"Tony's Ass Pocket Full of Whimsy" with Tony Camin

Laura is joined by comedian, television writer, Tony Camin. They discuss avoiding music festivals, Wisconsinite's cheese stockpiles, questionable deer hunting outfits, Tony's College Radio days, "The Marijuana-logues", working with Tommy Chong, sucking at sports and the dangers of harmonicas, saxophones and modified exhaust systems. We are very excited to announce that Tony is joining the podcast as the new co-host! All of this and more on the first episode of season two of "What We Thought Would Happen".

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Laura Kightlinger
Twitter: @KingKightlinger
Insta: @laura_kightlinger
Web: laurakightlinger.com

Tony Camin:
Twitter: @tonycamin
Insta: @tony.camin
Web: tonycamin.com

MUSIC:
Jimmy Harry
Twitter: @bonsaimammal
Insta: @thejimmyharry
Web: jimmy harry.com

Transcript

0:09

Landowner state. Wait, I got start again. Landowner. Snake milker. Lion stander and professional sleeper. One of our favorite comics. He's brilliant. And we're so lucky that he's here. Please welcome. Are you ready, everybody? Tony Camin. Yay! Yeah! Love that guy. Gotta like yourself, right, Tony? Wait. What were we talking about? Now that I've had a couple drinks. David Koechner. Yeah. Oh, I love Koechner. Oh. That's good. Now, that's a good guest. That. He's great. That's amazing. That's a sweet, sweet guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But before that, you were mentioning Coachella, that you. Oh, just got back. I'm so molly’d out! All those bands were so good. The food's so expensive. Yeah, it took a long time to get it in. I didn't go. So you don't go to Coachella and you don't go to burning Man? I haven't been to. I've been to Coachella a long time ago, and. But I don't go to prom. Have you been? No. But that leads me to believe that you have a personality or something in your life that you. Don't need to have a shower. I like I do like a shower. I'm an old guy. We like to shower and, you know. Inconvenience is a real bummer when you're old. Old man two you're like, oh, I'm inconvenient. And I think all these things are about adventure. And it'd be an inconvenience. There shouldn't be, like, a convenience fest where everybody just gets to stay home and don't do anything. And just you hundred bucks. Would you be would you be on a rascal in one of those? And that's where. It would be fun. That'd be the adventure, right? It's like, oh, right. Like a little F1 rascal races or something. Yeah. This is a good. This is a good idea, actually. Could someone write this down? Right. I'm going to write convenience confessed. Con con convenience con. Convenience con and then would you just eat, shit food all day? Also, like. Whatever's in the fridge, because you just do this from your home. It's a virtual festival. Oh, it's even more convenient than a real thing. Wait a minute. Like. But then other people would come to your house. No, you stay home. Everybody just stay home. And that's the festival. Well, why don't we just call it a Covid fest? There's no Covid. Oh, it's optional, and you have to pay me money because I'm. I'm putting it on. Because you're the producer. You get some swag, maybe, or something. Okay. Food's real expensive, even though you make it yourself. Correct. Tony. Your wife's father, which is? I shouldn't bring this up now, Jerry Kolb is also my father. That's so weird. I know I wasn't going to bring it up, but now I figure. Not bring it up. That's a biggie, I know. No, that's a real big one. Please tell me about. Can you tell me about it? I think you said it was your first date with your wife. You went to your place. Oh, my first date with my wife. We went back to her place. This is not my first day. This is about the third date. Whatever's appropriate to bring a gentleman back here. Okay. Maybe second date and, they're in, Brooklyn, and, she she in the freezer. She has a, like, a, Is it, like, a gallon, those Ziploc things? Yeah. You know, of of of orange powder, of orange cheese powder. And it's in her freezer and I'm like, you have a pill. What is this pill of orange cheese powder? And she said, oh, my dad works at the Land of Lakes Cheese Factory. And I, he sends this home with me in my suitcase when I go visit. And I thought that was so adorable and like, here's this big. And I was intimate. She was, by the way, she's a she was the editor of The Onion. I was intimidated by her, of course, but that was a real leveler. Is that. Oh, she had a she's a pound of cheese powder. And that really made her like a real gal, you know? Yeah, she's not bad. She's got a thing of cheese in her. She's not all brains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, it's funny, this is a an aside. Hopefully it's a funny aside. Interesting. Say, there's a thing, you know, when you're in Wisconsin when that came across your feed, you know, when your Wisconsin win and it says you have some you have more than six kinds of cheese in, in your fridge. Oh, okay. And she's like, that's ridiculous. I don't have, you know. And we look and we had 13 different kinds of cheese between. And we're not even that's anonymous unusual. Like I wonder how many you two have of cheese if you count like parmesan cheddar. But I think 13. Ours is more hot sauce. We might not. Really like. Seven different kinds of hot sauce. Okay, so not really cheese people. Know and. I'm 13. And then when she called her sisters and one of her sisters true had 30 kinds of. Cheese, how can there be that? There can't be there it. Is, because it would have a she went through them. I was a sandwich, incredulous. Like a. Pepper. Pepper cheese. Not just doing this for ratings. Okay. Yeah. There was a lot of like versions. There's like dips and, you know, like parmesan cheese and and blue cheese. Oh, okay. And I've been to this particular sister's house, and once she went through them, it made sense because they have like a, you know, one of those two freezer families, you know, you got the downstairs ups, big Costco people. So, so I was like, okay. And then went through another. Yeah, that added up. You know, I've seen so many horror films. I think if I opened one of those big freezers in like an in a in the basement or whatever, and there wasn't a body in it, I feel kind of like. Disappointed, like cheap, like, yeah, that's where they put the bodies. That's a body freezer because it goes this way like a coffin. Yeah. But out there they, we use a lot of do they get a lot of deer. It's a big oh you know, it's even you're even worse. What is they hanging from trees. No. When they get them to get all the blood out of them. So you know, like we go back for Thanksgiving and it's, that's the season for deer hunting. And people come from all over the country, so they. Eat deer if sometimes. But it's not good. It's like, it's awful. It's gamey. It is literally it's game. It's like I know it's venison. And then it's a big oh, everybody hates it because it's a big thing to do around there. Marshfield, Wisconsin. It's a huge like again, people in the airport when it comes. It's all the people in camouflage, you know, and they're going to get deer and so on. The hood of the trucks covered deer cars. You know, this is like your worst nightmare. If you're an animal lover. And yeah, cleaning the deer, there's a big sign on there. Walmart carcasses go around the back. I guess they have a clean shot. Well. That's a clean farm. Yeah. And it's just like, that's a big thing. And you can't bring up. I think it's really cowardly to, Oh, yeah. Yeah. I deer's big defense is, is is slowly kind of they don't they're not even that fast deer. They're beautiful and there's they. Kind of like just leap away slowly. No. They're like little pillows with beautiful legs. Yeah. Just gorgeous little thing. So you feel like a big man now that you shot off King Beautiful. All right. Yeah. And then her brother in law, you know, now down does this too. And it's so it's crazy to me. I call it different strokes. When you get to something so different than you just go different. That's the only thing you could do. Are you crazy? Yeah. He. He gets a lot. There's a lot of. There's a lot of gear. Like, man. Like the air. He does an arrow too. Oh no. And a gun. And then you get a blunt. You get your blind is your little you. He goes out there 2 a.m. sets up the this little like house. You stay and he's got a heater. He's got his beer. Oh he's got a schnapps. That sounds fun. And he just waits for hours. Right. And you're in this field with a gun. Ready? Ready. And you can't make any sound. And you have headphones. You're watching something on your maybe your pad or something the whole time, or they're. We're there for, like, you know, ten days and he goes out there like four times, doesn't catch a thing. We're like, Thank God I didn't get a deer. Yeah. You don't have to like, see that being dragged through the house or just, but that's like 20 hours of this. Also him just out there. Yeah. You know freezing. And he's you know you got nylons on and stuff underneath everything because it's like it's it's Wisconsin in November. And he has nylons. Yeah. Because they're keep you warm. They have he's a cross-dresser out there. The trans out there. I that's a different thing okay. Yeah. So it's it's it's like one of those I can't even like what a bad hobby. Yeah. Not like you're killing something. You're killing something in a day, and you put all this. You got to buy those gears. Like, geez, I played horrible guitar in my bedroom and. And not bugging anybody except the neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. So it's just like it's a crazy. It's. But what I do enjoy going out, there's like. It's so different. Yeah. In my life, it's nice to be pulled out of your bubble once in a while. You're like, oh, this is how. It is. This way. Oh, this is why Trump wins. Okay, I get it. There's there's all the stickers, you know, because as you do, we used to travel more for stand up. Now I don't do that as much. So you missed the middle part of America where all that stuff is happening. Which reminds me, this is going to be something that you were in Idlewild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I want. I want to go try that. I got to see that part of California. It's it's it's so weird because it's just up there, right? I don't know where anything is. It's on the way to palms. It's a mountain. Yeah, I while it's like you're on the way to Palm Springs and it's like Idlewild up, you know, and you just go straight up and it's like a different, like a little forest hill, a hilly village in the middle of, like, what's going to be Palm Springs, like right before Palm Springs. And it's. So that's fun. And the initiation into the tribe is what. I don't while this is just a little town. But don't you have to. It's not a cult. I. Oh, well, no, no, that's not a cult. That's just a town up and they might have some cult there, but that's just a town, okay? You don't want to talk about it at all. I'm not anything I don't know. Are you talking? I don't know what the Idlewild is. I'm just talking about the little village that's above Palm Springs. I'm doing. If they have something going. On and they're doing a lame bit. Oh. Well, they would probably spell it Idlewild with a weird like a cult do. And, because it's a small community, it's. A small community. You don't. Know what you've done when. It looks like there's a little white supremacist up there. Like the bikers go up there on the weekends. They do? Yeah, yeah. Okay. That kind of ruined. We were having a good time up there in the bikers game up there last year. It's just so loud. But it's it's a necessary evil. To what? The white supremacist. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like the possum or whatever. Like, you know, they don't look so good, but they're very beneficial to the environment. And they can't get rabies. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah. I can carry their young in a pouch. I'm like, they're cute. We have a we like I said, we have these cameras all over, mostly to catch, animals. Oh, are they talking about white supremacy? Still, we can't. One wise up room is is sneaking in there. They sometimes hide, like under the house. Under the house. Right. They like the fumes. Yeah, sure. That's funny. I wonder, do you guys know? Ever know any white supremacists? No. It's weird. How is popular now? Oh, my God, it's. I was growing up is real unpopular, you know? And I'm an old white guy. I should be having this. We're back. I think it's proving that whites aren't supreme. No. And it's just, like, weird that it's like, oh, you diversity's on the way out is illegal. Some places to be, though. Isn't that crazy? This is like a crazy world. I mean, we were saying we're going to avoid politics. This crazy world. Yeah. And white people, we should be like, enjoy. We should be like, you know what? This is good for us. Yeah. The dummies finally win. Yeah, yeah, we got it. We ran. I know, how am I how much longer? Kind of. Go on. It's like I said, there's no way anybody is going to vote for this guy when he has this kind of beef with Rosie O'Donnell. Yeah. And how wrong I was. You know, just like the Grateful Dead. Now, do you lump the Grateful Dead in with. Really? No, no, no, with the Burning Man and all that stuff. No no no. I don't really I just lump it in with something I'm not going to like. And I turned up. I was wrong about that. Wait a second. Is this a chance to put the title of this show in here? What you thought would happen? Yeah. Well, how did you wind up going if you knew you didn't like the Grateful Dead. Through, my friend Molly, she. She works at the. She looks for Live Nation and, she used to manage the punch line and knows a lot of comics. So she heard me over the years. Make fun of the Grateful Dead, and who knows? I love music, good content. We go to a lot of other shows, and she said, let's just go to one. Just go to one, you know? Go to one. Yeah. And I did. I had a great. Time, but you but you have to be high to enjoy it, right? I'm high right now. That doesn't that's that's not. You can't say that about anything. You know. You don't even have to get high before you go because it's a contact high just standing around. Like it's not the same with, you know, Jerry Garcia's a such a big thing. I didn't I saw the John Mayer version, which I thought was going to be so lame. And, you know. John Mayer, John Mayer is so lame. He was. Lame. And then this was early, and then I saw them later. And he he had he wasn't John Mayer anymore. Like, he didn't he stopped going up front and doing this little shuffle he, he met in the background. He played much more seamlessly with the band just from the years I've seen over. I almost can't watch him because he's just so handsome. No, his jaw detaches. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's a common thing with guitar like that. No, but I had I had jaw surgery. Did you have TMJ? Yeah. Really bad. And seeing him sing, I'm like, oh my God, his mouth is going to lock because of whatever that does that. Yeah, I mean that's really scary. But also I saw him at the Staples Center. He said, this is going to be my last show. I'm moving back to New York. And everybody was like going, And then I was like, go, get up, get the f*** out of here. Then you know what a weird. You know what I mean? That's one of my pet peeves. If you, you know, and like, and the people have their farewell tours and they're never like Elton John aisles, it's like, just and go, then don't get our sympathy and then stay here. Anyway, that's just me. Well, that's that's funny you say that because it's like, basically you're someone's being dramatic in a way. Yeah. And I, I find that and my wife is a big one on this too. Like you like the dramatic like online people are like announced things like, I have a big announcement tomorrow. Why don't you just say it right now or I got this thing you tease out, you know, it's a social media thing or or and is this, is this like. Or I like to say this, I'm going to be leaving. Just just leave the thing. Yeah. You know, it's just like it's a, it's a, it's a, it's like a, it's an, a little tiny element of drama. Yeah. Kind of a thing to bring. Yourself more attention. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. And it's funny that my wife just hates that. And it's him and money grab, you know, like this is the. Last one. Get it while it's hot. Yeah, it's the McRib. It's not going to be here forever. Can stand it and also when they do that, there are no words. And then there are 10,000 boring words about somebody, and, you know, there are no words. You know, size 10,000 words. Yeah. My wife would do a joke for people. She would say, oh, yeah? So you were in a restaurant. Really? Yeah. With Jon Lovitz was there. She would just throw in Jon Lovitz was there for some reason. There was, like, minor celebrity spotting. Yeah, yeah. Anybody famous? Jon Lovitz was. At the bar, you know? Yeah. Where did you grow up? Mountain view, California. That's where Google. Is. Oh, and if you don't know what Google is being, it, it's dead. Joe kills at the Microsoft Store. You guys, that's so beloved over there. Was it just kind of blue collar or. No, it was. Well, my dad was blue collar. It was blue collar. But look, it was Bay area. So it was kind of changing like it was like Stanford was just like down the street. So we had Palo Alto was like smart, rich, smart kids. And we were like the ghetto school, like kids because we had, like, a lot of Hispanic kids. Like when football teams come down, like they might get you might get beat up or bullied. And there was a lot of, like, cholo type kids and stuff. So it was kind of a rough school then, but then changed quickly, like it was deserted in the 70s and early 80s. And then once tech started coming, now it's like my mom's house is like $2 million and it's just a wow box. You know, I just went crazy. So now it's really nice and it's always been nice weather wise. Barry is beautiful. So did you perform in high school? Were you in play? Oh, I was a big, fat kid until then. I lost some weight when I was a chubby, I was like, big, fat kid. I didn't do any sports. I like music, a lot of music, friends. But that was it. No sports at all. The first time I played baseball, I was just like this little league thing. And this is an informal practice. But it was a the families came and, I hit the ball off the tee. There's a tee, you know, you hit it. And people started selling run home, run home Tony and I literally ran started running to my house. I ran past first base to the back of the school where our house was. And my dad, he was like crying and laughing at the same time. But that like the last time I played sports, I was like, it was so it because he had a whole stand in people just like. Laughing at me. And I didn't know any better, you know, because we didn't we never practiced the feeling. We don't practice, like hitting it off the thing. And that's, I should assume, I watch baseball. I was probably only going to never even watch baseball that sports. And I don't get a really a long too. Well, you. Know, man, I, was on the track team, the the track team for two seconds because it was just a volunteer type thing. And then I, was sneaking home to eat, while we were, like, practicing, and I got caught, and then that was it. I got kicked off the team. Really? Wow. So you got kicked off a Will and Grace for saying a thing, and then you get kicked off the track team for having a snack? Yeah. What is it? I can't I but I like to brew success. Or maybe you feel like, what I have to do is more important. And what they want me to do. Maybe that maybe they trust yourself more than, Well, you needed a snack. Yeah, well, the will and Grace thing that led to a much better job because I was on staff. And then I said that something was convenient to one of them. Which is so great. It's such a great term. Thank you. And it was it was it was taken as such an insult that they said, why don't you come here less and just to punch up? And it was a better. Job and I got paid more for my money. So it's just always speak your mind, gang. Now, wait a minute. No. Never tell that officer. Q what have you had to drink? Yeah. Did you play in bands and stuff in high school or. No, I was a bedroom guitar player, but I was a DJ, at the local college radio station. And that's how I met Kevin Kataoka, who is a very funny comedian. And he was doing comedy and said, oh, you should come to try comedy. So I got into comedy basically through music. Kind of, you know, it wasn't enough to me, you know, you just like, musicians want to be comedians. Comedians want to do. Yeah. Jonathan Castro, same thing. He said he was playing, in a band you always played. And then, he just started doing standup. He said that he found he had a better response with the longer interludes of talking about the song before he played it, you know, and being funny. It's funny that the banter. Yeah, yeah. Did better than the song. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know, like Andy Kindler was a musician first. Of all people, Tommy Chong was a pretty successful jazz guitarist. Yeah. Yeah. And then he toured with that. He. We were in the marijuana logs with him for a while. He was all story. Let's talk about that for a second. Can we? Sure. Now, you started it with, Doug in New York or did you do it out here? We started out here with Doug and Arj. Oh, okay. HBO workspace. Remember that little theater? Yeah. Yeah, we we like 20 minutes together. We all had some pot jokes and wrote a little bit of new stuff, you know, and then, Bruce Smith, from. And pop Doug's manager at the time today, he videotaped it and, we got it got better. We did it. We would do it like, every other month. We got a little bit and he videotaped one. And then Montreal said, yeah, can you make this 70 minutes? So it's like, oh, how cool. We never really took it serious. And of all the things you pour your heart and soul, this was kind of like, oh, that's the fun. Yeah. And, you know, we got to Montreal and then we got all these clubs, and then we got an offer to do, you know, Off-Broadway for a year. So like or for it ended up being a year. That's amazing. Yeah. Like I met my wife. I got to live it. You know, getting to live in New York on someone else's dime is like the best ad that's been a stand up comedy. Like, I get to live in New York and you're paying like this. Great. Incredible as you are. It's so fun, you know, so that. Yeah. And then then after Doug and Raj left because they had careers and I met my wife. So I wanted to stay in New York. Carol. And then. So Tommy Chong came in and I guess after prison, that was his first thing. Wow. Is coming to the matinee. And, you know, so he's he filled in for one of the guys and he would do his own things. But yeah, it was it was great hearing that voice. Just hearing that voice next. You, can't imagine. It's kind of like God's voice in the stoner world. You know, it's really just like when you're a kid. I know Cheech and Chong. Like, they're like my favorite. Them, their movies, everything was. Yeah. So he, you know, and he is a trip trippy guy. And I'm just a old hippie guy. And he's he would be talking about this authentic sweat lab at sweat lodge he goes to, and it's run by natives. And it's. Why was he was in jail for pot or for. Bongs for merchandise, like out of the Midwest somewhere. And it was some, some kind of, like, trippy thing where it's like his son was running this business, but they were threatening to put the whole family away or something if, wow, if he didn't. So he whatever, it was two years or something and he didn't. He said it wasn't horrible, but that people liked him and he said the food was the worst thing. Is this all this starch and stuff? That's such bullshit. You should go. Yeah. And look at it now. It's like times have changed and that wasn't that long ago, you know. So yeah. And he, you know, like he just has the greatest stories. You know, he's just this guy's been through it all, you know, and seen it all. But he's like, yeah I started as a jazz a jazz guitar player, you know. And he met his wife back that way back then when he was a musician. So they've been she sort of looks like a Hollywood wife, like she's got a fur coat. Oh, she's real high, you know, and she's. And maybe younger. And I thought it was use a newer well. And she met me like I'm a background musician. And I was like, wow. You know. So yeah, he's an interesting guy. So yeah, that was that was cool. Part of the marijuana and then like meeting my wife. But then that was all I kind of give credit to the marijuana love for that. Did you smoke on stage when you were doing it? No. Because it's it was still illegal, you know, and we it was a Broadway. We went you there's this whole cheers just of like, you know, all these crafts, like there's minimums and you're, you're in the Off-Broadway league now, and there's you have to do the same show every know you can. You can fool around too much, even if you're on this book and there's all these rules. So you can't really break any of these, you know, can't serve alcohol in this kind of theater and certainly couldn't smoke pot. But with, Tommy Chong left, we did a tour of big theaters and people were throwing marijuana on stage. Fence giant, giant chunks like branch mouth. And he freaked out. And he left the tour because part of his probation is he couldn't be around marijuana. And he just and it and and even though it wasn't his doing, he just got he got little. He was like this government thing over so bad, I don't even want to take any chances with this where we would be gifted marijuana. You know, we got to go to Amsterdam. Not not Tommy Chong, but, you know, we got we got to go all over the world sometimes. And people would just give us so much marijuana we couldn't even take on, planes, you know? So that was fun. But, you know, it's a it's a stage in life. You know, I think Doug still at that stage. But you can only, you know, because he was so much married long. Yeah. The first time I went to Amsterdam, I was like 23 and did stand up there. This woman and her mom, Nicole and Donna go still. You came up to me after a show and said, we really enjoyed your performance. Can we take you out for coffee? And I was like, what? Like I was some, you know, like a real performer, like a real Broadway or some performer. And I've been friends with Nicole ever since, but the amazing thing was, Nicole is Dutch and she's from Amsterdam, and, we went out one night to have pot and it wasn't that great, and she'd never smoked pot. And I realized that if you're from there, it's not a big deal to, you know, smoke pot. You know, it's not something you care about or it's not a big deal. And because it's always, you know, it's legal, there. And just like in Catholic Priest, you think, well, you know, they're boys all wrong. Maybe they get sick of, you know, molesting them. But, you know, but nope. Still going at it strong. Yeah. Thank you for letting me squeeze in that. Yeah. I had a friend, you know, Jeff Bergstrom. He used to run, Brooklyn vegan site. Now there's a great site in New York about in bands mostly. Yeah. You got bought out as I moved to Amsterdam, and, now he was doing sound for some concert hall, and I've been there like five times. You know, as I say now, it's just like, it's it's just I can't even walk down the street. The museum is three days booked out is like, whoa, I don't know. I, I tell him, like, I don't know how you do it. It's just like, you know, I like you said they they don't care about the. Yeah. It's like the Vegas Strip to Vegas. People don't care about this strip. You know, it's all the. Yeah, it's all the thing, which is weird. You know, there's like here no one cares about the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Yeah, sure. Yeah. It looks like. Shit. Yeah. It's horrible. I feel bad for tourists. You come to Los Angeles, it's like you got a shitty street and you go to Venice, and that's just garbage, you know? Like, what? Beach is just like. Yeah, you know, we don't have much to offer. I know if you think of, like, just like how they used to do the strobe lights and it's opening night at the bar. Yeah, I know it looks so bad now. It's. I call it the most depressing places. Panhandlers and people asking for my shitty sex. That is like, this is, you know. Yeah. Well, whatever. You know. And, you know, people have to pay for their stars. Yeah, I just saw it. I just heard that it's like a PR thing. I was. Stunned. It's just like your management or whatever. It's just a PR thing. You buy your own stars? Yeah, and they're $50,000. That's doable. No. 50 grand. Can you do it? Can anybody do it? Or you gotta have some kind of. There's got to be some barrier. There's a committee, I think. You know. Yeah, some. Yeah. They vote. But then because so many rich douchebags, we just have star I'm realtor of the year. Come on. Yeah. You know realtors would have a lot of stars. It's weird. Your realtor isn't a weird Joe. Yeah. When some people are like in some cultures like there's a lot of rich people around, you don't know what they do. I usually assume it's realtors or. Oh yeah. Like you go to Orange County, you just see all these rich guys, like, what do they do down here? So when when the acting doesn't work out, I think it's jewelry making, real estate, dog walking. If you're not, if you don't care about money. Yeah. But jewelry making. Yeah. Yeah. Essential oils maybe makes those. Oh hell yeah. And I feel like it's funny that, that people don't find what they are meant to do until they can't do what they want it to do. That's that's good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I realized I was meant to make jewelry out of seeds. Yeah. I mean, I came here to try and get a series. That's essential jewelry. All the benefits of essential oils. Or being a local artisan. Local artisan. I want to be a Reiki. Reiki, practitioner. That's just seems like a real grift. Because you can do it over the phone. And I keep thinking I need to be on a farm. And just because of watching everything on Reddit. Yeah, we're talking about TikTok too, about all the interspecies friendships. Yeah. And how that, that gives you a little hope in life. Who cares about the presidents disregarding the Supreme Court? Look at this golden duck playing the banjo together. Come on. You know I'm friends. You. You just get matter and it could consume you. But then that doesn't seem healthy either, you know? I mean, they're side by side on the piano. Why can't we, as Paul McCartney's one of his worst songs, says? That was a bad one. Woof. Yeah. Another black Michael Jackson get together song, right? Which is not true. Yeah, yeah. Why don't we prove it? I'm going to ask the white supremacist that's living under our house. It'd be a funny test to see. Oh, you. If you're applying to be a white supremacist to spell supremacist correctly, I bet that would weed out a lot of the people. Exactly. You know, now that the Nazis now see, you know, it. You can't spell supremacist without missed. Yeah. Racist or racist? Wait a second. Care. Is it even missed? I don't think I know how to spell it either. See, we wouldn't. That's why we are not white. That's the only reason. Yeah, the only one. We don't know how to say. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's more intriguing to me is the smart. Is the dumb, smart person like someone who's smarter than me and they're still like, wow. Yeah. How are you making these as they're not in touch with your emotions or whatever, you know? Yeah. Like Elon Musk is smarter than me. And he calls people outward and says, the guy and Thailand's a pedophile, like, he does this dumb shit. He's not smarter than you. Well, whatever. He's smart. He's an idiot. He's got a lot of money. These people who just think their opinions are just so it's like this thing is like. He has not invented anything. He's done nothing. He's thrown money. He's throwing money at stuff like he's an investor, but he's a moron. He's always been an abject moron. Like, you know, they were like, well, he's you know, he was a coder. And I was like, nope, no, no, he was, but he was not very good at. Let me ask you this. If we had sponsors or we're looking for sponsors. And he said, I'll, I'll give you $1 million. No, he wouldn't do. It. No, it's not that much any more. A million. Yeah. Okay. What if he said 10 million? Yes. Yeah. You can give it all something anti-trust. Musk can still have a little money. Yeah, I would have to give it to animals. I'd have to say yes to give it to him. Would you give more to the goat or to the duck? Well, I'd probably have to split evenly, because right now I'm really about the donkeys in Ireland. That's, Those are donkeys. Are I? I got on a donkey dive for a couple days. A couple of years ago, we went to this village in Mexico that doesn't have cars. And the mules do all this work, and they're carrying all the stuff, and they're just gorgeous and tired of guys talking about them over there. Like they like to be in pairs and, and how smart they are and stuff and donkeys and wheels and donkey, you know, and, burros, different. And I was just fascinated by these little horses and how they're so smart. You know, most animals are very smart. They're just smart at what they need to be smart at, you know, because you look up, is this what you look Google anymore? Is there are they smart? And almost always the answer is yes. Side by side on the past. Why can't birds and donkeys get along? They do get. Along. Other do? Oh, okay. Animals get along so much better than people do. Well, they also do eat each other. So chimpanzees are not that. Yeah. They're rascally. Yeah, but you know, animals eat each other a lot. Do they do. Oh I see it, I see it. Oh I see I saw a hawk pick up a cat the other day. Oh no no no. Hey look, it got off. It did. Yeah. It was heavy for at the next up. Yeah. I was. Just over there. Just take me over there and. Yeah, yeah. The. Wait a minute. I don't trust you. This saves me so much time. Yeah. So, Yeah. Animals. You know, it's nature's beautiful and horrible. There's no, there's it's not, there's no. You can say. Oh, it's cute. Yeah. It's also one of my area, you know, the other one. I know I oh, I saw, something, you know, one of the many things I wish I hadn't seen. It was just a ram with the head of another ram on its horns. Oh, I saw that. Then it's like, guess who won? Oh, my God. I saw that. Who's that sound of just ram's horns? Locking is so violent. Yeah. It's really incredible, though. I think I had that happen with another person. I was drunk and he was drunk, and we clung to each other's skulls and fell on the stairs, and that was the only thing that came close. And where is that? I'm still talking. Yeah. And he thought we had a concussion. He thought he had a concussion. And I said, I bet we're both dead because I don't, I'm not very, sensitive, I guess. And you were weak. Was that what you did? No, no, no, I said we probably will be. And then I wound up having a brain aneurysm. I thought maybe I could do one without talking about it. I'm done. Now I get into it. What is it? And what is an aneurysm? Because you always were bleeding. Some bleeding back. Yeah, right. And you don't want to go to sleep. That's the thing you don't do, right? Oh, yeah. She slept for like, three days and would not let me take her to the emergency. And my. And my brain was bleeding all the time. It's when a vessel pops. I had what's called a berry aneurysm, and. And it's like, you see this vein, you know, and they show you on the X-ray, and then it's got a bubble in it. And that berry, the. Yeah, and the pops. And then that could lead to death. Death if the blood goes a certain way or if a length of time happens or anything. A lot of it depends on where it is. So mine was intracranial. And then did that affect you going forward at all, do you feel. I think so now, like, this is the most fun I've ever had on a podcast, the most lucid I've been. And I think it's because you're so smart and funny. But no, I think of a lot of, like, I had this Norman Lear. Yeah. And you just triggered it. Know, I feel like I'm getting another berry now. I'm sorry I was eating an olive. The I had a picture and yesterday and started stuttering so badly than I thought I would. I think it's my aneurysm, you know, like, I'm not fully recovered. And how long ago was the aneurysm? Four years ago. That's. That's recent, I think. Right. Yeah. And. No, that's. No. And you know what it is now I feel like it isn't that if anything, I'm smarter. I play piano better than I ever have. I've. I've recently, picked up the mandolin, and I'm just can play it. I don't know why. But the thing is, I think I've got the worst and anxiety I've ever had. We were talking a little bit about that. I mean, maybe it's because of pandemic. It's a thing amongst mandolin players. You think they have high anxiety? Oh. Maybe. Maybe I should just stop. Maybe, or monetize it. Getting a bluegrass, getting the bluegrass band. I think they use. That that some of that might lead to harmonica, which I will not. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. My my harmonica bums me out when somebody comes out with a harmonica. You know, one of the whole, like, they have the whole. Little apparatus thing where I'm going to play guitar and, and do a little harmonica. That reminds me of somebody, like, with a coming out with a neck brace. It's like, okay, I feel sorry for you, but I'm going to have to sit through. It was a white guy harmonica. Yeah, it's Bob Dylan. Harmonica. I usually with Bob Dylan. Yeah, my mom and he always see him with this thing. And then it's like. And it's the worst. Harmonica. I like Bob Dylan, but yeah, Monica's just like when I her. It's not. So unnecessary. It says Peter Frampton. Yeah, yeah, it's once in a while. I like it when it kind of emulates a, imitates a, like an accordion. I'll be, like, real slow and like, like, but it's not a pleasant. It's saxophones bad. Two guys, a. 100%. Saxophones. But I like that, sir. I love starting size, weight. Wait, way. Like it's like last night out. It's like what it is. Is this is it from. Oh, my God, I feel like I can't listen to that without, thinking about SNL. And it really bums me. Or any comedy show. We did it in like 80s or 90s headlines. It's crazy comedy night, you know, it's so horrible. Caroline's like, he's like saxophone is associated with, like, a night out or something. I would rather watch, Who who is like the impresario on, on the improv. Like a night at the improv. Friedman. But Friedman. I would rather watch Bud Friedman Dead Bud Friedman play harmonica than listen to saxophone. Or watch the evening at the Emperor. Yeah. That's what it was. Evening it. I would rather be on a plane listening to someone watching evening at the improv and, playing, an accordion. I, I don't like accordions either. Again, only when it's that French, that French style. Like, why, it's a very French long honeymoon. Elvis Costello. It's like very specific other once in a while in Hispanic music, I find it jumpy. Once again. It's like a scat circus. But it's polka. Is to say. Yeah, it's very polka. Yeah. Why not just go to, just just admit that you go to polka concerts. I think a big, fat, white German doing it and a chunky Mexican guy, it's a different it's kind of a different source. They put their own spin on it, but that's that's where Tejano music came from. Like all of the it came from polka because there's such a big German population in Texas. I think I know that because of you, because I would never even think of just think what they would put. Their own spin on it. So like when you have like that norteno music, like when Dwight Yoakam did Streets of Bakersfield, which I. Love, though I love. That song. Great song. Yeah. I didn't know that, motorcycles could have that sound or not. You know, it could be really super loud. Yeah. Or not. That's up to the person driving the motorcycle. Where they want to rev it. And a certain gear, probably a neutral or something. Just like a car. Right. You can wrap your car up. Yeah, but it never has to be that loud. Well, with our cars can't get that loud. But you see a, you know, like a motor, a man's. I said monster car. Yeah. Monster truck. What did I mean? No, Horror. Horror. Yeah, yeah, but what's the word for it? Oh. Not low rider car. Oh. What? Muscle car. Muscle car. Thank you. God. Where's this? So zinc of gingko pills. I got Norman Lear, right? Yeah. That was. Incredible. Yeah. That was. And they just, like, they're so guttural and loud. That is big. You know what a neighbor has on. You could hear it down the street. I'm just like us. Worst. So worst thing. All right, well, you know, you're in a, you're eating at a cafe and one goes by or one starts up. Yeah. Motorcycle. And these muscle cars are just so. And once in a while you hear a supercar do it. Yeah. If you're in West Hollywood, you know the Lamborghini. They all have that real. I don't know how motorcycles do it because they don't have they only have two or 2 or 3 cylinders I don't know. Yeah. So it's exhaust. The giant and they how they funnel it through. They there's exhaust I guess. Right. So it doesn't have to I mean it could be quieter right. I don't want yes it can I don't want to bring it back to farts. But it's the same. This is the same technology as a fart. Yeah. You can, you can, you know, you can make it silent. You know, it's just. You cannot. You can't all them. No, that's a doctor. Four out of five. Maybe. True. Is that trigger you? Then? You fired out loud and banned because you don't care about. Because sometimes I don't want to split the cheeks. You know what I mean? I don't want to, like, spread them apart manually. Manually? That would make it soft. That's aggressive farting. If you're getting in there with two, that's a two hander. Well, no. You know, you can just you can do. Lean. Oh, lean. Oh. This way. Lean. Yeah. Yeah. And then kind of spread them apart. That's the. Gangster. Lean. Yeah. Diamond in the back. That can't be the gangster. This is a good topic. We've got. We've got so many amazing ideas on. Yeah. We should. We get the diarrhea that's going to be, my forte. I'm still thinking about convenience. Con. Yeah, that's a good. We're doing it basically. All right, all right. I think we need to have Tony here from now on. You guys just talk amongst yourself and then David Koechner comes in once a month. No, we talk about our dream. Those are the real. Like, I've. I've played pickleball. That's a that's a that's a first coming out here. Oh no. And, there's a guy who I play with and he's, he's on a podcast. And, you know, I didn't know I don't know about podcast. He's like, I swear for Mr. Beast, I didn't know what that was. I didn't know. It's like the biggest thing in the world. What's that, Mr. Beast? I don't know it either. It's good. Don't know. Don't. Huge, huge. Right. Like number one up there. And now he works for this other one called. It's like so true or something. He just sold two nights out at the Wiltern and I didn't even know this exists. You know, I don't know what it is either. So it's just it's just them in a room like this, talking to people. So you guys could just do stay here and make millions. Just doing you. Do you don't you don't even need guest the guest. Sometimes the best podcast is when the guest is optional. Because you have each other is a podcast with. So I'm always jealous. I have, you know, some kind of murder or whatever. It's a it's usually two people and sometimes it's like, if you could figure that out, like, obviously it seems like a good thing you don't have to leave your house. You know, you just like like Rogan doesn't probably leave his house. Right? Tony? I'm officially inviting you to do this with us all the time. I live in downstairs. Yeah, I don't I'm not crazy about getting back into a rental situation, but I think it might be worth this for a longer outcome. Yeah, we had this, and then we got con con. That's two business ideas. That we need to. Start. So I'll bring over my mini chainsaw. I will hit you and I'll hit some of the. Things that Garrett won't do. No he'll, we'll. We'll do them together. He does them. Yeah Garrett does. He'll love a mini chainsaw. It's my best friend. I love that thing. Would you be able to show up on time? You were on time today. I'm usually on time. I used to not be. And then I started doing it. It's like, why am I? Yeah, I get so. And it's just changed my life. I also like getting to airports a little on the earlier versus barely making it. Yeah, not crazy early an hour, but it's really like just giving some time, not worrying about traffic, leaving a little early. I used to always leave late. Yeah. I mean like, now I'm just like. I don't think that's all we do. June would try like hell. Like, see, I've been trying to just put things, put things back. Like clean things up because I'm so sick of being late. Like trying. I'm trying to just streamline things even in the house. Like, okay, I know that. Okay, these shoes are here. Here's the I almost I've almost granted mold. Hey. Hold on. No to know what that is. Yeah. My matching clothes were like, this goes like this. Yeah. I don't have to think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm. I'm at that point. What is it? Might be he needs to go pee pee. Should we take him out as a group with the cameras and everything? Let's leave the studio. Letterman does it. I love you to pieces. Well, I'm going to see you next week, because we're going to do this with you from now on. But, do you have, like, shows coming up that you'd like to plug or nothing? I'd like the one thing I'd like to plug. Just because I'm the guy who runs the label with, like, it is, like, I don't know if it's going to be June or July. That's how far advance. Okay, I. Got a special an album coming out. Oh, that. Ass pocket of whimsy. And, So look for that, you know? Fantastic. Yeah. And do you have any, like, social media handles or. Barely. I have on Instagram. It's my name. Made me.com and then just Facebook. But that that's all and I don't it's mostly pictures of my dog. Do you know that your name comes up Tony Canine yeah I love it. And most people still pronounce my name Carmen. Because there's no E in the end. There's no e. It's a it's a funny one. Yeah. So, I mean, I don't care. I know I. Love Tony Canine. I should be. Laura. Tony Nine-nine's better, right? Yeah, I like, I like when. We put a little, a little get a little teeth, just a little bigger. Yeah. Like Wolf, like Wolf Blitzer. It's like he should. Yeah. Blitzer yeah. That's such a cool name for such an eyebrow weirdo. And who cares? Yeah. And he's easily like. Like who watches that guy? Like, is anybody like what? What is what is I. Don't know, I seen I saw him in DC one time and I was like, Wolf Blitzer. And he just just walked, you know, he just didn't give a shit. It's too. Cool a name for. Him. Yeah, definitely. It's almost a reindeer at the end. It's almost Wolf Blitzen. Yeah. That's right. That's a good fake name for something later. But I just saw. I was like, he's in the crayon. I wonder if he's one of those guys that did something earlier in his career that, oh, he he came to acclaim and now he's going to give him his own show because it. Was it was it was Desert storm. Desert storm. Yeah. That's when it was like, you know, 24 hour coverage and, you know, live coverage. And he's out there and whatever the place. Yeah, there was the horrible. Yeah, yeah. All right. You two are the best. I'm lucky to to know you are. You guys do this fight. It's weird, I know. Well, once I get him that many chainsaw things, you're going to realize. Oh, you're going to be here so much, you're going to get sick of us both. Well, you're not going to have the view because all those trees are coming down. Even if you want them. It's so fun. You can't stop. God damn it, I want I want to try it. But Garrett doesn't trust me with anything. Well, which, when we first moved to, got our house, we were in guns. We took this class at Eagle Rock. We learned how to make machine in woodworking. Oh, why do you wear all the things? But every. Every machine was so intimidating. We never did it. We learned how to do some things. We're like, we're not. I'm not gonna buy a jigsaw. I just get my things cut off. Right. Look at this mini chainsaw. Look at that. Yeah. This is a whole back and front yard all trimmed up. It's minor price to pay. Wait a second. Did you lose your whole finger? Now it's just a tiny little car. Okay. Yeah. So, Yeah, we'll get this place shipshape. Okay. And I got some great ideas, too. Out of this. This is good. Yeah, this is right. Off, I think. I think, yeah. We'll have Caroline see what she says. Okay, great. Yeah, she's she's she's, That's the best thing I did is meet Carol Kolb. Well, we'll have dinner together, too. I mean, I like to. Yeah, she's not going to like that. We're good, I know. Okay, we'll come on. We'll just come over her. If we just happened to bump into it, she would love it. We're like, oh, okay. Well no, no. Here. We'll come over with dinner, but we won't tell you what announced. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's the best thing. That'll be a really nice not awkward. Okay. I'm in, I'm in. I'm okay. We're doing it. Don't tell us 630 to 7 seven 730. Be perfect. Okay. We're going to check that up too.

No, no, I know we'll be there at 9: 43:37

00. What? We're already full August 8th already. I know, but then we'll. Just eat again. Well, yeah, we'll just assume it'll be okay. Woohoo! Well, thanks so much. This was really fun. You guys have a great life out here. I don't know why you're all crying about. This is wonderful I know. Well you man. And you got the best. My favorite dog of the year so far. Oh, really? Yeah. Monty, did you hear that? Look, he was sweet the whole time. And David. Bar. Very sweet. I do like a dog named Gary. I'm at. But this is this might, You. I think you out nose. Gary. Look at him. Can you hear me? Can you hear him out there? He's not very good with. Hear dogs is the. Only thing you hear. Cute. He looks wise, doesn't it? Looks wise. How did you get so wise? Are you an old soul? I think you're an old. That's what young guys used to tell me. You're an old soul. That was like a pickup line. I'm an old soul. Does that mean you're old enough to go out with me? All right, we can wrap it up. All right. We just got into the old soul debate, though. I mean, do you want to go next? Okay, okay.