right. and I came here and, I did that show, and then we all got fired. And then I did another show on UPN called Blame It on Ernie. I got I got another show right away, and I was I was so stupid that I'm like, is that good? And you're like, oh my God, he's that good. and, but I really thought that I'm going to be a character on a sitcom. And I remember, you know, it was the funniest, you know, like, people at when we started, people were literally because Roseanne got this. Yeah, yeah. And so every, every comic mostly now, their entire act was geared toward, towards getting a development deal so they would rewrite their act. So it was like a treatment for a sitcom like I did for my parents and my grandma across the street, and my father and the garbage man. Whatever they're like listing all the cast. Members. Right. So that was is exactly what they did. And, a lot of us didn't do that. We just wanted to be comics, which was stupid. But anyway, and so I'm, I'm one of the only comics that never got the deal. I never did. You never did. Know. Most everyone. But that was. It was the 10 million. It was the. Yes. Yes, yes. All right. Well, it what I'm saying is I never got that development. That thing. And, when I was here, my ex, who's the mother of my my two children, she got pregnant, and she said, we you have to have Judy la or New York. I was only in LA for work. Yeah, I wanted my kids to grow up in New York. where I'm from. my mother was. I grew up in New Jersey, but my mother grew up, in Manhattan and was always like, I just wish I could have brought you guys up in New York. because it would have had snow. And, you know, like you're weird. There's someone we were. There's. Oh, I know. What I used to tell my kids. If anyone has anyone bullying anyone at school, you stand there like no one bullies. yeah. that's so great. I came back and, and my agents were really mad. And I came back to New York in 1996, I guess, my place in L.A.. Henry was born my older, And I came out of the closet. Yeah. I couldn't not do material about my family. Yeah. I say on my show and it's true that I came out because of my son, but it was precisely because of him that it made it easier for me to come out because people were more. I was in industry clubs, and people were more apt to be, able to hear about, you know, being a gay parent rather than, figuring my girlfriend. Right. But I still had a lot of blowback, and it had a huge effect on my career. Can we talk about that before you came out? What I need to know what is fingering. Laura, it's a medical exam. What are you talking. You just said I'm fingering my girlfriend. In the first two weeks I wrote, I was like, don't call me gay. I just finger men more than I finger women. So call that whatever. You don't know what fingering I do. I do know, I just, I just picture it. It does nothing for me. Picture of you drunk. Okay. what were you prior to that? Were you. Like, where. you know, it was so interesting because it was because if you look at my special in 94, 95, I'm dabbling. And I started working in Provincetown. Everyone's like, what? And I was told about my lesbian roommates, and I was. I was very adjacent. But was it conscious or were I didn't have material. I didn't feel comfortable yet. it was really a process. Yeah. you probably were by, though in the beginning. You used to date guys, right? No, I feel like it's just. I didn't college, I dated a guy, and I. I swear to God, having sex was the most unnatural thing. my my body would tighten up like, I was like, oh, I hate this. And for being with a female, so. Wait, is I. Like a Kinsey? I love mad, no, I love, you know, when I have straight sons. You know, guys, I had always had straight guy friends and gay guy friend. You know, I'm definitely a boy, mom. but, yeah, no, I didn't do That, sorry to get to it, so. But, yeah, it's like you said. Having your first son made it easier for you to come out for you audiences or for you or both. I think it was for both. Because you have a child and you see how the world treats you. and it's like your kid has no idea that you're different. And the thing was, I thought to myself, what? What kind of mother would I be if I am doing my job? Which is true. Act was based on truth. I wasn't like a character or whatever, you know, and not and just being like we don't talk about this. I'm, he was proud of his family. I was proud of my family. And I just became this militant like in your face I'm gay. Yeah. And who the fuck are you to tell me I can't? My family is different than your family is not equal to your. And it really that was really the impetus. But I had been playing with how am I going to talk about this. Yeah. Because I really have any material about my relationship with them. Yes. Yeah. what was the blowback you experienced? Oh my God. well, audiences, you could definitely feel the audience like a lot of people would come see me because they, you know, they had seen me on HBO or whatever. And then I would do, a show and I'd say I'm gay. And it was like. You could feel the people at the. Bottom. Yeah. The shit. Like, did you hear? Yeah, yeah. Do you get one of these? Yeah, yeah, like a shocker. Would you betray the show? Okay. No, I really believe people would say shit. but the greatest part, was I remember one time we were in Houston and I had this whole bit about how all these people can get married, and I can't get married, like American Lyle Menendez. They cannot. They got married. In Paris right there. Man from prison. Oh, God. Right, right. Mary. Mary Gail, the turn out to marry her fucking 12 year old. Know I'm Jerry Sandusky can molest a thousand women, but he has more rights than. Yeah, more rights than me. Yeah. And, and so I was like, it was really a big, huge part of, of my became a huge part of my act. And, you know, I always talked about my mother. She was so fucking hilarious. But, and that is what really shifted everything, for me and I just, I don't know, I couldn't, I couldn't stop. So one time I said this, this guy's waiting for me after the show. He looks like, you know, we're just here. White supremacist. Yeah. And he's like, I just wanted to say, I never understood, he was in the army, was served, and I don't know where, but he said, I, I now understand, like, gay people want to get married. And I was like that. This is the power. Wow. Now the letters I get and these 30 year old kids, I was I would go in my basement and I was like, who is this woman who's a big lesbian talking about having a fam like, helps kids, you know, and so that to me, the fact that I have no money, I love it, but that is. Just knowing that I didn't. I mean, I kind of waited. I don't know, it's not. It was a funny because I used to be. I used to do everything just to host every every gay thing, invited to everything. And now no one invites me to anything. Wait. All these famous people started coming. Out after the. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh. Who are you? Yeah. Robin Roberts, you know, who are you? I think we have, you know, this one or that one. And so, I have a shitload of awards from, like, the early aughts. Yeah. you know, Gay award for this and the latter work for that and all this stuff. And now it's like, yeah, it's so fun to watch these, these trans people, these non like, they get on to nothing. Nothing. Not even not. And it's like do you understand like Bob Smith remember my friend Bob Smith. Okay. He was the first I don't remember I think I wait before I forget I remember you used to do this bit, which I loved when you were a kid. You you said you when you got. Well. No, you were talking about being a kid and getting taller, you know, right away, like you know, we both did. And you said that. Your mom said, oh, go out, Judy, go upstairs and put your dad's pants on now. Yeah. Was I that was. Because I used to come home. I really got bullied, like, incessantly. How tall were. You? At a six feet at 13. Oh, God. And it was like, you know, 1974, whatever. 73. Yeah, that 75. whatever, I don't know, but, and I used to like my I had a joke because my mother used to tell me they're jealous of you, and that's why they say, oh, so I say, mom, we're going to on me. And she would say, Judith, that. Don't worry about that. Jealous? If you now go upstairs and put on your father's clothes. Oh, I love Judith, I remember that. So Judith, it's true. I used to come home from school. I was the latchkey kid, and I used to put on my father's clothes because I was such a fucking les. Wow. Yeah. And I used to, like, want to be a boy. I want to be in boys clothes and then. Right. And then they would come home and I put everything back, but, That's fascinating. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever see those? their kind of drag king is. Or Katharine Hepburn? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like. Man, I love that. Now I dress, I don't wear skirts, I don't wear I'm done, I wear suits, I wear whatever the fuck I want. I don't feel comfortable, in skirts. And I never wore women's shoes, you know, like I just never felt like. And that's where I feel like I get this whole non-binary thing. I see, I see like the chair of, like if I was in high school and I look at the I, I'm nothing like their girl. Yeah. Not girly. Yeah. I'm like in the. Middle I so that's how I feel. Yeah. What is. That. I sometimes if I'm putting on a, if I'm putting on a skirt or you know, for stockings or something, I think, am I getting away with it. I honestly think that. Yeah. Like I'm putting like I feel like I'm getting dressed in drag. Like now I'm dressed like a mechanic. Yeah, yeah. You look great. I know, but I just I always feel like. I always feel like, oh no, no. Everybody's like, oh, she was the hottest. Everyone fucking loved her Oh, get out. Shut up, Laura, I swear to God. All right. And also it's. And she was funny. Yeah. That dark. Yeah. And it was the dark. And it was like she was fucking too cool for school. And she was nice, like she wasn't a cunt. So. Yeah. I want to call my special. I wasn't a cunt. So you've done a bunch of specials, but you are like a serious writer. You talk about the second you're doing. Yeah. Plays and standup. Okay. Yes, I can say that when it comes to the comedian. Fantastic. Did you ever know I was a political writer? Yeah, I know. She had one of her books. Was my. I can't say that, can she? That's like one of my favorite books is whenever you're reading. Yes. I can't say no. so I ha, did write it and then it came out during the pandemic because that's my fucking that's my hair. Wow. when we did, the show, one person show about it last year, but, yeah. that, like, the format you like to work in? Because they're kind of hand-in-hand, like working on a set and working on a show. Do you marry the two I love? I've never wanted to be a writer. And I remember, like, remember those guy comics who were like, mediocre? Yeah. Who all became writers and I, I worked I worked with them on Roseanne and. Right. And writing with a bunch of, you know, just mediocre guys and. And, that's what they did. And I was like, I don't want to do that. I work for. Yeah, but now I'm really appreciate writing. Pamela Adlon hired me to write on, better things. Oh, great. And what got having a writing job in New York is unheard of. That's fucking amazing. What was on zoom? Because it was during the pandemic. Oh. and and then when Henry was born, Rosie said, you don't want to go on the road. Why don't you come work here? And I was only going to work after 13 weeks, but I stayed for two years. The only people that have ever supported me. One and Margaret. Yeah. Pamela. Yeah. Only people who give me opportunities and share. Right. In my little like I was like all women hands down in comedy it's like an every like straight male in particular is never. Oh no there's always some. No no I got there. I yeah I rarely yeah I was going to say I, I rarely get hired by men or women but I, I had this thing in my act that honestly if I could hire women, if I was in a position to just hire women, I would, but I just I don't have that much housework. Right. There was the. Kid. I think she's funny now. Like junior high was not how it was the 90s. Right. So it was still not safe at all. You still get your ass kicked and stuff. So. But nor did I know everything about myself. Slash. There was this other kid who I didn't know was gay two decades later, but it was after summer break when the first day of school and he in the first thing couldn't wait to talk to me about was had I watched the Rosie O'Donnell show? I was like, that was his career. Like the thing that he got to with, like, for some reason he related that to me. It was like, well, that, like, we couldn't say back because we didn't know we were right. Right. what was it like working on, like, when you work around a show, any kind of show where that that many famous people and creators are coming in is like guests and stuff? Are you enamored with that or you? was the human interest producer I brought all the real people on. Oh, okay. And it was hard. I had to find, you know, Rosie would be like, this cab driver, give me a piece of gum last night. Apparently, he gives a piece of gum to every one of his writers behind him. It was like, what I liked about being the human interest is like, I knew. Rosie, you have to write it in their voice. But I knew that her, her, interactions with regular people was really what, you know, people love. I mean, they love the celebrities because she was always a fan, right? but it was that that those interactions with with regular people. So I would stay on, I would stay on the stage, and I would write cue cards, like, ask them this. I would do these really, and pre-interview them and I'd say, but I knew her sense of humor and what would make her laugh. So, I mean, we had a kid on who was obsessed with vacuum cleaners, spelling bee champ, like, we had so many. And I went to so many schools to get kids, you know, so that I really liked, I liked writing jokes, but it was. It's a lot at 730 in the morning, jokes written. but I did like, because you could create this, this segment, you know, out of nothing. it was like doing crowd work, you know, which everyone, I know God. And the crowd work special, and I'm like, yeah. That's not material. That's not writing. I know. Yeah, it is brilliant. Interviewer Roseanne interviews Phyllis Diller, and it's like a each segment on YouTube is like ten minutes. There's six parts. and the first two parts, Phyllis is just giving it away. Right? She's know how to say hello to an audience and I'll like her background. Yeah, I interviewed her. She's amazing. I wouldn't worry about that. Yeah. Okay. What was one of the things she was like? If she's talking about being prepared and being the person who's on stage, you're the one. She's like, imagine asking the audience a question. I'm like. Yes, she didn't like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's unprofessional. Yeah, well, second husband Gary Morton's warm up back on her 70s sitcom, and it is the worst thing you've ever seen. But there are like, I do crab work. Paula Poundstone, just from on. I don't start from nothing. It's like a specific I'm in a bit. Yeah. And I see a reaction or you know, it's not like what's your name. You know, like I come from a place. Yeah. And the show was kind of revolutionary because yeah, I'm in a mike the audience. Right. You could get that. Yeah. Second part. Of it. And I think too, like when, like, when people are doing the Instagram stuff for Twitter, they set up their, their crowd work like they sometimes they also. Yeah, they'll set up. Yeah. Yeah. Punched in like it's because they have to make it go fast or they'll show the same clip of the audience laughing again like they're saying. Yeah, it's so weird. Oh my God, you're going to love this. But so it's the fucking I'm sorry. It's just it's. Annoying. All right. So, But I can't afford the quiet new ones. I have to think, though, this. Is a fucking Fitbit. Like, more than three years old. So I love this guy. Had such a great bit about that. Tom, now I'm going to space his last name, but with the Fitbit, like, he doesn't want to know how many, steps he's take and he wants to know how many he has left, which I thought was great. Yeah, I know God. So, you know, I, I have never stopped doing stand up. That was the time when I was on All American Girl. I remember that guy because we all thought it going get come a. I couldn't wait to do that, Margaret. And they used to make so much fun of me because we would have dinner together, and I got to go to the spot. I, remember Margaret Smith. she's. My favorite, and I still I. Do last year, I just the greatest. She's the reason she and Roseanne, I think, are the reason I started doing stand up, because I thought, I want to be a writer. I want to be right, you know, right, materially like them. She was really helpful to me. She's great. Helped me come out. Margaret Smith okay. so we used to be on stage, and you would. You would be engaged with the audience, and then they started getting comments and, change. it was, you know, you were really fighting like people always say what's interesting, theater and stand up, you know, in theater you, you get on stage and you have their attention. You have to keep their attention in comedy. You have to get their attention. Yeah. You know, they're nothing is you know, and there's so many distractions. And so a few years ago, three years ago I remember I was at the cellar. And I'm doing a sat and I'm like it's just like it's just like the old days. oh my God. This audience is so great and everyone's paying attention. And it was the day they implemented the no. Oh great. You they have to put their phone in a in a bath. Yeah. And I almost started crying on stage. because it was like, oh, my God, this is what it's you know, it's it's. Awful. But you know, man, I remember I used to put the women on last. It was always me and, Nancy Shane.

We had the one and the 1: 43:07

15 a.m., and I just saw Jon Stewart on this thing, and he said, yeah, I was always on last, but they thought that. No, you weren't. We were always on last. You know who does that last part now, that's oh my God. Night, David. Tell everyone on stage I was seeing a comedy. You, Grant, who was a student at NYU. he came in, and I remember he's like, oh, you know, he went on stage and he did this joke that everyone has, and it was right when everyone had to have him start talking about it. And, you know, I don't an erection. I walk by Macy's and the mannequins have their fingers down their throat, and I feel like, He's so good. and I'm like, you are so funny. You are the funniest. And still. Well, you know, he used to work at the door at the improv. Yeah, I remember, yeah, I. Camera and network. It was the entering just in that kind of like a talk show for a hot second. And his guests were Joan Rivers and David Tal and I. He, like, just like he's a little ahead of his skis. And David tells us it's like, was I used to have a show on Comedy Central, too, and just sit there and say, he's like, look at me now. he yeah, he was the first in Austin, Texas, where I'm from, and it's like a famous person's in town. Everybody knows it. And when they had a show and filmed an episode there, people were flocking. Yeah, they wanted to get. And one of the great is New York. Yeah. Oh. He's it. Yeah. I mean, people you come across the comedians or there's still people you like want to work with or like heroes that you come across in your pastor. You, like, met everybody. I pretty much know everybody. Like what? We. Oh, that's what I want to ask. Like Phyllis Diller. You. Oh, my God, I had her. There was a woman. Remember that woman? Something. First of all, there was. There were all these women. Yeah. The Lilith fair. Wow. On the Lesbos. it was, Was it women in comedy? It was in out there. So I, I did an interview with Phyllis and, I mean, she's another one I fucking loved when I was growing up, But her style of comedy one liners and the fact that she had created this, character. Yeah. you know, that her husband was bang, and she was so brilliant on so many levels. She was a concert pianist, and she was, I guess. Yeah, she made paintings. Yeah. I actually. and she had the way she did stand up. She didn't talk to the audience. She was very prepared. And she was 37 years old when she started. Yeah. 37 years old. She her 1977 HBO special, Home Box Office Special is unreal because it's like she it's all one liners. Right. But when she starts to like, like her jokes about her mother in law, there's 3010. Right. 31 line. Right. And there's no real side. You can't meme. It's like, what's the segue from one to the other? Other than the banner topic of mother in law? So. Right. Yeah. And she doesn't blink like I. That's why I ask you to because there's like, are people have these haphazard ways of getting into comedy. I'm so interested in when people are 19 and. I was online just last night looking for a fucking 1 to 1 of I wanted to find one of Phyllis Diller was like, cigaret holders. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, like a real one. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be somewhere. Well, there, there's that. There were two that were gone like 20 years ago. And there's one that's I guess like $700. I might be speaking out of turn here, but Margaret Cho has like a portrait of Joan Rivers that is made out of all these female things owned by female comedians. Really? Yes. It's stunning, but she I think it's like Phyllis is is that like thing like. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. The portrait and it all blends. How cool. Yeah, yeah, it's really bizarre. But she, it says like Phyllis Diller on like right. Oh there are other like Moms Mabley was really funny. I remember her I don't know if she, you gotta look up. Her absolute being on. Awards. Oh no. And she's with I think Kris Kristofferson is about to give an award and she's just like fuck it. She takes her teeth out. she was hilarious. But the the really the first monologist stand up was Jean Carroll, and. Oh, you should look. You would love her. Yeah. she was really the first. And she worked with, like, Alan King and all those guys, Alan Castillejo for her. And they couldn't believe that this woman was writing this great material. The guys would, like, take her material. And she was on, at Sullivan a lot. Oh, okay. Yeah. I really wish I could. There was more like literature and like, evidence of, like, Mae West. Like plays and writing. 30s Mae West and stuff. Yeah. Like getting shut down. Right. Because I feel like she's also in that department where she was writing everything and just speaking through characters, but like funny. But it's funny because you know, I and I talked about this in my show in my but but when Phyllis was, when, Joan was in college, a friend of her, a friend of hers said, come down and, see this guy Lenny Bruce. Well, and she went down to, Oh, yeah. Yeah, she went down to see him and she said, I'm paraphrasing, but she was like, he was, on stage telling the truth, only truth and making it funny. And she said, that's because you really want to be an actress, But when she was that age, there were no female. Right to look up to. Oh right. Right. That he didn't they didn't we didn't have it. Well they did she didn't have it and we had them. And now these young fuckers don't. They don't know. You know the problem is the young people don't know anything today. There's like no link. Right. Even though you have history here. When I grew up in the 80s and 90s there was all this nostalgia for the 40s 56. Right, right. The classic era whatever all that was. So you had references coming up, whether you saw it or not. You have to rely on an algorithm to give you some accurate history. Exactly. Or especially queer relevance. It's so weird to watch people fight for something, and all of a sudden it's here and it's just like it never was a problem, right? You know, there's, a new Netflix documentary that I'm in. Yes, yes yes. Yes. Oh that's awesome. Okay. Coming out in June, June. It's going to go to the Tribeca with. Yes, yes. Oh no. Not that. Oh, it's just it's a daughter. Yeah. Well, I, my first half hour. Oh, wow. Yeah. They didn't pay to think of women who like me, so I was. Oh, that's so nice. Oh. I'm sorry. Oh, my fucking Spanish. I was I was shocked that, you know, like, just. Okay. When Mary Tyler Moore came out, even now, there aren't any single women, you know, having a sitcom, there's not just one woman, there's Roseanne. But yeah, I. Have, but that's over. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it has to be Mrs. Masel. She has to be. A single woman or. Yeah, or has to be. In the past year, everyone. Like everyone thinks that's because. What do you think of Mrs. Maisel? That I'm. Like, I have I watched it. Yeah, I did watch it. And then I realized I was watching it for the apartment. Yeah. I watched it for the close. And I, you know, they're like, what do you think? And I'm like, no one in that socioeconomic, group at that time would be doing fucking stand. Right. There. Shit. She was saying on stage, she could have never said. oh. Yeah, she would've been booed off or. Yeah, get it, get ready. You know that Joan, actually did a sit down town. and the audience didn't like her. And lot of girls left her a note that said, it was them, you know, and she. Did. You're right. They're wrong. Yeah, you're right, they're wrong. And she kept it in her bra. you know, she did her first tonight show. Amazing. Her life, which was magic. was it revival theater? And I was way in the back, and she came out as one of my favorite things ever was in Paramount Theater. I never saw her do it again, but she and I couldn't do whatever she was like. Thank you, everybody for coming. Thank you so much. for coming and paying to be at the show and to the sponsors and the front row. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. These people paid to see me. Ha ha ha. Place went nuts, and it was like she couldn't do any wrong at that, right? Yeah. On our side. Yeah. It's like cake. What it was. When was the last time I saw her? Was actually right before she died. And she was performing in P-Town, and she's like, I said, I'm coming to the first. Yeah. She's like. And she's like, God, that was me in between shows. And, And we said, we hung out with her in between shows and had a little wine and, and we're sitting there and, she's like, let's do a vine video. And I had no idea. oh, that's so funny. I want. To pause. You know, everything. We did it fine video. I think that's why I think I need to adapt in advance and, like, you know, move on with that because, yeah, she really was she whatever. You know, as I say at the end of my show that I want to go on tour, we have. To talk about. All of these people that influenced us. Phyllis, toady Joan, you know, where they would be canceled or, you know, they would be. They would not be. Well, Roseanne is canceled, pretty much, but that's her. It's because of her. Yeah. Yeah, I do think so. Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, that show was pivotal. Like. Yeah, that was that was a turning point for all of us. Yeah. Comics going, oh my God, it's possible. But she's really lost her mind. Yeah. It is sad. I heard comedy meant a lot to me. Oh, yeah. okay. So what is the show you're working on now? Or you were just so. I mean, we did a show. B.D. Wong directed it at 5959 called. Yes, I can say that. And, you know, we want to tour it, so. Yeah, that's that. And I'm still doing stand up, and, I have my podcast, which we're rebranding. Yes. We tell the story. We tell the story. Tell the story of that, Judy, about your podcast, why you why you have to rebrand. It is called Kill Me Now. I started in 2015, and it's because, as Lauren knows, I am, I get aggravated. It's everything to tan. I hate people like, but I love people, but I sell them like at the movies. Judy enters screaming. Yeah, she got out of her car. She said. I couldn't find this place. We drove around 80 fucking times. Where the hell do you. Find this place? He got here before me and I was like, where the fuck fuck this fuck. So. And what is what the fuck? Okay. And so, you, I just, I get real, I hate injustice, but I also get so aggravated at people like, because so many people are so oblivious and don't realize they're fucking ruining your day. Yeah, I'm walking, trying to get off the subway stairs and you're staring at your fucking phone like, yeah. Oh, yeah, I was talking about you. Yeah, yeah, kill me now. And I would ask at the end of my interviews, what pisses you off more than anything in the entire world? Because people, everyone gets pissed, you know, they act like they're so, you know. And now if you look up, kill me now, it's like, are you thinking of taking your own life? So it's not good. And then also with all this stuff that's going on with Jews and. Yeah, so it's terrible. So we're changing. The name to what is the new name? I haven't told anyone. Yeah. Oh, the big the big reveal okay okay. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. and you're, you're, but you're still are doing stand up live here. Oh. I love it. I think I would die if I can do. Stand up, I find it. It's the weirdest thing I've. I want to go with you. I'm sorry. Let's go. I would love to, because I'm trying. I'm really trying hard to do. To just remember on stage, like to remember 40 minutes or even half an hour. So I'm going to go with you. I'll be your opener. Okay. Great. Great. I'll just try to go. Okay. I can't yeah. That's how some people used to. Oh, I know you. Is that. You? Like, I have a car that, It would, you know, these new, new, new comics. I always thought it was at the club back home. Would always do the thing where you were the host, and they wait till the end of the night and they'd be like, hey, do you mind giving. No. that's going to kill me. The inside of my truck. They're never going to like you. Then we started. The host was the star of the show. Yeah, it was like Belzer was the host at Stand up New York. I mean, at, Catch Rising Star. Yeah, and they always made sure the host was really skilled. And now. Yeah, the most important job is, is, which is, you know, you have to start the show. You have to bring the audience back. If someone sucks, you have to deal with whatever the fuck you know. Yeah, it is the hardest job. And that's why I did it as much as possible when I first started, because I wanted to be really strong on stage and you got more station, but they now give that job to the least. Oh, yeah. it's 35 or. Yeah, at least experience. Yeah. And it's it's not good. You mentioned Richard, but they're my mom, so just a couple times out of our childhood to point out a few things that she thought was funny. At one was planes, Trains and Automobiles. One was a Gallagher special. And one day, out of the blue, she just gave me Richard Belzer book and said, I think you'll like this. Yeah. He was such a he was such a nice guy. I remember how sweet he was. Yeah. Just even. Yeah. Catch. He met my mom and I were at his book signing, and he was just really sweet about, you know, my mom was totally starstruck, and, yeah, it was great. And he made it sound like we would had work together and, you know. Oh, are you Laura? it's like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks. I know I ask a lot of questions as well, I don't. Care, I love. You, I love you, too. It's so good to see you. And, I know I'm coming with you. I'll just carry your bags. Where can people find you? On the internet? Okay. okay, so I'm at Judy Gold, Instagram fucking x, haha. W guys, you will d because I'm Jewish. Yeah. Okay. That's a really good thing right now. yeah. So at Judy Gold, what else? what's your address? What's your phone. Number? Okay. Nine. Yeah. No. what's I'm going to do? my book is. Yes, I can say that you get it anywhere. The audio book was in the New York Times. Oh. That's fantastic. On CNN. For what? Cancel culture. Oh, right. So I was MSNBC. I was in a documentary about, it's called Cancel it, about cancel culture. I'm in this new film page dead. and, it. Comes out in June. Right? Yeah. called. Outstanding. Nice. That's good. I like that, that's really good. Yeah. I'm in Provincetown all summer. I work there all summer, and I work on all the material, have a residency. I do three shows a week, and it's the great. I mean, that's fantastic. Hey, Julie. So you. Are you. When I grew up, like. I'm so mean. If you ever wondered, like, oh, I love that. I just play the other day. We're trying to start a pickleball. Yeah. They're knocking. Bullshit. Judy, are you are you full? I mean, did you do the 23 and me? And I'm not 23, I mean, but are you full, full blown Jewish? 99. Full blown. It was 99.8 announced 99.3. What happened? I don't know, I have some Sardinian and Neanderthal. What are. Neanderthal. Registers up but 99.3 and then Elisa my love has not hold on joke about her how I'm 99.8, I say down on stage and she's 99.9 because they took off 0.01% for rhinoplasty. and I I'm 50. I like to say I'm 55% Ashkenazi. No way. But I can give you a deal, maybe 50% on. Are you really. 50? Yeah. My dad's full. my dad full on, full blown. I 100% on both sides. Did you. Know that? Well, I knew my dad was. Yeah. All your life. Yeah. And you never mentioned it now. Well, you know, here's what. Well, you know my bullshit. I'm not now going to go into the next hour or whatever, but my dad was having an affair with my mother. He was married, had two kids and had an affair with my mother. But he, he his parents were, Jewish on both sides. They grew up in the Bronx. He grew up in the Bronx and and used to hang out with Buddy Hackett. Oh, God. What? I. I do that for money. What for? And, I used to go to the Catskills all the time. Oh, my God, I opened for him. Was it a girl? Singers or the Concord? Might have been the Concord. It was like at the end of. They were really trying to keep it open. Wow. And he loved me. And he comes up to me before we go on stage. We're backstage and he puts his head in my boobs. What? No, no, no. You're kidding me. Kiss. I'm like, play. Oh, my God. I wasn't out. Yeah, yeah. It's like funny. No I can't believe he put his head there. That's disgusting. Like this. And that are disgusting. Now you know what these guys? Same footage. Yeah. There's Gary Morton's opening. Whatever. Way back in the same reel. There is Buddy Hackett on set talents. I'm Loud has horrible story about a man who can only orgasm when the fire engine goes off. So he would quit anyway. He told some future story and Lucille Ball walks over and covers for kids. That's fantastic. I can't. Believe you worked. For that. I know, yeah, all those guys, Alan, like I did all of them. It's crazy. They were really nice to me. I was like two, but, like, all the stuff that goes on, like, if somebody pulled their dick out in a writers room, I don't even think I'd notice. Right? Yeah. We were talking about. How gross everybody is. Yeah. They're just. And it's because where is it in your. Yeah yeah. Yeah yeah. Yeah. Did you watch the Comeback now too. Good. Oh my god yeah. It's the comeback. It nails that. It nails a lot of stuff. In the series. It was Lisa Kudrow seriously did one. Oh. Oh right. That's right, that's right. And the second seasons ten years, literally ten years apart. the first season is all about just men. The way they act in a room. And we were so just. Okay, great. You're so. Yeah. Yeah, just. Yeah. Happy to have the fucking job. Because only one of you guys. Right? Right, right. And I. Yeah. Asshole. And yeah, I used to give them right back to them. So I got respect from that. Yeah, I that's even weirder that that's the game, you know what I mean? It's like that you have to come up to the or like reduce yourself to. Just they know you have to do that so they don't fucking do it like they used to all introduce me like you are an that's that is really tall and she's a woman. I get on stage and be like hey that was our emcee. He's male. He hasn't bathed in fucking three weeks. Has to go all in every ball. Like yeah. Just gave it back and they're like oh. And I used that literally have to say when they would say, what do you want me to say? You know, I don't know if people know that before you go on stage, the emcee says, what do you want me to say? Yeah. And I used to just say, please don't say them to all. Please don't listen to my stand up. Please don't say I'm a one. Like that's what I have to say. Yeah, that. That fucking asshole. I hate men. Me too, I are, asshole. Wow. Well, I'm so glad I'm seeing you. Okay? We all hate men. Love you. And. Oh, my God, I want what? Can I come back tomorrow? Okay, before you go, I'm going to see you. I'm going to fly out and see you. We're going to week two. I want to do. I should come visit every. I know, I know God I haven't, I haven't seen Henriette. I haven't seen anybody in New York. I went, girl I went back to New York. When was it. 2018. And I felt like it was so it was seemed like an outdoor mall now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the last time you in? Yeah. Now. Post-pandemic. Yeah. I have so. You know, I live on the Upper West Side there 10:00 at night. You cannot find anything to eat. Shit. Yeah. My favorite place is on the Upper East Side. Dude, it's an Italian restaurant on, like 77 or something. It's close to the endoscopy place that killed Joan Rivers. So every time I'm there, I have a nice lunch, and I go spit on the endoscopy place. That's great. All right. We're not. We're not going to do better than that. Yeah. Great to meet you too. I really love your cow. Thank you, thank you, thank you.