"Don't Say Range War" with David Koechner

We sit down with David Koechner to discuss road gigs, narcissism, SNL, Tipton MO, first foray into acting, Get me the Mayor!, Turkey Transport, being a father, The Naked Trucker & T-Bone and participating in your own dreams.

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@DavidKoechner
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@davidkoechner
Website:
davidkoechner.com

Cat Demon RE-EXHUMED

Exposition 7 (Pilot)

WWTWH YouTube Channel

Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laurakightlingerlives
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Daniel Webb
Twitter: @thedanielwebb
Insta: @the_danielwebb
Web: thedanielwebb.com

Transcript

0:09

it is so great to be here with a good, good friend. A man with so many talents. I'm bound to forget a few. He is a seaweed diver, a private dancer, a unlicensed auctioneer. Underwater welder. Underwater welder, actor, comic, writer, producer. Gadfly. Gadfly. the beautiful and brilliant Dave Koechner. Yay! Yay, Mr. gadfly. God bless you. Has it been. Ten years? Yes, I am 25. But always I like to say ten. I don't know is the. Thing I remember. Oh. the reading of your script. oh. Damn. 000, that was we actually, we mean that we did the, like the sketch. Did we read it to. Like, a like a stage? Oh, God. Man. Okay, I guess it must have been at least ten years ago, but Dave. Wrote a spaceship. Dave was, in, an exposition seven, which was a short, that I made. And it was based on, the movie sphere with Sharon Stone and Dustin Hoffman and Samuel L Jackson, and had so much backstory that I wrote this thing called Exposition seven, because I swear to God, like, they were looking at each other in a scene and their eyes were like, just fluttering. The lids are fluttering. Yeah. It was so much backstory. Yeah, yeah, it was a lot. Like we all met not long ago. I'd like to say that I'm shooting whatever. That movie. Yeah. Anchorman, man. Doing. Oh. Exposition seven or. But also Cat demon two. Whatever we did. Yeah. I always, you know, when I, when I meet a friend who is brilliant like Dave, I just abused their talent and put them in whatever I write and whatever I write usually doesn't go anywhere, but I at least shoot it. And so Dave is like the star of, of of so many things. Dave, do you remember, in. Well, first of all, I should say, because you're amazing, you've been on The Goldbergs and an anchor, man, I want to know what ever happened to, Steve Carell and Will Ferrell. I think they moved, to the Midwest. Okay, people. And you've got several plots of land. Okay. and. Well, Well, I shouldn't say this. Okay, I'll just. I think what. The Chinese are buying up in us at a property in the US. Okay. Need need, you know, US citizens is the front. Oh, I see, I see. That's a joke. I don't yeah, well, no. Everybody needs mineral rights. Yeah. And, you know, I think I can't claim I also think that maybe it's in SAG, it's a SAG bylaw that either Steve Carell or Will Ferrell has to be in streaming or movie every, I think. 20s maybe. I hate to get it, but I always say, Hunter Biden looks like Steve. Oh. Okay. It's not political. He's not in politics. I think he's a clarification. clarification. Makes a straw man keep throwing into the mix and for nothing to do with politics. And Dave you've been going on the road and doing doing everything. For two weeks. Wow. But kids. What do. You bring your kids with him or. You had a kid in every city. Yeah. And each week. No. The last time I brought it, I took the girls to, like, three year olds. I told them last year, if you see a city you're interested in, let me know. they chose Naples, Florida. Angela? You know, I, I've done cruise work, I've worked on cruises, and, you know, we've been places. while it's weird, it's crazy. I didn't let you finish your story. Oh, no. Wait. I want to ask you more about, you're going on the road for real for 41? Yeah. Wait, you already did. No, no. Oh, you're doing it now. Okay. You like I love touring, I love being on the road and, like, performance. I don't mind airplanes. I don't mind airports. I don't mind hotels. I think people who complain about being in a hotel are nuts. I'm like, that is the life. It's free cable. And they are, they are welcome to it. Someone's going to clean your room. and people look at you when you're in the lobby like you're important or you're stealing. But either way I like you, and I hate that room. It's like that. Wow. You don't think that. Oh, maybe that person got thrown out. I honestly think when I'm walking out into a lobby, people think I just had sex with someone. that's my number one thing I. Oh, okay. I'm like that. Kind of. Like a point of. Order. Yeah. When you walk into a hotel lobby, correct. The two things that are most present in your mind is people don't think you belong there. Yes. Or they want to have sex. With you because I didn't earn it. And I can't. Say that you. I think so, yeah. See, here's the problem with my narcissism is I think that I'm so comprehensive 360 that I haven't sought therapy. You think you're a narcissist? I don't think I'm a narcissist, but every time I watch an interview about narcissism, I think about me. I'll tell you, a narcissist never declares that that that they have anything wrong with them. Oh, really? You're not in. Oh, okay. In first the narcissist. Just you. Oh, great. Okay. You're often anywhere other than ourselves. For our definition. I guess because you have to, you feel like there is a role to play somewhere in this world. For who? for my own personal, I guess, validation to be at the table. All right. put it that way. Yeah. I love that. Okay. also, just, I guess for proof. Proof of life. Proof or approval. I mean, I don't think at this point I'm 42. Right? So if I'm already like, I don't think approval is something I think I seek other than superficial. Good. It doesn't cross your mind. Yeah. That's great. have you always been so therapeutically minded? When did you start taking getting therapy? probably lives in New York. Oh, really? So that early on. Yeah. Yeah, sure. You're doing a television show that is, I'm not structured or there is no. Oh, boy, I think I know what you mean, because I have some, leftover, anxiety and And you think you're invited to this party, and someone's going to go, here's how this works. Yeah. And that does not Yeah. The very simplest thing I was saying, by the way, here's how this job works. No one. Yeah, we were both on Saturday Night Live. That's correct. And yeah, really for how long? At one season. I think, we might need to have, an anonymous group, but that's not anonymous like that. The survivors of SNL, because it really, it lingers. It's like something that you get excited about, you're in the midst of, and then it's like, oh, this is bad. I thought, and I've talked about this before. When I was there, I thought Fred Wolfe was going to stuff me in a locker. It was so just all, And Adam Sandler threatened to punch me in the face and, yes, yes. We need to talk about it. A little here and there. What was your abuse there? Because everybody thinks SNL is going to be the gateway, but isn't big. Great. Tell me what the worst part was. my contract not being. Oh, okay. I had a great season. I had multiple recurring. You were the fop, you were fop. I had the first breakout characters that they couldn't attend to and didn't understand what they were. so the facts were, so I the year before, I was looking at the Chicago Tribune and there was the musical fake. Oh, okay. And so the guy playing fake, it must have been the tallest person in the cast. and he was standing behind everybody doing this. Taking focus from the back and, and oh, I thought, oh, have you seen my fake. I know my, it's a delightful show. You play fake. Anyway. Taking focus from the back, that's got to be. Yeah okay. That's amazing. So I had Martin McKinney said I think I have a companion for that. okay. Right. So we did that as these foreign persons not caught. oh okay. Big difference. Okay. What a courtesans one. to move up. Oh, to move up. That would have given us something to do. Oh, this is your you just powdering and and it was dry, right? It's just a string of jokes. Okay? No point. Oh, okay. I could figure it out. the simplest thing is let's design what these characters want. we were thrown in, to cold opens with no purpose other than a string. oh. it was always phony, But the phony is a, you know, device to put the power people at ease. Yeah. move past them. Got it. But I didn't realize that until I got off the shelf. Yeah, I realized later what should have happened was you go from place to place to place. Then the goal would have been to talk to the head writer. Right. Other writers, and then the people that run the cameras, and then Lorne's assistant, then Lorne, and then whoever's head of the network, had of was Jim. No, no. GE on it owned NBC. Oh, right. Right, right. That would have been the goal. Sure. Sure. But nobody tells you that. Nobody there is no. there was no structure. And Lorne, I think he really, he got such a thrill. I think he was not never happier than when people were at odds. He thought. I maybe thought that brought out a performance or whatever, but, Yeah, it was just. I remember, like, I remember going to his office and asking him a question about writing and that. Yes. Yes, please. How long do you have to wait? just knocked on the door, because I was so angry, and he kind of. Then he didn't have anybody to guard him. I sometimes I call him the Cowardly Canadian. He had no ID and then. So he had to know. Okay, well, I'll, Yeah, I'll look into it. it was there. It was just. No, there was never, never. There was. Something. That's a shut door policy for sure. That's broad like. Yeah. Well, I mean, and I remember there's a time when, let's see, Dana Carvey was, was, a guest and, Mike Myers wanted to do, Wayne's World. And and he was asking Lorne about it, and Lorne gave him this much of a thing. I remember this so clearly because I think I went on antidepressants the next day. I I've got to be on meds like everybody else here. But it Lorne gave him like and you know and Mike Myers was pretty big then and he gave him this much of a crap crack in the door. And when. He opened the door that yeah. Yeah, yeah to Mike Myers because this is like 1 or 2 in the morning whenever he's writing because, you know. They're that. Late. Yeah. He said he doesn't, you know, he want he goes, this is inconceivable. Everybody wants to see where Wayne's World, you know. And so, like he's near tears and Lorne wouldn't open the door all the way. And that's when I started taking, meds. But, out of the it was just, you know, there, I think there is no, no real like, empathy or compassion towards anybody there, just like. You know, comes from the top. Yeah. I just realized. In our conversation. Lorne on purpose doesn't give structure. Yeah. So chaos. Like figure. And, I mean, what can he do exactly? Easily criticizing. Yeah. Yeah, it's. Not my. Mess. Because if he actually had structure and gave will notes, he could be wrong. Exactly. Boy, that's really smart. And do you know that his name is on as a writer on every show? Well, yeah. Well like Yeah, yeah. And but okay, so in that moment, because I feel like that show is enviable and I don't think people realize the inner workings, that it's that competitive and that again, like, I would definitely say no. And I thought, damn, I thought it was going to be well, everybody warned me. Everybody said because I was writing on the Roseanne, they said, they said, you're going to be miserable. It's sexist. It's don't go, don't go. Just keep building your writing resume. And I went for the dumbest reason. I went because I used to watch with my mom and, I just thought, well, I'll be I'll be angry at myself if I didn't take take a chance. You followed your heart. Stupid, stupid. Oh, my heart. I don't know. Yeah. I just thought regret not going. I don't know for sure. Good job for free, mom. Did you do it for your mom. A little bit, yeah. it's hard not to. Yeah. Of course. And also to be on camera versus. Because you were writing for me. Yeah, that that puts you in a different position. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I how can you say no? Because in the rest of your life you're like, what, what what would have been like. Yeah. Even if it's bad. Yeah, yeah. Well, once you make the decision, it's over. Because that's how I feel about things. I've said no to it. I never say no to. But the rare occasion I do, and I'll spend the rest of my life thinking about those things can because I feel like I made mistakes. And it's another weird tangent. You could go, you made a mistake at that time. Yeah, yeah. So make it again. Yeah. But you still. But what things are now could be different than they don't. Maybe. Yeah. But that maybe is really hard to like right now. Yeah. Yeah. It's not true. Yeah. You've got to live life now. I, I am I fucking showed up early, for Christ's sake, which I hate. I'm gonna have to. Wait a second. Okay? Dave. Dave, I have, this is something I didn't look up, and I'm not sure if you have ever told me. Did you? Do I know you're from Missouri? Big family, central Missouri. I'm one of six. Oh, okay. Where are your third? Of course, show business? Oh, okay. Me? I need some attention now. Are you out of the six? Is that a statement? So you made your brothers and sisters laugh. Oh. So annoying. You know, I was very different from my mom. I completely. Psychically. Intellectually. Temperamentally. Nothing thing. So the Catholics, what they do is in style. So you've got your you're born with your main. Man. The job of a parent. And I found essentially The job of the parent seems to allow the child to create their software. Oh. And notice it and tell them I see, how do you how do you make your software? What? Do you understand it? What makes you. Laugh? one of the things that you know about yourself that you don't have to be, agree with anybody else, those little things. Right. So you have to put in, you know something Catholics give you the software. Right. And that's the. End of it. Yeah. Yeah. No illegal. You cannot deviate. Well so were you in plays in high school and and stuff. That very small town. so there are two play. one play. You're in high school, and you get you had to go be a junior to audition. Oh, okay. Got to be in both plays, junior and senior year. Fantastic. That's not one play. One there would be. What? Play the speech and debate. let's see. It's always. You can't take it with you. No. First year was come one. Year. Speech and debate was the only other loophole. Our town. No. Yeah. What are the famous one? Charlies. And you can have argue. Okay, the second one, my senior year was barefoot in the Park. Oh, fantastic. And you were the lead role. Amazing, I love it. That's pretty. That's great. I wish I could remember the play. Was that. It wasn't. I wasn't a popular play. I like to think, okay. No big part. but every time I came on, I had one liners. Oh, bother. You know. Are you tired? That's amazing. Oh, bother. That's great. I like to think of, like. Like the movies that can't be translated to like, a community theater space. Like the snows of Kilmer. Jara. Yeah, you get em. Oh. You know what? That I know, but, Stagecoach. You know, high drama in the 65. Yeah. it can be it it. Yeah, it did, you know, it was. This is a high school auditorium. School gym. Oh, I can torium. Oh, no, there's no such thing. They're a great school gym. one we only did it two weekends probably. But a two weekend ride. Yeah. Yeah, I was going to do a podcast called get me the my I'm 49 and my brilliant idea was I will talk to them. And then I'll build a bunch of interest and then every TV show and tell, tell me about this. Give me the mayor. Yeah. Well it wasn't that one friend. So I went production partner and we always had to hire someone on the ground, bought a bunch of this stuff, podcast stuff, and I would spend six hours a day interviewing, the mayor on one day, and then we would hit 1 or 2 local big businesses. And I'd be exhausted for my shows. after the 12 hours of. Oh, wow. What do you do that. Yeah. That's not a podcast. No. And what is the what is the mayor say? I don't know if I should tell anyone this, but. Well, we've been skimming off the top a little bit, and. do the mayors, how many mayors did you interview? And were they very similar? In the content? No, really. Okay. I've been there for four years and been elected for 40 years. Okay. Where? Batavia. She's this. Christ. Daniel had access to the collider. He wants to talk to you. I thought the time John Kennedy stopped in Batavia and gave a speech. Yeah, that. Can I tell you one of the scariest math teachers I ever had? Who was the only one I ever connected with? She was the meanest, sternest person you ever met. And then one day, she just waxed poetic about the day that JFK just drove through the town. And that's what gave her hope to get out of town and become an actress. And then now she's a teacher. But she told us that all of her rooms were a performance. Anyway, she, But yes, that was all. That was the biggest thing that ever made. The decision takes one decision, that's all. She. That was the biggest thing that ever happened to her was when JFK drove through the town. isn't that great, Miss Vallis? What a horrible name. Yeah. For, when your room is a classroom full of 14 year old kids and you have to stand and say, hi, my name is miss. I think I think about where I was when, when Garrett and I were stoned and driving to party, and we saw, in, in the, in that we weren't driving. We were in a lift and in the, in the headlights of the lift, we saw, somebody's legs, naked legs on top of a car, and somebody's going into those legs. We saw somebody getting fucked on a car. Yes. Oh, it wasn't an accident. No, no, no, I made it sound like an accident. No, but just where you are when you're stoned and going to a party. And do you remember that carrot? And I even remember the song that was playing. It was. No, no one. We saw it when we're all flipped out. It was, Michael Jackson's She's Out of My Life. while they're making love. Yeah. We're in two men. Oh, two men. Yes. Yeah, yeah, that's actually, I. Know it was on the front of a hood. And these in there. the first thing we saw were legs in the air. And then. Then as we got closer, we saw the other guy, and, with his pants around his ankles going, like. So they were probably move. Their presence was, be limber and be back. So you face to face as opposed to why am I assuming they always. Had is the. No, they weren't face to face. But his legs were in the air. So he was on his back. Back? Yeah. Yeah. And then the guy. 000 yeah. So that yeah, they weren't face fit. Right. Right. But like they, it's. Like the one guy was fit. 90 degree face. Face. All right. Laura sure was, and then. This covers a lot of. That. Yeah. And then I'm this person, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. See, I that is face. Did I told you. Okay. Wrong. I beg everybody's pardon. There's potential for love there. There's sure is. It was off the charts. I was so into you just now. I can't even. Say. Can we send a snapshot of that to my parents until my finally scored with a woman, it only took four decades. That's not true. I had my I had a spell in my 20s. you sure did. Wait, Laura. Okay, wait a second, Dave. Let's have. I know let's talk about. Sexuality is. I know. So you are single or are you seeing someone do this? to to to tie off the thing about. Okay, you don't need to define yourself. Oh. truly, I think I'm leaning into that way more than I used to. About, like how do I live my day to day? What do you do? Is it just good for me personally in the moment? Can help you? Yeah. I mean, what a book. Tell me, is it? Oh, go ahead, the Bible. No. Could be lost, but they don't want me. No, it's, ego is the enemy. It's called ego is the enemy. David, I love you. So when you said the Bible, I thought, what do we do. Now, man? It turned out the Stoics about the way the Stoics. Okay. Marcus Aurelius. I know that they gave the wisdom that has worked for centuries. Hey, here's something, Dave. You know, look in. We've we've all kind of been through this Covid strikes. What do you do? to stay kind of centered and happy and busy. Do you do you write or what do you do or sit in your robe? a year of the, five, 5 a.m. club. No, it's a book. But basically that says all of it. you've been reading, And get up the night before you go to bed. you write down your goals for tomorrow. the big ones, whatever. I have a set of habits you always do at 5 a.m.. What are they? Whatever works for you, right? To get your body moving. get your mind moving. At 5 a.m.. Yeah. Nothing. Unless I'm. If I'm up already. You can change it. Because you don't have kids. Yeah. That's change starts at seven okay. And it has for so long hasn't it. Oh. You trying to make me cry. Oh you need to quiet those quiet hours. Well this, this intimates that we all do. Because we all tend to have or start every day. Right. With all the distractions. Yeah. All day. We think we have to participate. Right. I like to say that you never know what it's like to not have kids till you don't have kids. Do you take trips. Yeah. I get up whenever the hell I want. I drink out of the, I drink out of the milk carton, drinks. Out of the. Toilet, I drink out of the toilet. I get stoned, I play around with Garrett and I, like, get stoned and eat barbecue potato chips until morning. No, I'm sorry. You can't do that when you have kids. I don't want. Do I feel like you're trying? No. Okay. No. But, write down the things that are important, in the morning that you intend to do in those two hours. And you give yourself two hours. Yeah, well, 5 to 7. So the world starts at seven. Correct. And when you grow on that, even. On east west coast time. Well I said I don't I'm not I'm on that time zone that I'm busy. That's why I like West Coast time because of the time at 7 a.m. the rest of the world is pretty much dealt with the day. Okay, so then it's mine for the. Fun, I know, but how do you do that, Dave? And work at night. You've been doing stand up at night. I will adjust it on the weekends. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. You were when you're on the. Road, I just started. Oh, okay. Okay, okay, Dave, it's not going to last. It is. That's fucking crazy. I'm with you. When I, I used to I, when I used to, especially in Covid, that was when I would get up early and I would you just get shit done in the first couple like hour and a half and then the rest of you have the sense of accomplishment. So then whatever you do for the rest of the day, good or bad, it's like you already accomplished. Right? Something. And so that little that itch or whatever that I wasted time happened. all of it are you're free to roam, especially as a creative person when you need quiet time or long time and all that shit for somebody to bubble up and come to you. For me personally, it's like, oh, if I didn't do my responsible things and I can't be creative, like, you start getting that weird homework, right? I didn't complete my goals. Right, or I. Didn't. You set the night before? Yeah, that are easy. Well, to me, if you have long term goals. And how can you do something to affect those every day. Right. Yeah. That's your job. That your habit. Right. Dave. Where were you 30. Years ago I know I was going to say when you were. Up here. You're a great you're a great dad to, to both of us. and just in general I can tell. But Dave, you're enlightenment. Yeah, I used to think that way. So when did you become, I didn't have the tools, and I had not done the reading for those concepts. I'm from a small town in Missouri. Yeah. What not. But no one is intellectually curious knowing that in that town even knows what those two words mean. yeah. People don't have dreams. Yeah. Yeah. Jobs. and then that church. Right. Did you grow up on a farm. No. I grew up in town of 2000 people. Okay. My father was a manufacturer of livestock trailers, specific for turkeys. Okay. Not turkey coops you put in the backyard. If you've ever seen turkeys go down the road. Yes, yes. I want to take I want to lupus back around. So nobody thought like you and your family or your parents. So then when they saw you on TV for the first time, were they like, oh, he's really got it. He's got what it takes. I don't know how I want us to be. No, Go ahead. it's a world they can't conceive. Right. So I was surprised they let me do that. well what's. What's the, what's the practical and. You're gonna teach, you're going to be a lawyer. Are you to work for a powerful person who's compromise. it was character ethics. You don't get along. Yeah. But I was always interested in politics. and my parents had to have, you know, a nature. Right? Sure. Yeah. So, but I think my interest in politics was only driven by my desire to be in front of me. Yeah, I think that's a lot of people's. Now, think about Tipton, Missouri. There's no internet. there's not a library film list. How do I become a, an actor? Right, right. There's not an I've never met. all I know is the stuff I like on television. Sure. What were you into. Comedy. Like what? Those was Abbott and Costello and Marx Brothers. Yeah. early. I didn't watch those. and then as SNL came on Monty Python and. Sctv, I. Look, I was 12, 13 there. Yeah. I'm so sad. Martin Mull is dead. You knew him, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then. Yeah. we're off topic. I'm sorry. That's your job. I assume you're the producer. that was it. we have to go tangent. Daniels. So you were watching. You like old comedy and that was what you were like. I want to be a comedian. Or you wanted to be an actor. But you bonded with your dad. Maybe watching that stuff. In a way. Oh, okay. my dad was a very hard worker. He was one of nine. he probably started working for his dad when he was four. Oh, wow. He let me wait till I was seven. Dave, was there, like a family where y'all was the whole family from Tipton for like generations. And so, My grandfather Joe Cagney out of Newark. Okay. From the Sisters of Mercy. Yeah. All we know is that his mother's name was Williams. And then they send these kids orphans on orphan trains. So he was 4 or 5. He got shipped on a train with his sister to New Orleans. And then they were transferred all over the Midwest. Yeah. Oh wow. Sister. We're not kept. Oh no. From the one place he knows somewhere else that you know who's going to tell this kid? You go. So then he's down with these people. My understanding. My grandfather, who I never met, was not a person that talked. Oh, great. So my dad said, his dad would be in drive for, like, miles, and he'd make some comment. That was insignificant. So what's that. And so you know at that time too if you couldn't have kids there's a lot of shame to it. Had no idea what sciences. Right. so No no that was Joe's. Sorry. That was Joe's dad. That guy. Yeah. And so I don't know what his upbringing was. I'm guessing it was very harsh. To work very hard. And my guess is that my great grandfather had a terrible temper. Oh no. Because there are there are stories of my grandfather chasing the kids around the house with a butcher knife. Whoa. Who's angry about something? Yeah. Wow. So I'm impressed how these kids torn away from the one thing you know. Well, it's so. Often to this place that these people, he can't assembly. But my friend's mother in Montana was bought in this in a similar way, where there was a doctor who would like spirit, if you didn't want your kid, you know, spirited away, and then someone would come and buy the baby. And she found, like, she calls it her sisters or whatever, but they're not really other kids who went through the same system because someone found literally a receipt. So, yeah. He's written on it. but her family background is like right. It starts right there with like a fucking. handwritten like dollar amount I think. And it's something like $50 or you know something crazy. But people like that existed. Yeah. You know, so my father grew up on a farm. And so my great grandfather and Yeah. And so they're eking out an existence. Right. so they're, you know, they're working all the time, seven days a week. Not make a lot of money. And, so this kid probably went to work right away. Yeah. My guess is there wasn't a lot of warmth. Or love in the house. and so now what do we have like I don't know the guy. he was able to find a wife and then had eight nine kids. Oh jeez. Yeah. And they all just worked. Yeah. All was his work. Every one of them had a business. Where was he. And then you. Say so. Your father. Well where was he in the night. he was five in the middle. Number five. Interesting. Do you think y'all shared that. Kind of like you're from big families. You have lots of siblings. You're smack in the middle. Did he relate to you more than your other siblings? You think in any way. no. Because you were that. You were that. Although I could not figure out what the fuck was wrong. What about your mom? No, she didn't get a kick out of you. My mother was an uncle. Okay. And, she was taken from her. 2000 people pass through Missouri, brought to Tipton where she knew no one. And did not particularly get along with her in-laws. Oh okay. Very vocal and complicated. And, Not interested in the dating except talking very loudly. About what? Their opinion. Yeah. Yeah. So and I got the feeling that, my dad's, my grandmother did not like that. So she was a drinker and a smoker. You know. Why not? Yeah. Six kids. Yeah. She did the books for the business. and she ironed clothes. Yeah. What was her brand. Do you remember what she likes. Right. What was it like? The reverend is a Pall Mall. Marlboro, not Marlboro. O Pall Mall. It's red and black and white, right. Oh, and there's Viceroy. Vice versa. Menthol. Oh, I have no idea, I can't remember, I. Can't believe you never smoke. I know, yeah. I know. I was even afraid to smoke a joint. I didn't smoke a joint until I was, like, 15. Really? Yeah. Those red nails, when I made up for it, I mean, it it. so, so anyway, but you're watching TV and I was an entertainment part of what, the family part. Well I was drawn to it. That was that, that interested me. Who was anyone else in the family. So that when you become like an actor, it's like. No, Dave, that's. I just don't get it. They didn't say, oh, my God, you're an Aaron Ackerman, you're on TV. I had no desire to do that type of thing. Oh. But even later on. I'm like, my brother took over my dad's business. My dad's plan was all six of us would take over the business. The turkey. okay. Yeah. Wow. And he didn't want to. Sons college. That my mother's side of the family, the downers. Had some education. Out of my mother's side of the family. Yeah. 11 children. What are the two priests? Two nuns in that family. Yeah. Catholic run Screaming. Why the. The thing about small town. Because I'm from Texas, where there's a lot of, like, religious oppression everywhere. It's in your school. All the my teachers, my parents knew them from church. Like that happen every year. Yeah. So there's. You can't misbehave or not that I felt like they would help me or anything, but there's just these weird religious parameters in a small community like that, whether you want to believe it or not, you have these weird guidelines to shame. How? Of shame. But I mean, how are you going to live your life? Why aren't you married? Bunch of kids. But you know, all those things fit into that weird shame framework like the like you said, the download. I give people this answer when people ask, ask me if I'm gonna have kids. Are you gonna have kids? Why are you interested? Yeah. Ha ha. I but you have three kids, but you have five kids. how old were you when you and your first kid? I think 36. Get married late. Okay. That's not me. But you also. Okay, so you come. You're one of six. You have five kids. On both sides. There's a lot I. Didn't tell my kids. Yeah, but that's, I'll try and make this a very short story. we got married and got pregnant immediately. Charlie came five weeks early. Charlie. And he took the uterus with him. oh. Oh, actually, I think we're towards, So then, she made it her mission to go through surrogacy and had more children. Okay. Yeah. So, on the day we did, you go to a, surrogacy agency. You give them a lot of money, and then you are matched with a surrogate. More money. And there's a 25 page contract. And in my stand up I say then I buy a small truck, fill it full of money and leave it at her house. I don't think we'll her into a very nice, freezer. And they pull eggs from her ovaries, and I guess they put them in Petri dishes. led to a mop closet. but anyway, they fertilize, but we only got 11 eggs that day, and, thankfully, yeah, because then they fertilize them. And only 17 eggs and 11 took em. Right. So we put the first three in the surrogate. They call three eight fresh. And we got our daughter Margo okay. And I'm thinking we're good. Yeah. Yes girl. Yeah. and then they froze the other eight embryos. They're embryos now. into two groups of four. Okay. Right. Okay. Spent $350 for freezing a year. Whatever. Okay. Each. No, there's not. A ball for the two. okay. For the two. There's not a Bogo for that. For the two. Whatever the people. And then, a couple years later, she wanted to do it again. I'm not going to go into the dynamics of what was happening, blah blah blah. My decision was this. I'm from the Midwest. I stood up in front of 300 people and said, I do. So I said I don't leave. I keep going. So when it came time to expand the family I didn't even give it more thought. I was like I'm here. Let's see. It's not for work anyway. it's been six years. Yeah. So that first group out when they thought about the, the, embryos will keep, reproducing or they're fragment. So the good ones put it in a surrogate twins. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. The sell by date. Expiration date. Right. I just yeah. Yeah. Twins. Yeah. That's over. so there was one last group of four embryos. And I'm like no. Yeah. No, you've compromised it enough. Yeah I mean you know you do. Yeah. You unplug the freezer. Oh you can trip over it on the way out. You know, keep them in your house. No. Oh they don't give you rights. They're not just in the garage in the third they. Make you can say they don't give you right. Visitation rights. You can't just go see the embryos when you want to. Now? I'm. Now I'm seeing all of it in a in a turkey coop being hauled somewhere. Okay. The eggs in a moment of, Weakness. And, kindness. I said, all right, let's try those last four. Oh, God almighty. It's been ten years. I mean, there's no fucking way. Why would you think that when when you had twins, when you thought it wasn't going to happen the last time is now. Okay. Thought about one viable every. That says a lot about your potency too doesn't it. Thank you. That's why it is an evaluation. Can I give you a word of advice? I want more. Yeah, give it to me. Don't look me directly in the eye. It's called. You're pregnant. I can't believe it is. Called a tubular pregnancy. Probably in your vast difference right now. Like this. He just impregnated. You. Vast difference. Have tubes. Yeah, yeah, we know about that. Because. Because it's best. Because our sexual organs in a male. Right. Because I keep promoting vasectomies. I keep saying get a vasectomy every day with my friends. Yeah. Every time we're at Lord's house after sundown, she brings up the sex. Okay, well, like during the day. No, never. Because she's. Right. So. So then to get someone to blow you. easier said than done. I'm 42 years old now. I have to pay it forward. You have to blow them first at this age. Well, how much money you got? Your pocket. I wait. I just want to find out. So then you had the eve. Was the last baby. And why couldn't. Why didn't you say? Look, you know, it's not it's not murder. It's not. it would take me three days to go through. Okay. You're right. Okay, I'm not going to say anything bad. About a person. Okay. But, it was easier to steal on. What the hell? I'm here, I'm here. I'm never leaving. Well maybe this will be a better day tomorrow. Every day you see yourself what. It's going to be better. Well So, Dave, right now you're starting life again. You're divorced. are you on the dating scene? I dated a girl for three and a half years, and. Okay. so aren't you kind of. Do you feel like. Wow. You're kind of reliving. I don't know what you 20s or like. Now you can date and kind of have fun, and you don't have. And your kids are older, so you don't have as much responsibility or. Well, I'm on on tour 40 weekends a year. Okay? I'm not a guy that. Jesus girls. I just For what. For what. You could I know but here's my one problem. Okay. So what do you, what do you want to chase a girl for. I. Mean sex. Yeah. First thing I think so. Sorry. You're not thinking, what happens after sex. Correct. Are we supposed. Right. You have a responsibility to do that. Human being. Because when you put yourself inside a woman's body. She allowed you in her body. That's a big agreement is she's not having sex. You are. Because most likely you didn't have the romance. The person has sex right. They have an experience. It's different. Yes they have. They have a ride home at best. But they have an experience. That's right. I think the shocking thing about like gay hookup lifestyle is that you can walk in the door, have sex with the man and leave perfect. Without saying it. Is that perfect. Yeah. Without even saying a word. What's the. Difference. Yeah. I feel like there's the responsibility. Procreation. Right, right. There is no procreate, procreation and male sex. Correct. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, there is no responsibility afterwards. So, Dave, are you still a Catholic? Someone has to take the quiche out of the oven. I don't practice. Okay. Fantastic one, I guess. Could argue if you're baptized. Okay. because you have daughters, I. I will assume you're pro-choice. Of course. Oh, goody. Yeah. How does that go when you. I mean, I don't know, because, like. I'm left with Karl Marx. Okay. When you have kids, you go through a thing and you come from a crazy religious background and you're like. Oh, isn't that crazy? I ended it. well, what do you come? Yeah. Religious background. and you have kids? Are you like, I want to keep them as far away from that. I want to expose them to like, what is that? And good. Cheap private school in LA is Catholic school. So that I would have a conversation. This is an answer to a test, You have to give that answer. we can talk about whether or not we take it as truth. We can have it as a discussion. Right. But it's so boring. It doesn't stay with you anyway. Right. Cause and because we didn't go to church all the time and I never force them to go to confession. They were relieved of the shame of you know. Can we talk briefly about naked first of all three legged dog and then naked truck, two legged dog and two headed dog. I like three legged dog better a little bit. You're always nice. You're a man. You ever meet a dog? They're always nice, you know? And, to have a dog and. Nick. T-Bone. Nick. Nick a trucker. what was it? Naked trucker and T-Bone. you and Dave Allen. You you toured a little bit as a group. No, you're just here. Just in California. Okay. And are you still in touch or not? I, I called you on his birthday. okay. You know, we had the the brief eight episode season on Comedy Central. Oh, okay. It was. Very compromised. It wasn't our vision. It was theirs. they didn't know what it was. I've been doing it nine years at that point. And I thought, well, this is it. I, you know I can't. Yeah. If they're not going to listen to me, you know it's been well our show should have been. like storytellers real storytellers on VH1 behind the music. Oh yeah. Come out and you have a song. Right. And the rest of the episode is telling stories about that. Oh, that's. Yeah. Right, right. Because our songs are all tales. Yeah. But they wanted it to be, mention, we literally would go out, post the show, throw it to sketches, sketch it. Yeah. Can you talk about that for a second? Especially like the, there's no road map to fame, and there's no road map to, like, show business. But even creatively, when you get a TV show that's yours and it's like it's your vision, but there's all these other people that are going to curtail, car off, reshape, rename every aspect of that. What is that like for a performer when you it's your creation, but someone else totally has the keys of the car to change it. Like what does that like? Very frustrating. And but yeah, but you don't want to lose the opportunity. It's not like you wanna just do it. Yeah, right. So when you see the product at the end of it and you watch something like that and you can say it was not our vision. The show still would have worked had they not promoted it as I said, don't you dare call this blue color television. my character would reference, Noam Chomsky on the show. Yeah. Dave. And we would talk about that again. Yeah. you know, our our show was, a disguise in some ways. Oh, you think you are talking to a couple of hillbillies? Yeah, but they're smarter than you. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about, politics in a way that doesn't come across as politics. We're talking about the way we all think. At the same time, we've got this ridiculous relationship. Who's the straight man? Was the comic. Yeah. The naked trucker's the straight man. In a way. So it was a very unique, duel. Right. And you said, don't put us in the same group as Jeff Foxworthy and the. Other dare, advertisers when we rolled out as blue collar comedy. Because that was what was what? That tells your audience. Oh, right. Look at it. Totally. Yeah, they called it Roadhouse. Come. Oh, my God, that makes even less sense. Without consulting anyone. Yeah. Wow. It clearly means same thing. Yeah. Oh, was all that because the blue collar tour, all that shit was going on at the same time, right? So they were trying to. Previously. Capitalize on that. they're trying to get into that demographic because it was. So they never had one conversation with us. Yeah. And at that point it's filmed and done and dusted. And then it just turns into this other thing, because you've been in a zillion movies, you've been on a lot of TV shows, there's usually a director or a script and all this stuff that you just you do what you're there to do and work with everybody. But when it's your own thing. Yeah. That someone had said, hey, we want to work with you on it. Like how how did you learn to, I guess, compromise or have you learned to call. You saying they want to work with you on it? Like, okay, so you have you sold the show. You know that that statement's important. No. They don't want to work with you. Yeah. Yeah. They're talking about budgets you know. Yeah. And these people felt like they always had to give. Oh my God. Yeah. No concept of what the show was. Because there was no vision other than you do this and this and this. Yeah I want stuff. Tell me everybody has to put their stink on it. Yes. Because otherwise or otherwise they're not to I would say a statement So we would shoot these interstitials in the, in the cab of the truck. You know, Gerald's always bothering trucker. And trucker thinks it's his mission to make sure this guy doesn't get in trouble. Yeah. Why else would he have me like. So we're driving. Just filming a little thing. Trucker. Remember that range war between the Hatfields and McCoys? Yeah. Which side of you all. I'm. I'm not on a side, but, I mean, just for Tom because, And he said, well, I'm wearing a hat, so I guess Hatfields. I would give them a ridiculous. What word bothered you where you couldn't get through the understanding of what I was talking about. Interstitial. That was before. No. There is nothing in there that everyone could understand. Absolutely everything. don't say for what. Don't say range for. is something that pissed me off. And to this day. You just you picked a word up. No. Yeah. To objective. Yeah. Range war is older than you. Oh my God I had I pitched something to Comedy Central with Fred Armisen. We pitched this animated thing and I swear to God it looked like we were the parents that had shown up, at summer camp a week before the kids were ready. There was there was a kid at his desk, that looked like he was in a sleeping bag. There was another, this other woman, eight during this meeting or zoom meeting? Yeah. And I was just like, are we, you know, interrupting your lunch? You know, we're we're we're pitching and we, you know. And it was I was just. Yeah, it was just awful. Just these young. These young. I don't know, and it was like, you know, we got up early, was like 1030, like a little zoom meeting, but I was just like, Yeah, I had a hard time with that. But I know what you mean about if some if somebody wants to put their, you know, their stink on it, which everybody does, they want that. Yeah. And I was shocked like on the minor accomplishments of Jackie Woodman. That was my, show with Dave Punch. And we were on IFC, which I think that, Bob Goldthwait correctly calls, the, the, what is it called, the hidden o the witness protection program for shows? because they kept changing the time and everything. But anyway. So so then anyway, we, it was the minor accomplishments of Jackie and the and the and the one of the executive producers had wanted to flash minor. So you knew it was a joke. yeah. And so when if you see it, it's on Amazon. Now, if you see it that's flashed and it's there. And I had a big argument, I said, let's just let let it be that it's, it's, you know, maybe she's proud of these accomplishments that are minor. And that's what it is. You don't have to like, And then finally. No, the statement minor accounting. Right. And so finally, I said, just in case, let's put it on a baboon's ass. and have it unzipped. Yeah. How are you? But, like, because you've been in the business for a really long time, how do you not get over moments like that? But how do you let that inform you how you trust other people to work with creatively? Do you want to sell the project again, or does it stop you from wanting to give your ideas to something like Viacom, where they can have such a hand in the outcome? But it comes down, by the way. Was that, Paramount becomes almost over? Yeah. Oh it. Is. Yeah. It's been there 40 days. Well, here's. The, the the which is strong. Isn't that huge? Really fast, but that's like a paradigm shift. That's right. Yeah. Okay. You know, they can't make the traditional money. So when you, we are at a crossroads, in my opinion, in showbiz. Okay. So, I don't have any interest in trying to seek out relationships with other producers from studios. Yeah. There you go. Going five years. Yeah. Yeah. We will the actors will be gone in five years. Yeah. And so will they. Yeah. So at to scale though. What can you control. Stand up. My diet. Live. Yeah. They can't take life. What else can you do. Live. Where do you think you're right now. So what we can do is participate in our fucking dream. Yeah. This is all I can control. Right. But he wrote a book I guess he's been doing a lot of interviews. And he said you don't do it for the audience. You have to do it for you. Might not as an ego thing. Here's my thing. You like it. What's the point of making art if you're not going to share it. Yeah. What do you share. Yes. Yeah. But I'm not going to I can't corrupt it. What's the thought of. Well they like it. Yeah. All right, check. Where are you going to be? We need to we need to get your dates so that next. Week in Saint Louis, Missouri, at the Funny Bone. Fantastic. did a week or two later, Alabama stardom. Yeah. I don't even recognize the name Alabama. I've never been there. I was, I played there for the first time this year, a different town. Oh I should have that at the ready. Should I do? Well, you know what we'll do. Well, where do people go to assistant. We also have to do, Instagram. David k o e c h and er, yes, I realize it's a mispronunciation because I come from a town of 12 that had 35 German families. how could they forget that the o e never makes the shorties? Amazing. Well, what about in my last name is Kightlinger? What is the G doing? People just, like, fall apart of trying to spell my. Because you don't pronounce the G, it's just kightlinger. and I also found out I think it was supposed to be k I see, but they used to make the G's. Okay, so it really is kicked linger, which is of course churchgoer. That works. Is it really? Yeah. And look at you, I know. Anyway. Yeah. Germans. Wow. But I'm not German now. What are you, Irish? Irish? All the way. Grandfather. We both said all the way. What? My grandfather's adopted by the Packers. I'm not a kangaroo. Last point. And then none of his cousins would accept him because he wasn't that character. No. What? That's like the Hatfields and McCoys. Remember that range war between the Hatfields and McCoys? What? I'm out. Yeah. All right, range Rover. Range, range. Good God. Grateful. This is. Grateful. No. No. I'm not grateful. Until I believe. It. I'm not grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm not grateful. I'm not grateful. my name is captain's Log to get some information or email. Right? Right. I love you to pieces. In this show for 15 minutes. I don't want it to end. I just have to go to the thing. No one had to do it again on topic. Yeah I would like to do that as a challenge. On. Topic. Yeah. We can we have to do something. I have to drink every time we're on topic. Okay. Drinks just. Oh for you. Honey. Coffee would you. Coffee. Yeah. Same thing. Clearly I've had a lot of, Okay. You're amazing. And thank you so much. So much. What a. Treat. I'm. Love you. I know, I wish I could see you more often. I know it's really fun. I mean, you two. You give me. All of you kids what we are to say. Something like. All right, every once every two months, we'll have coffee. Okay. We can do that. We have to say it once every two months. One tip. I was talking to Laura that we thank you. Oh my God, thank you, thank you, thank you. The best. That was great. Gary. How many times do I hit the fucking two?